One Regret Is Enough

The festival was going strong outside.

Decorated with flowers, flags, and colorful fabrics, the festivities were quite glamorous. From all houses and shops hung flags with images of a dragon and heroes. The streets were blooming with flowers, and the people’s attire was fancy. Wherever I looked, eye-catching things caught my eyes. The owner of a large distribution company gave away free alcohol; some even gave food to passers-by. 

That’s how much of a joyous day today’s festival was.

“Glory to the four heroes!” 

People bumped their glasses with each other and shouted. The streets were filled with songs praising the heroes. Storytellers were busy telling stories of heroes to children and people, and in the square, a street-theater recreated their adventures through a play.

“In the maze of our unknown future, we had lost all hope. There seemed to be only darkness ahead.” 

When an actor playing Feriel, one of the heroes, shouted, people clasped their hands tightly. The first hurdle of the adventure, when the heroes met and departed to put the dragon to sleep, was unfolding. The rite of passage where the guide led the rest of the heroes to find the dragon deep in the mountain range.

“It was then. A dazzling star showed us the way! The way to Aktail!”

The audience, who were absorbed by the story, sweating with the heroes as the play unfolded, cheered at the actor’s hopeful lines, and the sound of music grew louder. 

Cheers and laughter echoed throughout the city. Everyone in the capital rejoiced and was blissful that Aktail fell asleep again.

Except for me.

“…Miss Cornelia.”

I slowly closed and opened my eyes to the voice of the maid calling me. Contrary to the excitement of the festival outside, the east annex in Duke Astorf’s residence was quiet.

“I guess the heroes won’t come.”

At my comment, the maid bit her lip with a restless face. ‘She didn’t do anything wrong.’ I lowered my gaze thinking so.

“Grandma. We should go ourselves. Those kids won’t be coming.” Saying so, I rubbed the coffin lying next to me. In it lay my grandmother, who, until yesterday, was still breathing. My courageous grandmother, who raised me and helped the four heroes, was now in a permanent sleep.

“Grandma.”

As I bowed my head, the black veil covering my face swayed. I called for her and leaned my head against the coffin.

‘If I do this, will I hear the sound of her heart beating? Maybe, my grandmother will smile at me again? Isn’t she my sweet grandmother who answered my calls even while sleeping?’

“Shall we return to our hometown? It’s been two years since we’ve come to the capital. It’s been long enough. The capital is too heartless for us to live here.”

I could almost hear her voice saying she didn’t want to leave. Her cute complaints that she hadn’t eaten all the food she wanted to try yet. My too greedy grandmother. I chuckled quietly.

Just then, the door opened and a man entered the room. Wearing a neat white uniform and red cloak without any wrinkles, it was the Duke of Astorf, Debron, one of the four heroes, and the owner of the mansion where I was staying.

“Cornelia.”

I had desperately once longed for that voice, but now it was a voice I didn’t want to hear. And yet, I couldn’t ignore him, so I struggled to lift my head and look at Debron.

An exquisite face that looked as if it was painted with strong lines, yet it still appeared delicate. Sharp, straight shape of eyes with deep azure pupils.

I smirked. Even in this situation, I disliked myself for thinking I was glad to see him. 

His gaze reached the coffin I was holding.

“…I’m late.”

“Right, it’s late. My grandmother has already gone to God’s side.”

As soon as I finished speaking, I turned my head to take my eyes off of him. I was grateful for the veil that covered my face, and I hated myself for constantly glancing at him. 

Debron had a dull face. A face devoid of shock or sadness, silence followed. A person with nothing to say even though my grandmother had passed away. Even the things he had to say to me. I tightly bit my lower lip.

‘In the end, do I even have to ask this kind of thing?’

“Can you tell me why you’re late? I have been telling the butler that my grandmother was in critical condition for a few days. At least at her deathbed… we could have been there together.”

“I had to vacate the mansion because of an important command from His Majesty the Emperor. Didn’t the butler tell you?”

His voice was cold as a blade. If there had been any substance to his voice, he would have already cut out my heart. I continued speaking, calming my trembling voice as much as possible.

“I heard, but Grandma wanted to see you guys until the end…”

“It was the Aktail Festival. All the heroes had to attend the Imperial party.”

Bitterness spread in my mouth when he answered, cutting me off as if I wasn’t worth listening to anymore. All heroes. The Emperor, the heroes, they were all liars. The hand holding the hem of my skirt naturally tightened. My knuckles hardened to the point I felt pity for my pale, dry hands.

