Solitary Toss of Tenderness

Fulfill your dreams of the blue sea and sky

Xu Baitao sat in the coffee shop, hands clasped together on the table, gazing at the sun gradually disappearing outside the window. He watched as the street lamps lit up one by one, and felt the time of his reunion with Jiang Wang approaching. His thumbs fidgeted nervously, and he couldn’t quite explain the sudden tension he felt.

There were five minutes left until the agreed time, and his gaze suddenly fixed on a slender and tall woman with long hair outside the window. She was wearing high heels, slim trousers, a white shirt, and a long coat, walking gracefully and calmly from a distance. Xu Baitao immediately stood up, his intuition telling him that this was Yun Bo, twelve years later…

His intuition didn’t fail him; the woman was indeed approaching him step by step, getting closer until she finally stood in front of him.

Xu Baitao carefully examined Jiang Wang.

Her appearance was even more outstanding than years ago, and her temperament seemed softer and less harsh than before. Yet, those emotionless eyes remained the same.

After hesitating for a moment, Xu Baitao extended his hand and curved his lips, his usually clear voice slightly hoarse with excitement, but filled with sincere joy and relief as he said, “Fourth Sister, it’s really you. You’re still here, that’s great, that’s wonderful…”

Jiang Wang, however, simply gazed at the elegant and refined young man before her for a while, then lightly and swiftly shook his hand, a faint smile appearing at the corner of her lips. She softly chuckled and said, “Long time no see…” She then calmly took a seat.

In an instant, Xu Baitao felt somewhat awkward. In that soft chuckle, he keenly sensed that his earlier perception had been mistaken. Jiang Wang had not become gentler over the years, at least not towards him. Her every word, every gesture, and every smile were consistently cold with a hint of mockery.

He didn’t guess wrong; indeed, many years ago, Yun Bo didn’t like him. It was because Yun Bo knew that this boy, who had grown up alongside Xu Baihan since childhood, held a significant place in Xu Baihan’s heart, perhaps even surpassing herself. This made her envy and resent him.

After many years, Yun Bo’s jealousy towards him had only increased, not diminished.

Xu Baitao also took a seat and gestured for the waiter, ordering two cups of coffee for himself and Jiang Wang. Then, he looked at Jiang Wang, who was resting her chin on her hand and gazing out the window, and remained silent for a moment before speaking, “Fourth Sister, after so many years, why didn’t you come back to find us? Don’t you know how much our family was heartbroken because of you?”

As soon as he finished speaking, he saw Jiang Wang turn her head back, the smile on her lips deepening, her gaze sharp and icy, her voice indifferent. Xu Baitao, however, could sense the sarcasm behind her words, “Is that so? I really didn’t know. Look, without me, haven’t you all been living just fine?”

Xu Baitao frowned slightly and immediately retorted, “It’s not like that. Uncle has often mentioned you these years, saying he owes you. Whenever he talks about you, he…”

Before he could finish his sentence, Jiang Wang coldly interrupted him, “I don’t want to hear about all that. Those things have nothing to do with me anymore.”

She paused and continued, “I don’t have much patience for catching up on old times and exchanging pleasantries. Please get straight to the point and tell me something important about yourself or your sister.”

That father, that family, the so-called kinship they once cherished, had died in her heart long before she physically left them over a decade ago. Besides Xu Baihan, everything in that family had long become irrelevant to her. She had no desire to understand or know anything about it.

Xu Baitao’s throat tightened, and the unfinished words faded away on his lips. He gazed at Jiang Wang with an incredulous look for a long time, unable to help but sigh, “Fourth Sister, you’ve become even colder and more ruthless than you were back then.”

The coffee arrived.

Jiang Wang rested her chin on one hand and stirred the coffee gently with a small spoon. Upon hearing his words, she merely narrowed her eyes slightly, a faint smile playing at the corners of her lips, neither confirming nor denying his observation.

Xu Baitao felt that his heart was gradually cooling down…

After a long silence, he finally found his voice again, this time without a hint of amusement in his words, “Do you know that my sister waited for you outside the hospital in the cold for a long, long time last night, to the point that she couldn’t get up from bed today because of the fever?”

