My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

Shooting lasted for longer than I could actually handle. What with my chronic tendency of overthinking, and this totalitarian perfectionist of a director insisting on taking even more takes, captured in even more pretentious ways… let's just say that over time Chester really wasn't feeling his Best-er.

All in all, by the time we could call it a wrap, the evening was already starting to leak through the wintry void in the skies. Though we were assured over and over again that today had been the most productive day on set ever, that claim was a little hard to believe when the hours spent mostly consisted of us doing fifty different variations of the same two damn scenes.

If that was how a productive day looks like, then I'd really hate to see just what the hell considers unproductive.

The moment I realized I was finally free of Mr. Shades' whimsical reign, I was about ready to fling myself out the window and onto my bike not wanting to spend a single second more in this godforsaken place than I have to.

That's what Amelia apparently did. After detaching the prosthetics, and wiping the makeup, she suddenly bounced from the scene when nobody was looking.

But then I took one glance at everyone else, just as fatigued and dispirited as I was, struggling to disassemble and stow away the smallest of things, and boom - suddenly, I'm lugging around tripods and boom mics into some guy's van because I hate myself and I wanna die. You feel me?

"Fun day, today," wheezed Leonardo, gripping one end of a box and with a buckle and sway, helped me load it into the back of another's van. Bulging a vein, he heroically wiped the sweat from his heroic brow. "Even funner day tomorrow."

Across the empty lot from us, I watched Ash emerge from the entrance, three large boxes of heavy equipment in tow which she piled right next to the hefty bundle she had single-handedly hauled out herself before disappearing back into the building in a diligent search for more.

"What's tomorrow?" I asked, wrangling my back onto Leon.

"If all goes as planned, that's when Leonardo's adventure truly begins. Wacky hijinks, misadventures, accompanied by the maniacal Elf the Elidna had joined with him on a combined search of the ancient portal that would bring him back to the land of Asteria. Sad you won't be there for most of it. Though I suppose Chester isn't particularly fit for combat all things considered. Still - quite the shame."

Well, if that isn't just the bes - worst news I heard all week. What a tragedy. I can't believe this. How could they do this to me? I was having so much fun too. Still, if that is what the director thinks is best, then I suppose it can't be helped. Indeed, it just can't be helped.

After recuperating for a while, I clambered back onto the set for one final haul before calling it quits, skipping the last few steps on the stairs in a livelier mood that had nothing to do with nothing - don't question it.

I spotted one of those equipment boxes that Ash had been transporting around pairs of twos and threes every time I saw her and I figured how heavy could one possibly be anyway?

Anyway, I got my answer. And before I even realized what had happened, I was stuck between landings - waging a war against gravity doing my damndest to not become an accomplice to box-suicide and let it fall the rest of the flight.

Then, just as all hope seemed lost and the entire building was just one good thud away from crumbling like a Jenga tower, I felt the load slightly lift, my finger joints wailing with relief, and over on the other side at the slanted end of the box, descending slowly a step at a time, I saw the tips of pointed ears, the bright glow of colored pupils, and with a familiar, playful smirk greeting me right back…

I saw Hayley.

"You know this is a two-person job, right?" She advised, her eyes leering in mockery. "Don't try to be Nick. Big, silent, macho-man types aren't particularly interesting to be around anyway."

Together, we managed to turn a struggle into a saunter. Round and round the stairwell we went, the manic Elf and the suave gentleman, behaving far from the part their costumes would imply… with one side happily greeting every member on set that passed by, while the other remained tight-lipped and trying not to exist.

"By the way, I heard from Amanda," She said, her rousing, riveted gaze poking up over the box midway down a descent. "Do my ears deceive me? Are you actually, finally, taking her out somewhere of your own free will?"

"Do you girls just tell each other everything that happens in your life as soon as you're able?"

"Everything matters. Especially when it comes to things like first loves," She cocked her at me. "And first dates."

"This isn't our first date."

"No, but it's the first that you instigated - and as far as I'm concerned, that's when it really counts."

"Then, boy, am I sure glad the rules of courtship do not revolve around your beliefs."

"World would be a better place if it did."

"Right…"

For the entirety of the second-floor journey, we traversed in a sort of faux-awkward silence that definitely had more to do with me than her, because damn if there wasn't a big elephant in the room that was as heavy as the box we were holding onto.

"Y'know…" I said slowly, attempting to sweep the silence away with more small talk. "Been wondering where you've been lately, haven't seen you at work…

"Well, now you have your answer, don't you?" she spoke over me, then with an almost knowing simper, said, "Don't worry, you won't be alone with Nick for long. I'll be back as your boss before you know it, so don't start handing in your notice just yet, alright?"

While nice to know, that wasn't really my concern…

"So anyway, Chester… breaker of hearts, and enemy of women everywhere," Hayley started up again, trekking halfway through the emptiness of a corridor. "Any big plans for your big night? Have something up your sleeve? Where would you be going?"

"Sorry, I didn't realize I was actually dating you."

She chuckled. "So long as you're with Amanda, you can consider me to be part of the package. Pretty good deal, don't you think?"

"Can't say that I agree."

"Fine, be like that!" She let out a haughty huff, promptly betrayed by her faint smile afterward. "I'll just ask Amanda what you did with her after the fact. And you better hope I like what I hear, Chester."

"Oh yeah? And what would you like to hear?"

"Sorry," She batted her eyes at me. "But I don't do kiss and tell."

