Holy Mother

Chapter 13 – Infertility Treatment

It was just that the results were really disappointing.

“No matter how many times we try, the right fallopian tube won’t open,” the doctor said regretfully. He showed X-rays from the side of the bed where she was resting.

In the X-ray picture, the part that can be passed through, the fluid looked like a striking white. In the middle, there was the uterus, so there should be a white aisle that protruded on both sides if she was in a normal state. But in that picture, the aisle whites are only seen on the left side.

“Did it hurt before? I’m sorry for that,” said the doctor.

So, the pain before was from the pressure of the fluid pressing against the blockage on the right side. Honami could feel the doctor’s friendliness even though the test was so painful. In this condition, even that thing comforted her.

“Then, about the left fallopian tube, today the fluid can pass. But it is very narrow. Of course, it’s not impossible for you to get pregnant normally, but it might be a little difficult. The conclusion is, if ovulation does not occur, we cannot start anything. First, you must take drugs that stimulate ovulation. Then, with an ultrasound test, we will monitor the development of the follicles. Then, I would recommend that you have intercourse when the ovulation stage is approaching. We will try this process several times. If there are no results, maybe we should consider surgery to open the fallopian tubes.”

Honami could only say, “huh?” without being able to say anything else. Then the doctor explained again. “Look, the fallopian tubes are very important. First, it is in charge of receiving the eggs that are released by the ovaries. Then, it is also in charge of receiving the sperm that swims into the fallopian tubes. It is also in charge of developing the fertilized egg and expelling it into the uterus. Although you can produce good eggs, it still would be hard to get pregnant if you had a problem with your fallopian tubes.”

From polycystic ovary syndrome,  now a blocked fallopian tube on the right side, and on top of that a narrow fallopian tube on the left side was added. At first, she thought she could get pregnant if ovulation could go smoothly. But now, there are possibilities for surgery too. Honami immediately drowned her face on the plain white hospital bed and cried. The doctor immediately left her alone.

When she finished crying and when her nausea had subsided, she returned to the waiting room and found that two hours had passed.

“The test is taking a long time,” Yasuhiko said without any burden while flipping through a magazine.

Honami immediately told him everything; how painful the test was until she almost fainted, also about her vomiting, then she also told him about the two fallopian tubes that were a problem, and there was even the possibility for surgery.

Yasuhiko just nodded. “But, we are here to be cured, right?” Yasuhiko said as if ignoring all of Honami’s stories.

“Indeed, we are here for that, but…”

“Ah, instead of your story, it says there’s no problem with my sperm!” Yasuhiko said with pride and a rising tone. “Huh, I felt nervous to death while waiting for the results. I knew that there’s no problem with that. But, I’m just getting tense because of the test, right? Wow… thank God that there’s no problem with it.”

Yasuhiko’s voice slightly echoed in the waiting room which was filled with the faint sound of classical music. Several men and women glanced at Yasuhiko. Among these people, there might also be barren men. But for Honami, asides from Yasuhiko’s insensitivity, she was more concerned with Yasuhiko’s attitude of not caring about her. Her tests took the shape of her uterus and fallopian tubes.

“Please listen to me, it hurt a lot before, you know. I also threw up.” Once again, Honami tried to tell him the story. But Yasuhiko didn’t understand how she felt.

“I also felt hurt today… when the sperm comes out, it also hurts a lot. Maybe because it’s been a long time since I did that,” Yasuhiko said with a really serious face, as if he was telling big news. Honami was speechless. Was this person really listening to my words?

“Ah, but the funny thing is … it’s filled with ‘goods’ from the West!”

“…Huh?”

“You know, porn movies. There are porn movies in the sperm check room to get the sperm. Ah, don’t tell me you didn’t know about that? When I entered the room, there was a television, then a chair, and there was a shelf full of pornographic videos. Turns out that ‘goods’ from the West are quite a lot. I was thinking about who had a hobby of pornographic films from the West like this. But, it turns out that the quality was very high. Eh, maybe in this fertility treatment hospital, the cost to buy pornographic videos can be reimbursed!” Yasuhiko grinned.

“That’s not important…” Honami said in a trembling voice. “How can you say that while I’m in pain like this?”

“Huh? But you’re not going to die, right? “

“Don’t tell me you’re angry about that?” Yasuhiko asked very surprisedly while he looked at Honami.

“I’m not angry, I’m just sad.”

“… sorry.” Finally, Yasuhiko apologized with an apologetic face. The tone was superficial, but that alone made Honami feel relieved. Not that she wanted her husband to worry to death. She just wanted to have a place for her heart to lean on. Yasuhiko also must have felt nervous, because this was the first time he came to the hospital for infertility treatment.

“But I’m bothered with you being jealous like this.”

“Huh?” Honami tilted her head.

Yasuhiko took a deep breath. “I know you didn’t like me watching porn videos from the past, but there’s no other way today, right?”

Honami became speechless. Her husband really didn’t understand her. He did not understand why Honami was angry, nor did he understand why Honami was sad.

Even though he always said that he wanted a child but for that man, infertility treatment was someone else’s business….

At that moment Honami thought, I must be determined to take care of this infertility alone. She was determined to have children, even though she felt frightened of the foreign world of infertility which was new to her. Honami could feel her love for her unborn child. This was when Honami became a mother.