“I’m a hero, too, but I never received such invitation.”

“…That’s something you’ve already agreed to.”

“You’re right, I agreed to it.”

I mumbled softly and then got up. Maybe it was because I had not slept or eaten properly for the past few days, my vision suddenly blurred, and my body faltered greatly. However, Debron only stared at me, showing no intention to reach out and hold me or even of moving his body. Rather, his brows wrinkled as if he had seen something he didn’t want to see. At the same time, he took a step back. Such a sight was caught in my eyes.

“Miss Cornelia, are you all right?”

On the contrary, Bell, the maid who was further behind him, ran up to me and grabbed me, preventing me from falling. As she asked if I was okay, I barely nodded my head.

‘Are you not even thinking of reaching out to me now?’ Tears covered my eyes. I recalled the time when we were on our way to Aktail. If I stumbled even a little, the big hands that stretched out to me in a rush, the safe arms that supported me.

“Are you okay?”

And the eyes and voice that held genuinely worry about me came to mind one by one. But when I raised my head, the man of the past had disappeared, and only Debron stood there, looking at me with cold eyes. 

Holding Bell’s hand tightly, I slowly approached Debron. Fortunately, he didn’t back down this time.

“…I’m thinking of returning to my hometown as soon as the preparations are finished.”

I raised my head and looked at Debron. Cold blue eyes stared at me beyond the black veil.

‘What are you thinking that makes those eyes sink so deeply? At least I don’t think it’s sadness over my grandmother’s death. I don’t know, Debron. I don’t know you at all. I thought I knew you well.’

“It was my grandmother’s will. She said she wanted to be buried near her hometown. This much… you can grant me this much, right?”

“I see. I’ll put up some knights for you so you can go back.”

“…Right.”

After his answer, silence lingered between us for a moment. Debron was the one who broke the seemingly unbreakable silence.

“Is that all your business?”

It sounded as if he wanted to go immediately. I could tell he didn’t want to stay any longer.

‘My grandmother, the woman who helped you all, passed away.’ Those words almost came out to the tip of my tongue, but I bit my lips and barely held it in. As I nodded silently, he brushed his dark hair back and spoke in a cold voice.

“I’ll arrange everything so it’s as convenient as possible, so be at ease and have a safe trip and come back. And… I pray for the peace of the dead. Everyone wished for Hibi’s comfort, even though they couldn’t make it.”

Saying this, he turned and left the room. I looked back at him for a moment and muttered blankly.

“I don’t need your prayers.”

Tears flowed down my chin, and I bit my lip so hard that it bled. The wind brought the sound of a song so bright that it felt bitter. My heart sank at the sound of songs praising the four heroes.

I shook my head unconsciously.

No. There are not four heroes.

“…There are five of us. I’m a hero, too.”

I also put the dragon to sleep. I guided the lost heroes, and I, I too, gave them support. But they refused. They said I couldn’t stand in that glorious position, because I’m a commoner. My merits… were all considered theirs. My body fell apart along with the cry I had barely suppressed. Surprised, Bell ran and helped me, but my gaze was still glued to his afterimage. I should’ve spoken at that back that turned around coldly.

I’m not coming to the capital. I’m not coming back to this mansion. I’ll never see you again. But you don’t even care, do you…

I laughed with tearful eyes.

What if I hadn’t helped you all out of my guilty conscience? What if I hadn’t loved you? 

Thus, if I hadn’t stayed in this mansion, Grandma wouldn’t have closed her eyes in such an unfamiliar, solitary place. She would have closed her eyes peacefully, surrounded by beautiful nature and the farewell of villagers she had known for a long time. At least she wouldn’t have been caught up in my worries until the moment she died.

‘I regret it…’ For helping you, for loving you. For believing in you till the end. I regret all the choices I made.

“Baby.”

Grandma’s last words echoed in my ears. Her dry hand stroking my cheek came to mind.

“Baby, emotions that you can’t handle are like poison.”

‘You’re right, Grandma. It’s poison. A poison that will kill me.’ I laughed out loud. Strangely, laughter and tears mixed together. Why is it? I feel so relieved now.

I could feel Bell’s sad gaze on me, but I didn’t care. 

Aren’t I the one who’s leaving soon anyway? 

Bye, my comrade. My love.

I’m leaving you to live. I’m not coming back.

‘…Because one regret is enough.’