Hearing the phrase “couldn’t get up from bed,” Jiang Wang’s hand stirring the spoon paused for a moment. It felt like a sudden prick in her heart, but it was only a fleeting moment. She responded in a calm tone, “I didn’t know…”

Upon hearing her indifferent tone and expression, Xu Baitao couldn’t help but feel annoyed. He clenched his fist tightly, trying to restrain his anger, and asked again, “Then do you know that in Juzhou the other day, she fell down the stairs just to call you, injuring her head and requiring nearly ten stitches, suffering from a mild concussion, yet the very next day, she disregarded everything to come to Linzhou to find you?”

A bitter feeling welled up in Jiang Wang’s heart as she remembered that day, the slightly pale face of Xu Baihan, and her somewhat weak voice. She couldn’t believe she had been completely oblivious. Was it because of her bangs that she didn’t notice? No, she felt she wasn’t that careless; it must have been Xu Baihan deliberately hiding it from her.

A mixture of pain and anger surged within Jiang Wang, but she remained composed on her face, gritting her teeth and, after a pause, faintly replied, “Should I have known?” Then she raised her gaze, a subtle smile hanging at the corners of her lips, filled with unusual sarcasm.

Xu Baitao, what right did he have to question her? As the one responsible for that accident and the one who emerged victorious, what right did he have to sit here and accuse her, who had been abandoned?

Xu Baitao could no longer hold back his emotions. Thinking about Xu Baihan’s heartbreaking despair and her tearful words, “But I love her,” while looking at Jiang Wang’s indifferent demeanor, anger surged uncontrollably within him. He angrily rebuked, “Yun Bo, do you have any heart at all?”

Upon hearing this, Jiang Wang’s fists clenched in an instant, almost grinding her teeth to pieces. Finally, her anger turned into a bitter smile, and she said, word by word, “Xu Baitao, please deliver this message to your sister. Ask her, does she have a heart at all? Ask her, have I, Yun Bo, ever wronged her in the slightest?” She spoke coldly, “This question is not for you to ask me!”

She had given everything for this love, without the slightest reservation. But what did Xu Baihan give her in return? She had always regarded Xu Baihan as the most important person in her life, but what was her position in Xu Baihan’s heart? She couldn’t win against her parents, couldn’t win against her biological brother, and couldn’t even win against those gossipy outsiders! Back then, when she was blinded by love, she could still deceive herself. But now, with all the truth laid bare before her eyes, she hadn’t even asked Xu Baihan this question. So what right did Xu Baitao have to ask her?

Xu Baitao’s eyes turned red with anger. He gritted his teeth, calmed himself for a while, and spoke again, “You don’t know anything, Yun Bo. In the years when you were missing and presumed dead, my sister never had a good day. For years, we thought it was out of guilt that she tortured herself like that. But until yesterday, when she told me that she loves you, I finally understood that she had been enduring more pain than we ever knew…”

But in the next second, Jiang Wang decisively denied Xu Baitao, “No, she doesn’t love me!”

At this moment, Xu Baitao could no longer hold back and slammed the table, standing up, “Yun Bo, you’re going too far! You don’t know anything! Have you seen my sister’s legs?”

Jiang Wang’s heart trembled, and her hand holding the spoon couldn’t conceal the trembling anymore…

Xu Baitao wanted to brutally reveal the truth, tearing off Jiang Wang’s mask of indifference and calmness. “Those injuries were for you! After you were swept away by the tide that year, she wanted to go back and save you, but she was held back and cried until she fainted. When she woke up in the hospital, she found out that you were gone. In my mother’s absence, she resolutely jumped from the hospital window, determined to die. Fortunately, she was saved in time, but her legs couldn’t be healed. Later, she attempted to take her life several times, and our family was terrified. We monitored her 24/7. Finally, we lied to her, saying that you still had a chance of survival and she should wait for your return. Only then did she slowly recover and start waiting for you. The hospital’s experts said her legs had little hope of recovery in China, but there was a chance abroad. Yet, she refused to listen to anyone and stubbornly waited for you at home. And so, one month dragged on, one year, ten years… Yun Bo, tell me, isn’t this love for you? What else do you want from her?!”

Jiang Wang clenched her fists, her chest feeling suffocated as if she couldn’t breathe. Her eyes were becoming sore and almost unable to open, desperately holding back the tears that were about to fall. It’s not true, none of this is true… it’s all lies… all lies!

