Chapter One

TL: perzephone
PR: joonie

Was the time I had with you happy?

“If you’re going to throw it away like this, I’d rather just end it now.”

No, it was also miserable.

At that time, I was young and foolish, stupid and arrogant.

I didn’t know how frightening the feeling of love was, so I didn’t know just how much it could ruin me.

I was too blinded by revenge that I became a moth and flew into the flames that scorched my wings.

That stupidity completely crushed you and I.

—

Ian was sitting near the armrest of the sofa as he fiddled with the Desert Eagle¹ that had been modified to his liking.

“She’s burning up.”

Unlike his cold pupils, which looked down at the tattoo artist, a relaxed low tone flowed through his gentle twisted red lips.

His facial expressions, gestures, and low-pitched tone did not leave any room for judgement.

He seemed angry yet he gave off the impression that he was joking around. In reality, he was just numb.

“W-Well, that’s unavoidable! She has such soft skin and…”

The young man knelt down and lowered his head, unable to utter a single word. The only thing I could read from man’s gray eyes, who looked down at me, was murder.

The man in front me must have killed countless people. My gut feeling is telling me that something isn’t right².

Every time my shoulders trembled, the colorful piercings on my ears colluded and jingled. The sound I loved so much was brought in front of this man, and now it became a noise I hate hearing.

It was scary. I just followed and billed him ten times the actual price.

I had no idea that I would have the horrifying experience of having to tattoo a woman who’s in a deep sleep as if she was a princess in a fairy tale.

In South Korea, where civilian possession of firearms is prohibited, the men armed with rifles who were standing guard all over the place were enough to frighten him.

“Only I need to know that Jae-Yi’s skin is soft. You gave the wrong excuse.”

“N-No, that’s not what I meant…”

Ian laughed. The sight of the man below him, who couldn’t even make eye contact with him, was amusing.

Woo-Jun, who was watching the poor retaliation without saying a word, shook his head.

Woo-Jun shook his head as he watch the poor retaliation in silence.

If I knew it would be like this, then I would’ve never told you to get a tattoo.

In fact, the word retaliation couldn’t even be used to describe what was going on.

The culprit who engraved my name on the woman’s collarbone was very brazen.

What kind of an insult is this to a man who perfectly did what he was asked to do?

“Stop it, Ian. This is Korea.”

“l don’t like your hands.”

“What?”

“You touched Jae-Yi.”

“So you want to cut off my wrists?”

When a cold voice hit his ear, the nervous tattooist shook more violently than before.

His cruel nature has shone through after a long time.

“Ian.”

Let’s not do it here. Woo-Jun called out his name in a firm tone.

“l don’t want to keep him alive.”

“Jae-Yi would hate that. A lot.”

When the name that I couldn’t ever get tired of no matter how many times I heard and called was uttered, I came back to reality for a moment.

Jae-Yi, my lovely kitten.

“Of course, Jae-Yi shouldn’t know.”

– The miss is on her way.

“It’s about to come.”

Ian raised a brow in response to the unexpected news that came through the intercom.

“Here. Thanks to Jae-Yi, I’m alive.”

Ian scratched the corner of his eyes with a hand full of regret and pushed the gun he was holding into the drawer as if it were a toy.

“Take them out.”

Woo-Jun shook his head at the elders standing behind him. It isn’t the first time they’ve had to deal with something like this, so they were the ones who took care of it.

– I can’t do that, Jae-Yi. He told me to stay put until the fever drops.

– Does that matter now? Are you taking advantage of my illness to do this?

– The boss said we’re going to die!

– I won’t let him kill me.

Ian chuckled at the ferocious voice from afar and sat down on the sofa.

To Ian, it just seemed like the mewling of a little whining cat.

My sweet darling, how angry you are.

The sound of thumping footsteps approached from the other side of the door where the tattooist had disappeared.

With a loud bang, a nervous woman entered the drawing room.

“So-sorry, boss. Because I couldn’t say anything, I can’t even dare to touch it with my hands.”

Before Jae-Yi could open her mouth, the attendant suddenly stepped forward and bowed.

