For You In The Cage

Episode 84: An Undelivered Gift (VIII)

Canaren stood nailed to her place, moving only her eyes, following the two of them as they entered the dining hall.

The woman with black hair similar to Yulif’s was, coincidentally, wearing a dark purple dress. Her slightly raised eyebrows and her plump red lips created a mature and different feeling.

A woman who was completely different from Canaren in her hair, appearance, and aura gracefully stopped. She smiled and said to Yulif, who pulled out a chair.

“Thank you, Your Grace.”

“It’s natural, so there’s no need to thank me.”

Thud. Canaren’s heart fell silently to her feet. She felt a distant, dizzy feeling of vertigo, and she stumbled violently for a moment.

“Madam Canaren!”

If she hadn’t been supported by Roana, who rushed over, she would have collapsed on the floor. Canaren looked at Yulif as she leaned on Roana. He looked at her with horrifically dry eyes and sat down as if nothing had happened.

Are you okay? Are you sick? Her heart dropped again due to the cold attitude of not even saying a short word of concern toward her. She didn’t know there would be any place lower than that, but the abyss lurking under her feet ate her heart and opened its mouth as if it had been waiting.

“Your Grace, I need you to tell me what’s going on. Where are you suddenly saying this? Who is that woman?”

Instead of Canaren, Roana asked in an angry voice. Yulif glanced at Roana with an annoyed look and turned his head to the woman. Unbelievable that his eyes had softened so much then, Roana contorted her forehead.

“Would you like to introduce yourself?”

“No. I’ll be happy if Your Grace does it in my stead. She’s looking at me with terrifying eyes, so it’s hard for me to speak properly.”

The woman replied in a soft voice, with no hint of tension. Yulif nodded his head.

“She is the eldest daughter of Count Harrodsell. Part of the congratulatory group from His Majesty. She is a guest of Pionia, so treat her with respect, Ocard.”

“Congratulatory…?”

Canaren muttered with a confused look. Yulif glanced at the woman. The woman with a confident smile opened her mouth as she stared straight at Canaren.

“Greetings to the Duchess of Rubius. My name is Rena Harrodsell. It’s late, but congratulations on your marriage, Madam.”

Canaren’s mind was so tangled that she didn’t know what to say. As she bit her lips, shocking words came out of Rena’s mouth.

“His Grace looked at me kindly, so I will stay at the castle for a while. I hope to see you often in the future, so please take care of me.”

Rena ‘s hair was as black as Yulif’s. So Canaren couldn’t bear to let go of the piece of hope she had left at the bottom of her heart. When she first met Lucian at the Imperial Palace, she had never mistakenly thought that he was Yulif’s relative. She might be one too.

She knew Yulif’s only brother was the emperor, but they could be distant relatives. She might have come to celebrate when she heared that Yulif had gotten married. Yes, that’s it. Calm down and trust Yulif.

‘If Yulif finds another woman…I can’t like it.’

But Rena’s earlier words completely shattered Canaren’s small, fleeting hopes. Not even a relative, she was a woman who had nothing to do with Yulif. She even said that she was part of the congratulatory group from the emperor, which was something Canaren had never heard about.

It was disappointing that Yulif did not tell her about the congratulatory group, but the expression ‘His Grace looked at me kindly’ became a blade and stuck in her heart.

‘Pretty.’

She vividly remembered the kind words he had once told her.

‘Did Yulif say that to that strange woman? Looking into her eyes, did he say she was pretty in a low, soft voice? Like he did to me?’

‘No. Yulif no longer tells me that I’m pretty. He doesn’t even look at me with faintly warm eyes. But for that woman, he meant it.’

Canaren’s heart ached, it hurt so much that she couldn’t breathe properly. She clasped her trembling hands tightly. Her fingertips were as cold as ice.

“I-I don’t know… I didn’t know. I appreciate your congratulations, but… Are you staying in the castle…”

Canaren spoke gibberish. Rena looked at her and smiled, her eyes softly curved. Ah. That face. It’s a face she had seen a lot in the Imperial Palace. The facial expressions of the maids who she happened to meet in the hallway made. As soon as she passed them, a giggle of laughter and sarcasm flew from behind.

Now Rena ‘s expression was the same as theirs. Rena was laughing at her.

“…I don’t like it.”

Canaren, biting her lower lip, muttered quietly. She shook off Roana’s hand which was on her shoulder, straightened her back and pulled her chin up. She tried to ignore the tears in her eyes, which were getting hotter and hotter, and gave strength to her eyes and looked at Rena. Rena, although overflowing with assurance, felt the aura of Canaren and slowly erased the smile from her lips.

‘It wasn’t that woman who married Yulif, it was me. I won’t die. Because even Yulif told me to do whatever I want.’

“Did you say you’re Rena? How many days are you planning to stay? I think it would be difficult for you to stay too long.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know how long I’ll be staying in Pionia. Even if I want to leave right now, won’t His Grace stop me?”

Rena’s unusual gaze left Canaren and reached Yulif. Canaren’s head also naturally turned to the man.

