Dungeon Sniper

Man, this was getting old. I had lost consciousness three times in the last twenty-four-hour span. This trend had to stop, seriously. Showed how much lack of control I had in my life—lives.

This particular blackout was followed by a massive pain in the chin area. I g.r.o.a.n.e.d even before I opened my eyes to see myself locked up in some kind of cell within a cave. I was alone and stripped n.a.k.e.d, and someone was not gentle when he was undressing me. I was bruised and scarred all over my body. I would guess I was being tossed around pretty roughly while I was knocked out by the looks of the damage dealt.

It was also not hard to guess where I was or who brought me here. The last thing I remembered was the smug face of a particularly nasty Goblin. Did I also see a fat, red fist coming towards me in the corner of my eyes? Maybe I did. Not so clear whether I imagined that or actually saw it especially with a ringing pain in the chin that just would not go away.

But here I was, still alive, hurting like hell, locked up in a damp, dark cave prison. The den of Goblins, for all I knew. I also had a hunch why I was not killed back at the abandoned house or here. Probably for the same reason why I was sitting here without my clothes: Nasty's plan of using me as some kind of livestock to keep the Human baby meat flowing in the Goblin community. Just the thought of it made me want to vomit. That and the concussion from the punch in the jaw. My brain still felt like a jelly from it.

It was time for some pros and cons. The good old assessment time. The good news was that both my hands and legs were free. The bad news was that the smell around me—and from within myself—was just terrible. I remembered that I had a new skill called Scent Tracker, but I dared use it in this situation, lest my nose would bleed profusely from the smell.

So I activated Night Eye to see better in the dark, but I could see nothing more than a suffocating rocky wall on three sides other than the rusty metal bars in front of me. I tuned into Echolocation and could listen to various voices and murmurs in the distance, but the cave seemed to be made of various serpentine twists of corridors that distorted and mixed the directions of sounds coming from everywhere. It was not impossible to navigate through the tunnels using the Echolocation, but it seemed as if it would take some time.

I was at a point where I seriously considered gnawing at the rusty bars with the Carnivore's Teeth Skill, and I had just built up enough confidence about my new sharp canines, when I picked up footsteps coming in my way. I quickly dropped low and played dead. What else could I do? I was buck n.a.k.e.d and had no weapon with me, other than my teeth, of course. I was definitely planning to use these razor-sharp teeth someday. Not necessarily the teeth, per se, but anything to get back against the foul, hideous Goblins.

And the chance came soon enough.

A Goblin was passing along the cell, not particularly paying attention to a n.a.k.e.d Human body lying crouched on the floor. He was not Nasty, and I was not sure whether I felt glad or sad that it was some other Goblin. I wanted revenge on the ugly dude, but not at this vulnerable state. If anything, I would be lucky not to get hit in the face again.

No, I shook my head to be rid of the negative prospect. I was getting needlessly scared of the little guy. I promised myself, the next time we met, I would be the one knocking him out dead cold. Or just dead. Dead sounded better in my head.

But first, I needed to get out of here. The Goblin was walking out of my sight so I had to act quick. After split seconds of planning, I sprang to my feet with a flourish and shouted at the passing Goblin.

"Yo, what you doing locking me in here without food. I'm starving, man!"

In my defense, I watched a lot of gangster movies. This was the proper, if not perfect, way to speak in a prison, and also for me to get into character.

The Goblin stared at me dumbly, and it was understandable if he did not understand a word I said. Despite their cannibalistic, barbaric looks and diet, I learned that the Goblins were quite eloquent creatures. They practically spoke like Victorian Age Brits, and I was almost certain they would drop some 'yonders' and 'thous' if I kept a conversation longer than five minutes with them.

"What did you speak of yonder?" frowned the Goblin, presumably a guard on patrol.

Boom. Spot on. But this was hardly the time to celebrate the little victories of life.

"You got some food for me to eat? I mean, you've gotta feed a daddy if you want those tender baby meats, y'all."

It was a disgusting thing to say, but it was something a reckless, ballsy convict would say, or not. I was just talking out of my head here.

This time my charade had some effect on the ugly bastard as he chuckled and came closer to the bar.

"Food talks of food. How ludicrous this all sounds."

"You wanna hear something else funny? Come closer, mate, I'll tell you."

"Stay away from the bars, Human," snapped the Goblin guard.

"You scared of me? A Human with no weapon, no clothes, it's just me and my balls, dude."

"I do not see any ball in your possession, Human."

"I was referring to my t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e.s, you needlessly articulate buttface."

The Goblin guard broke out a dreamy grin. Uh oh. I knew that look. It was the same face that Nasty made when I mentioned the word 'brain.'

"Ah, yes. Human t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e.s are my favorite parts. Quite a delicacy treat, if you ask me."

"First, gross. Second, no one asked, you sick bastard."

"It is a pity that your most prized organs at the moment are your t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e.s. I keep telling Chief Mataki that Human males are capable of reproducing with just one testicle, and we know because we have tested rigorously in the past, but our Chief is surely an adamant one. He wants two t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e.s, wholesome and faultless," grumbled the Goblin guard.

I could see that this dude was really a testis aficionado. Also, the conversation was grossing me out. But my Survival Guts switched on at this very moment.

My guts were telling me to gamble with my balls. And I meant 'literally' with my balls.

"Yo, if you want my ball so much, why don't you come in and get it."

Now, here was something I would never say to anyone in my wildest dream. But this was no dream. It was a living nightmare, sure, and even if I would give anything to make this whole thing a dram, I still would not offer any of my t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e.s.