He had committed treason by not obeying the boss’s order: ‘Don’t get out of bed until the fever’s gone.’

“Did the fever go down?”

“Not yet.”

“Until I’m sure that the fever has gone down…”

“Is that important right now? Ian! What the hell is this?”

Jae-Yi pushed the oversized attendant who was cowering in front of me and pointed to the burning collarbone.

“l heard that you put your name on your belongings. Jae-Yi, be careful with your hands. It’s dangerous to touch anything.”

I’m the only one who can touch you.

The quick-witted attendant quickly bowed his back and backed away. I knew very well what this nonsense meant.

Ian, who glared at the nervous attendant, cleared the overbearing atmosphere and spread his arms.

“You call that a horse? How much medicine have you taken?”

“It hurts when I’m awake. By the way, you caught a cold, so I took a deep breath and gave you enough medicine to sleep. In the end, I almost fell asleep. Come on.”

“It still hurts.”

“Hurt? You should have killed that child…. .

“Ian!”

Jae-Yi’s cheeks were dyed red as much as her tender skin that had been engraved with a tattoo.

The candid face that can’t hide any emotions is so lovely that it’s almost dying.

“Are you mad?”

“Of course.”

“Aren’t you coming?”

Jae-Yi didn’t move in front of the door.

“I was wrong, I won’t do it again.”

Ian deliberately lowered the corners of his eyes.

He doesn’t look docile no matter how he looks. Why the hell are you acting like that?

“Do you know how many times I’ve already said it?”

“It doesn’t work either way. We need to change the way we heal.”

Ian, who had been holding his arms out for quite some time, finally got up.

Because he was over 190 centimeters tall, Jae-Yi’s head, who was looking at him, went up.

“Don’t come any closer.”

“Nope.”

“Are you mad?”

“l do not care.”

Then yes. It’s like a devil in an angel’s disguise.

Ian hurriedly approached him and locked Jae-Yi in his arms. Perhaps because of his thin pajamas, the cool temperature he possessed permeated.

“I’m sorry for hurting you. But if I don’t engrave my name, I’m afraid I’ll lose you.”

As Ian’s heavy grip wrapped around her waist tightened, it was even more difficult to breathe.

He was originally obsessive, but recently he has noticeably tried to imprison me.

His heart pounded irregularly as the deep possessiveness of his hands rubbed the nape of his neck.

“Do you think you can just write your name down so you won’t lose it?”

“Even if I lose it, I can find it again.”

Ian, who had a dry smile resembling dry fallen leaves, clasped Jae-Yi’s hand.

“There is not much time left for the meeting. You have to leave now.”

Woo-jun, who checked the time by shaking his watch, approached the two of them.

Discomfort, distrust. A sharp gaze that did not hide anything reached Jae-Yi.

Two years ago, Woo-Jun was always suspicious and wary of an uninvited guest who suddenly intervened in their lives.

“Your body is still hot. Why do you keep getting hurt and upset? I guess I should call the doctor. It’s a bit annoying if the doctor touches you, but it’s better than hurting you, so I’ll be patient.”

“Because there is not much time left for the meeting. It’s only been a few days since I caught a cold.”

Jae-Yi shook her head as he stared at Woo-Jun who was ticking.

She wasn’t in a condition to hit Woo-Jun, but it wasn’t even necessary to see a doctor.

“No, it’s okay. Go quickly.”

“Your face is like a peach. If you eat it, it will be sweet.”

Ian, who cupped her red cheeks with both hands as the heat rose and looked at Jae-Yi’s white skin with his name engraved on it, his expression quickly hardened.

The tattooist’s hand, which should have touched the white skin that only I could touch, came to mind again.

“l should have cut off his wrist.”

“How do you get a tattoo without touching?”

“Even so, I hate what I don’t like.”

“Don’t even think about getting caught. I will go up to the hut and not come down for at least a week.”

Ian smiled at the unreasonable threat, and took the blazer that Woo-Jun had put on.

“Be careful not to rub your hands everywhere, darling. I don’t want to make a hobby of collecting men’s wrists.’

It’s okay to laugh when you say things like that.

It was a playful tone, but it was a sincere warning.

