Chapter 32 - Peaceful Days

Rhema steadily stared at Azriel, who was looking at him with an absurd face and slowly carried on. “What I meant by that was that you can ask me anything. I wanted to know what you were curious about.”

“I didn’t know you meant that.”

“I must’ve misled you. I’m sorry, Azriel.” Rhema slightly lowered his head. It was a sincere apology. Azriel did not expect him to apologize this way. She tried not to show her astonishment. “N, no, it’s, it’s fine.”

“I’m sorry, Azriel,” A memory momentarily passed by her. The image of Rhema lowering his head and herself clinging to him, bursting into tears. ‘When was this?’ She got a headache when she tried to recall. As she touched her forehead unconsciously, Rhema reacted. “Does your head hurt?”

“A little bit…”

He put his hand on her forehead. His temperature was cool, but his touch was tender. “It’s a phenomenon that occurs in the process of your closed memory being opened. Your pain will get worse if you try to recall it when you are awake, so it’s better to do it when you’re asleep.”

“Rhema.”

“Yes, Azriel.”

“Why did you close my memory?” He found her and gave her a name. He also gave her a happy life that felt like a mirage. Then he taught her magic. Why did he, who had done all of that, suddenly erase her memory and abandon her, saying that she would be miserable if she got intertwined with him? Rhema answered in a low voice. “I thought it’d be better to break our link.”

“Why did you have to cut off our relationship even by erasing my memory? What happened?”

“You will know soon.” As he took his hand off saying that, he had a strange expression on his face. “You’d better sleep more, Azriel.”

“I slept all day long.”

“Your head will hurt as long as you’re awake for now. Magic related to memory is known to cause headaches.” He gently laid her down. Azriel still had a lot to ask. However, as soon as her head touched the pillow, she felt sleepy. Resisting her eyes that were about to close, she asked. “Rhema, where… have you been earlier?”

“I needed to check something.”

“Maylie…”

“I heard from Blanchet. Her family is safe.”

“They’re safe. What a relief…” After saying that last, she could not hold her eyelids up any longer. The image of Rhema quietly touching her cheeks was reflected on her eyes before she closed her eyes. ‘That strange expression, again…’ What would that mean? Things were covered in the dark. Another piece of memory unfolded again.

***

It was in midwinter when seven-year-old Azriel first came to Rhema’s house. Frozen white snow was hanging on birch trees beyond the fence. Inside the fence was always a gentle spring. Even if a snowstorm gushed or a storm raged outside, it turned into a mild drizzle when it entered the fence. Unlike the unchanging inside of the fence, the outside changed. The frozen scenery beyond the fence began showing soft colors like the inside as the sprouts grew and gradually deepened with the strong sunlight. Two seasons had changed and it became summer. Around that time, Azriel said to Rhema in the study.

“I read them all.”

Rhema looked slightly surprised. He stared at Azriel who had a similar eye level as him sitting on the chair. “The books on the list, Azriel?”

“Yes.”

“That’s much faster than I thought. Did you understand them?”

“I, I didn’t… because they’re difficult. But I memorized them all. Is that not enough?”

“You memorized them all?”

“Yes…”

The grey eyes were looking at her with a penetrating gaze. Azriel became anxious that she crumpled the train of her skirt. Those books were too heavy and huge for her to lift. Moreover, they were tightly written in Lemm, not in Limble. She tried hard, reading books even during her playtime, but faltering over them was overwhelming enough. Magic, spell, will, thoughts, fluidity, reactivity, fixation power, definition, measurement, principle, contemplation… There were some contents that she narrowly understood. However, she could not possibly understand most of them. Memorizing them as a whole was her limit. 

‘I didn’t even get the basics, he should be disappointed. He might be regretting bringing me here, saying that he wouldn’t have brought me here if he knew I’m such an idiot. I must be useless like my mother and father said. If it were my brother, would he have done better? My brother should’ve been the one to survive instead of me…’ She clenched her fists so strong that they turned pale. She felt like bursting into tears. 

“Do you want to learn magic as soon as possible?” Rhema asked.

“…Yes.”

“Why is that so? I never rushed you.” A stiff and cold voice. It sounded like he was angry.

‘When my father was angry, he usually kicked me with his feet or sometimes used a poker.’ Thankfully, there was no such thing as a poker in the study, but she was still afraid to answer. Azriel only moved her lips. Not saying anything, Rhema just waited. Only after quite some time had passed, she opened her mouth with a weak voice. “I thought you’d… if I don’t…”

“Please speak more loudly.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. Rhema was slightly flustered to see that, but Azriel, whose sight was blurred by tears, did not notice that. Everyone used to be frustrated when she cried. They said that the last thing they wanted to hear was someone’s cry. The only person who did not beat her or cuss at her when she cried was her twin brother. Looking at the wizard’s still face, Azriel tried not to cry. “You brought me here because you wanted to teach magic. But if I can’t learn magic, I’d be useless, and you’ll get disappointed, then…” 

‘What if Mr. Wizard tells me to beat it since he does not need me anymore? I hope he beats me instead,’ She did not want to be kicked out. She wanted to live here. ‘Please.’ At last, tears that she could not hold back overflowed.