‘Yulif, tell me quickly. Say that woman was wrong. Say she wouldn’t stay in the castle long. That she will return to the Imperial Palace soon. Don’t feel bad for that woman.’

“She just arrived yesterday, so she will need some time to unwind. First, take a rest for a month or so.”

“A month? No matter how she’s a guest from the Imperial Palace, I don’t think that’s how it should be. Yulif, are you listening to me?”

“I’m listening, so tell me. What is the reason why you are opposed to Lady Harrodsell staying in the castle?”

“……Do I have to tell you that? What reason do you need in the first place? I’m the one who married Yulif. If I don’t like it, I think Yulif should think about it again.”

“Canaren.”

His resolute voice was squeezed as if he was holding back his anger. Canaren shivered, but she did not withdraw her gaze from him. Yulif pressed his temple with one hand and frowned slightly.

“There is no connection between my marriage to you and the presence of the esteemed daughter of Harrodsell in the castle. So, I will not accept your opinion.”

“Why not? If I, the Duchess, is not involved, who the hell else is involved?”

“The Duchess.”

Yuliff, who muttered coldly, twisted one corner of his mouth.

“If you want to pose as a Duchess, you’d better hold a tea party. The people who will support you will fill this place and come to the point where your position remains.”

“That’s not what I meant…!”

“Or you too, find another man. A man who will cherish only you without turning a blind eye to other women. Then we would be equal.”

“…Why are you talking so harshly…?”

‘What did she do wrong, why is he so angry that he is shooting such painful words? Does he really like her?’

Words, harsh and bitter like the claws of a beast, scratched her chest until it’s ragged. Even if it’s cut and torn every time, the foolish heart that filled up again with one friendly gaze and one touch was chewed by sharp teeth. It would have been better if she bit, chewed and swallowed it, but she spit it out, saying that she didn’t need a bloody heart.

Would it be okay if she picked it up and sewed it up? Would the painful moments that make it hard to breathe stop? This wound might only last a little while. Surely it will.

The tears she had been holding back began to fill up. Beyond the blurred vision, Yulif did not respond.

‘You’re a really bad person. You’re a cruel person. Still, I like you. Even though you think I’m stupid like that, I still like you.’

“…Yulif may need someone else, but I don’t.”

Eventually, the tears that had been stagnant fell down. Canaren turned away hastily. She accidentally hit the chair next to her, and the box she had left fell, the items inside spilling out. The amethyst hanging from the Neola reflected the light of the chandelier.

Canaren bit her lips hard to hold back her sobs, then she ran out of the dining hall. Kwajak. The sound of the floor being trampled on by her shoes was as if the love, hopes, and expectations that she had cherished were breaking along the way.

*******

“I will risk my life and say something that I would never dare to say.”

Roana, who was about to leave the dining hall after Canaren, looked back at Yulif. She, who sincerely respected and followed Yulif with all her heart, looked at him with contempt for the first time in her life.

“I don’t know what the Lord’s plan is, and I don’t want to know, but I want you to stop playing with people’s hearts. It’s not like you don’t know how much Madam Canaren loves you.”

Bang! Roana expressed her displeasure towards her scumbag boss by smashing the door shut. Yulif sent Rena out as well, who couldn’t do anything because she was trying to read his mind.

She went out, and now that he was left alone, there was silence as if time had stopped.

Yulif wiped his face with both hands. In the end, the transparent teardrops falling from Canaren’s eyes stuck to his eyelids like afterimages and did not fall.

The later Canaren loses her affection for himself, the more he will suffer, and the more she, too, will suffer. Rena Harrodsell did a better job than he thought, but Canaren could go on and on, that’s why he spoke more horribly than necessary.

Still. In order to make the world comfortable for Canaren as soon as possible, or to make her happy, he had to inflict wounds on her. It was terrible.

“I don’t need anyone other than you.”

All he wanted in this world is her. As long as it’s her, he didn’t care what else would happen.

Yulif, lowering his hand that had covered his face, found items scattered profusely on the floor. He sat down with one knee bent, straightened the flipped box upright, and picked up the items. There were several of the net-like objects he wanted so much, but they were all different in size and shape. Some were sized to wear around his waist like Roana, and some were smaller than the palm of his hand.

Yulif suddenly remembered that today, Canaren was wearing a much more glamorous dress than usual. And the fact that the cheeks of Canaren, who was sitting in the chair, were particularly red.

‘You were waiting for me to give me a present, Canaren.’

After putting them all in the box, the last thing remaining was the broken Neola. Yulif was seeing the Neola for the first time, so he didn’t know what kind of thing it was. However, he could well guess what Canaren was thinking when she made this object. The vivid colors of amethysts hanging from the net and citrine adorned with feathers pierced his eyes painfully.

“Yulif’s eyes are like the night sky. How beautiful.”

No. It was the heart, not the eyes, that hurt. It was the chest. It was the heart. It was deep in the soul.

‘I don’t even deserve to feel hurt.’

Yulif took Neola with a dry face. A silent scream echoed with every step he took as he left the dining room with the box. For a while, a scream that only he could hear roamed the halls of the ducal castle like a ghost.