She bit her lip, the force almost drawing blood, her voice hoarse, “No, she doesn’t love me. Maybe it’s just guilt and indebtedness, just to make herself feel a little better…”

In the next moment, warm and sticky liquid splashed onto Jiang Wang’s beautiful and delicate face.

Xu Baitao finally lost control. He picked up the coffee from the table, raised his hand, and poured it onto Jiang Wang’s cold and harsh face, shouting in anger, “Yun Bo, you’re not human! Saying that, do you have any regard for my sister? Do you?” As he spoke, his voice seemed to break with a sob…

Jiang Wang forcefully straightened her body, standing tall, her own eyes just as red, as she coldly stared at Xu Baitao. She picked up the coffee in front of her and, with equal determination, raised her hand and poured it all over Xu Baitao’s body and face. Her voice was low, hoarse, and chilling, “Xu Baitao, you have no right to pour this coffee on me. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be in this situation today.”

At that moment, tears finally slid down the cheeks of Xu Baitao, the once grown boy who had not shed a tear since becoming an adult. In these past years, seeing Xu Baihan tormenting herself with guilt so many times, he had often felt overwhelmed. He had punched sandbags in the gym until his hands were bloodied and he collapsed on the ground, blaming himself, wishing that he had not insisted on going to the beach that year, wishing that it had been him who died instead…

But if back then, Xu Baihan had given up on herself, would Jiang Wang blame, resent, and hate her?

Xu Baitao didn’t know, and he dared not answer…

He knew that no matter what decision Xu Baihan had made that year, she wouldn’t have been able to feel any better or find any relief. His poor sister…

He closed his eyes in exhaustion, as if drained, slumping down and speaking weakly, “Fourth Sister, I secretly sent my sister’s medical records to a specialist in the United States. He said that if we keep delaying, my sister will never be able to stand up again in her lifetime. These years, our whole family has not been living well. My parents, because of my sister, have shed countless tears and sighs. Can’t you see that we are begging you? If you still love her, forgive her and stay with her, walk the path together. But if you truly don’t love her anymore, then let her give up completely, stop waiting, and from now on, let the bridge be a bridge and the road be a road. She owes you her life, but she has given you back two legs and twelve years of her youth. That should be enough, and there will be no more debts between you.”

He didn’t see how much Jiang Wang’s body trembled, nearly on the verge of collapsing. With one hand, she pressed firmly on the table to force herself from collapsing.

After a long while, Jiang Wang didn’t say anything, nor did she respond to him. She simply turned around and walked away, step by slow step, staggering and desolate, until she disappeared from Xu Baitao’s sight…

In the car parked in the parking lot, Jiang Wang couldn’t hold back anymore. She slumped over the steering wheel, tears flowing like a fountain. For the first time, she cried aloud, crying as if her heart was being torn apart.

In all these years, no matter how aggrieved, painful, or unbearable she felt, she had never cried so unrestrainedly…

In this lifetime, almost all her tears were shed for Xu Baihan, and even now, it remained the same…

And in the first half of her life, almost all her smiles were because of Xu Baihan…

Xu Baihan, tell me, how can I not love you?

But even if I love you, what does it matter? Even if you love me, what does it change?

I love only you, but you love countless others in this world. You want to be the obedient and well-behaved daughter in your parents’ eyes, the outstanding role model in the eyes of your juniors, and the knowledgeable and elegant lady in the eyes of strangers. How can you possibly achieve all that when all I hope for is to be loved by my beloved, Xu Baihan?

She cried until she couldn’t catch her breath, until she felt powerless and couldn’t lift her head…

She didn’t know how much time had passed, but Jiang Wang finally lifted her head from the steering wheel, slowly wiped away her tears, started the car, and drove away into the distance…

Xu Baihan, I am 27 years old now, no longer naive. I understand your past fears and hesitations, and I know that I haven’t been enough for you to love me the most.

Whether it’s guilt or love, I still thank you for making me realize that everything wasn’t just my wishful thinking, not just a solo performance I put on alone.

So now, let me love you one last time, let me fulfill you, fulfill your dreams of the blue sea and sky.