We rounded around a sharp corner, and into the final stretch of the journey, and while I was still actively searching for a way out of the bush I'd been busy beating around on this whole time, Hayley abruptly came to a stop.

"Need a breather," she heaved with the last of her breath, easing down her end onto the ground. "You've seen Ash carry these things? Girl makes it look easier than it actually is."

Ah, so I wasn't the only one to be tricked by that. Good to know.

I placed my end down, and Hayley promptly turned our heavy load into a makeshift seat, plopping herself on top and slumping against the wall.

"Don't worry," She said, eyeing me still standing, sweating, and patted the empty space right beside her. "Sitting with your girlfriend's friend doesn't count as cheating. Hop on."

Once again, wasn't really my concern, but… sure.

When I settled myself in place, buckling, creaking the damned thing under our combined weight like some sort of karmic retribution on our part, I could feel immediately that something had to be amiss.

So close to the exit, and now she decided to recuperate?

Seems I wasn't the only one trying to beat the bush out of all of its leaves here.

"And speaking of cheating…" Hayley muttered. And there I saw it, slowly, as she pulled it out of her pocket, a small familiar present that she lifted up into the air, raising it level and to the side of her stiffened smile. "You really don't play fair, do you?"

"That's…" I began to say, not even sure how I was gonna end. "Nick heard about it from you, and so he…"

"Backfired on me, didn't it?" She feigned a somber sigh that didn't sound very convincing. "He practically forced it onto me. Said if I threw it away, he'd resign right there and then."

"He said that?"

"Would you really put it past him? That dumb idiot?" She sighed again, twirling the gift around its edges with her fingers. "Always taking his side in everything, that daddy's boy. Time and time again. When will he learn?"

After Nick basically extorted the present from me, I wasn't really sure what to  expect to come of it. I had my ideas, my assumptions, but really, you can never be ready for reality.

"He shouldn't have done that," I said, feeling a slight burn of annoyance. "Har - Your father wouldn't have wanted it forced onto you. He'd be horrified if - "

"Yeah, but that's just the thing with him, isn't it?" She said, a cold bitterness in her tone leaving no room for doubt as to who she was referring to. "All he does is do, and do, and do, without caring what the hell happens next. And when the consequence finally does slap him in the face - oh, how he'll mope and cry on and on and have the absolute audacity to say he never meant to take it as far as he did. It was just a mistake, just a little accident. We're all human, aren't we?"

I didn't say a word… not that anything I'd said would have helped anyway. I just looked at her, and it was as if Hayley was slowly disappearing before my eyes in the way that no fake wig, ears, and costume ever could.

"Whatever. Fine. He wins this time," the small box then disappeared into her clenched fist, before being stashed away again deep into her pocket. "You can tell him that I got it. It's with me now. I won't open it, but I got it. As promised, I won't throw it away. I'll keep it close to me always, just as he probably hoped I would."

"Hayley…"

"And listen here, alright?" Hayley jumped off her seat, her figure turning and  towering over me in a loom of gloom. "You're a good friend, and seeing as you keep going out of your way to do this for me - I know you're a really good guy too. Like, what are you seeing here? An estranged dad trying to connect to his distant daughter? That's nice, touching. But please, please, for this, for me - not here. Stop. I don't need you to be a good guy for me."

"It's not about that, Hayley," I said quickly before she could interrupt. "It's just, you know your father - "

"I don't care to know the reason," She said, interrupting anyway. "I stopped caring a long time ago. And this - whatever this is, whatever he's trying - it won't change a thing, alright? I'm sorry, Chester, but you aren't going to smooth talk me into this one. There are just some things that words can't fix, you know?"

I did. I knew. Much more than she probably thought I did. And in my position as well, I didn't have a single inch of ground to stand on.

This was a losing battle, and I knew it. The very instant Harry plopped that gift into my palm that day, it was already too late.

Still, really can't say that I haven't tried, right?

I did try.

So why does it feel like that I didn't?

"Oh, now I know what Amanda means about having a seriously guilty face…" Hayley sank down, meeting my eyes from a kneel wearing back again her usual smile. "You could almost break Nick's heart looking like that, seriously…"

"You girls seriously don't miss out any details, do you?"

"Nope," She hoisted herself back up. "So that's why I suggest focusing on your date instead of me. You're such a good guy - surely, you'll be able to treat your girlfriend even better, right?"

"Again, it's not about being a good guy," I said. "I just… I thought I could help, alright?"

"Then I advise you to stop helping," She said, waving me out of my seat, preparing to lift again once more. And with a bit of strain, little groans echoing, I was face-to-face once more, with a light, playful squint. "Otherwise I might just get the wrong idea about you. We don't want that now, do we?"

I didn't answer her. I was far too busy hissing back in all the oxygen back to my brain that I'd lost.

But Hayley nodded her head regardless - taking my hiss, however way she wished.

"By the way," She said, returning again to her usual Hayley self. "Just throwing it out there, Amanda's particularly sensitive around her neck."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, it's somewhere to the side," She said, leaning her head slightly trying to show me where. "I found out about it when we were having a sleepover one time."

I don't even wanna know how she managed to find that out.

"I'm starting to think you girls just know everything about everyone," I muttered. "Can't keep much of a secret either, I'm guessing."

"Hey," She flashed a scarily innocent smile. "I won't tell if you won't," and winked. "You're welcome."

Women. Scary people.