"Foolish Human. Have you not heard a word I said? Chief Mataki wants both of your t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e.s."

"Can you stop saying t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e.s? I've never heard the word used so many times in so little time, and it's really making me sick."

"T.e.s.t.i.c.l.e.s are t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e.s. To call them by anything other than the proper terminology is just madly confusing."

"For all the impeccable grammar you guys speak with your disgusting voices, y'all are just dumbshit. Think, you hemorrhoid face. Look at all the scratches and scars on my body. I could've lost a ball on my way here."

"But you did not."

"You really are as dumb as you look. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually asking you to come inside and," I paused to shudder at the horror of what I was about to say, "cut off and enjoy your snack. Damn, that was disgusting."

I had to curse out loud at the end, but the Goblin guard still seemed hesitant—and infuriatingly dumb.

"Besides, would anyone really notice that I'm missing a ball with my massive lumber hiding the sac so gorgeously and magnificently?" I added.

"You have no lumber in your possession—"

"My p.e.n.i.s, I meant my p.e.n.i.s."

The guard frowned and considered for a moment.

"I can see your t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e.s just fine. Your p.e.n.i.s is not as gigantic as you suggest, Human."

"First, shut up. You're just wrong, period. Second, if you can see them, then you're trying too hard. Come on, man, no one will know. Don't make me say it again, I'm offering you a chance of a lifetime."

Was my ball worth a chance of a lifetime? It was for me, if not for the other guy.

The guard brooded contemplatively for a while before opening his hideously jagged mouth.

"I normally distrust Humans, but you make a fine point. Unless you are scheming something and just baiting me to open the cell door."

"Dude, do I look that smart to you? I'm just offering a free egg on your part. In return, I would like some food, and a blanket or clothes. I really don't need an extra testicle. I could offer both of them, but, you know, the big plan and everything," I scoffed bravely. Obviously, I did not mean that at all. I really needed both of my nuts. They were both precious to me.

The guard seemed confused, but his taste for my low-side meatball (at this point, I was too grossed to care whether things could get more gross than now) prevailed and he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"You really are impossibly dumb if you think I would give you anything in return for a snack that is rightfully mine," said the guard who did not have his own 'balls' to act on and come in any earlier.

"What do you know, we Humans are just dumb and weak, and certainly no match against your kind," I shrugged at the approaching Goblin, timing the perfect opportunity to strike.

It appalled me to find the ugly red face close to my private area, so I might have acted a second or two earlier than planned. I activated Horizontal Hopper the moment the Goblin guard drew his sword and lowered his body. But instead of jumping out of his greedy, hungry face, I braced my knee and jumped 'into' the guard's face.

With a crisp cracking sound, I knee-kicked the guard right in the face.

The Goblin flew in the air for a moment and landed heavily onto the ground. I was kind of hoping that he stopped moving for good, but I saw that his body started to twitch involuntarily as he lay.

My knee ached from the impact, but at least I could walk. I went over to the jolting body and found that the face was smashed inward, and the ugly face became even more unsightly as a result.

I turned on my Echolocation to make sure that no one was nearby. But I had no intention to stall and keep staring down at the crushed Goblin face for any longer.

I picked up a crude short sword lying on the ground and held it upside down over the Goblin's face. Then I remembered the last time I tried to stab something into the Goblin skull at close length a blade—of a rusted dagger, but still—had shattered into shards. The crude sword looked only a minor upgrade from my late Daggy. So I thought better, aimed the point of the sword to the c.h.e.s.t, and drove in hard.

[Perk gained: Thick Skin- Level C]

I started and checked my skin in fear of finding it had turned red and bumpy like the Goblins. Thankfully, my skin's look did not change. It felt the same upon touch too. I thought about running the sword over the back of my hand to see whether I would bleed easily, but the sword looked filthy with Goblin blood all over it so, yeah, I moved on. If there ever came a time for Thick Skin Perk to come in handy, I would know.

I stood up and looked down at the now still body of the ugly creature, in particular the armor on which he had. I could not wear his small-sized leather armor, but I did my best to cut it so I could at least cover my lower body.

Acquired:

Crude Leather Armor (Partial)

Crude Short Sword

I got out of the cell and looked towards the end where my Echolocation skill was picking up the least amount of sounds in the cave. I had no idea how large this Goblin Den was, but it was pretty huge considering that the Echolocation was unable to come up with a complete sonar map inside my head. The tortuous structure of long corridors and tunnels was still being a problem, the chief factor for the limited perception.

I was unsure whether less sound meant the way out or heading towards the deeper part of the cave. I really wanted to find the exit and get out of this smelly, ominous place as soon as possible, but a part of me was telling me that I would not stand a chance with my current gear and state. My choice came down to two options: either I try to successfully sneak out unnoticed or I searched for more gear so I could at least competently fight through my way out.

The dilemma did not last long. Both prospects made me choose the more silent path. I walked away from the inaudible murmurs and noises and towards where the only sound I could pick up were faint, hollow wind sounds.

I walked through the dark, unlit tunnel uninterrupted and cautiously for about ten minutes when a new sound alerted me and had me stand frozen on the ground.

What I had thought to be the sound of winds, it was not. Instead, it was the sound of an airy breath, amidst the more shallow breaths all coming from one place. Reluctantly, I activated Scent Tracker as well, and came in the lush of foul, distasteful smell—of fellow Humans. At the same time, aided by the olfactory image of what was ahead, the Echolocation skill was drawing me a sketchy map of an area about fifty feet ahead of me: a large, unclean cell block with n.a.k.e.d, barely conscious women tied in chains.

I had found the Farm.