Jae-Yi’s mouth opened softly at the cruel remark she was unfamiliar with.

“l will be back. If you are feeling even worse than now, please call me.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll come early, I’m resting.”

“Let’s go.” As the useless farewells got longer, Woo-Jun urged him again.

Before leaving the room, Jae-Yi turned around to avoid Ian approaching for a goodbye kiss.

“l haven’t gotten over it yet.”

“You said it doesn’t matter.”

Unable to accept her refusal, he grabbed the nape of her distant neck and kissed her briefly. Ian’s eyes followed Jae-Yi tenaciously.

“Why do you look like that?”

“l wanted to take a good look at you.”

Why do you look particularly lonely today? She felt a different atmosphere than usual.

Surely… No, no way. It can’t be. You know, you can’t just leave me alone.

Jae-Yi hid her sudden anxiety and pushed Ian, who was wasting his time for nothing.

“You have a meeting. Go quickly.”

“Okay. See you later, darling.”

Ian gently stroked Jae-Yi’s cheek and left the drawing room.

When his back figure completely disappeared, Jae-Yi shook her head helplessly and raised her trembling hands.

[Jae-Yi. Operation Gray ends at 2 am on the 15th. The location is the Paradise Hotel Suite.]

The unpleasant cold feeling came after he decided to end the operation arbitrarily.

Every time I returned the message to the company, an unbearable sense of guilt overcame me.

“I’m sorry, Ian.’

I’ve been with Ian for 2 years. Now it was really time to leave him.

“Are you really going to be like this?”

Woo-Jun, who was sitting next to Ian, pushed him with a stiff expression.

Leaving his name on Jae-Yi’s body out of the blue was probably the answer to what I said.

“Later. I can’t let go of my hands.”

Ian leaned deeply against the car seat as if he was tired. He had a completely different façade from when he was facing Jae-Yi.

The eyes that gleamed in front of Jae-Yi’s became puffy. Every time I wasn’t with her, it was just empty and boring.

“So you’re going to wait quietly until you’re betrayed? I know what Jae-Yi will take from you! If I ask you to give me your neck, will you give me that too?”

“There’s nothing I can’t give you.”

“Calm down, Ian. That woman is not the Yoo Jae-Yi you know. It’s already been two years. I have no idea how far information about us has leaked!”

I couldn’t help but feel betrayed.

The name, age, and occupation of the woman I’ve been with for nearly two years are all fake. Who can pass it without hesitation? But he couldn’t let hier go.

Just pretend you don’t know this, just a little longer.

“You say I’m fine.”

His voice, even lower than usual, took over his mood.

“Do you want to believe that you used someone else’s name for unavoidable circumstances? Or do you think I would have fallen in love with you even if I approached you intentionally?”

“Do it in moderation.”

“You do it in moderation. If the head office finds out, what are you going to do to waste time like this? If this goes wrong, can you handle it? It’s the Korean branch manager position I barely got! Do you want to go back to Russia and risk your life again?”

“You just need to keep your mouth shut.”

Woo-Jun, who was staring at Ian, who couldn’t hear what he was saying with the back of his ear, ruffled his hair in frustration.

“Ha! Even if I go crazy, you’re already crazy enough.”

Ian, who quietly listened to his friend’s repeated criticism, closed his eyes.

He was acting casually, but the area around his heart was aching. It was a symptom that has been repeated since he found out that everything about Jae-Yi was a lie.

Ian turned his head to the window and placed a hand on his stinging forehead.

What should I do if even the words of love I speak are false?

If it’s a spy planted by someone, if it’s really aimed at me. What should I really do then?

If anything happens, will I be able to live without you?

A self-deprecating laughter flowed out from his mouth.

The world that had found its own color by meeting Jae-Yi was about to return to dark gray again.

 

 

PR Notes:

Desert Eagle or Deagle is a semi-automatic pistol known for chambering the .50 Action Express, the largest centerfire cartridge of any magazine-fed, self-loading pistol.The literal translation is: ‘The nerve cells that were on the edge rang out an elongated warning light.’ but I changed it to another English equivalent like ‘My gut feeling is telling me that something isn’t right.’