Starting a Reversal in Life From the Time of Release

6 – Regret and Resentment (3)

“…Wow! It looks f*cking expensive just by looking at it.”

7 PM. Alex sat in a room decorated like a traditional Korean house, looking around.

Since he said he wanted to have a drink, we brought him to an expensive Korean restaurant, and despite swearing, he seemed satisfied.

He seemed to like the atmosphere.

It was my first time coming here, so I felt strangely nervous.

“It’s ridiculously expensive.”

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“Really? More expensive than omakase?”

“I think it’s similar or even more expensive.”

Even just the omakase course costs tens of thousands of won, and ordering drinks on top of that can increase the cost.

This Korean restaurant is just the same.

“Welcome. It’s nice to meet you. Would you like to order?”

As soon as I pressed the bell on the table, a female waitress in a suit came out with the menu.

I glanced through the menu and asked Alex, “Is there anything you can’t eat?”

“No.”

“Then, please give me this.”

When I pointed to the evening course with my hand, the waitress politely nodded and stepped back.

Meanwhile, Alex’s eyes were following the waitress’s black, short skirt.

“Hmm. Seems like the staff here don’t eat well. They don’t have any fat on their hips. It must be easy for them to choose pants compared to our Ceresea.”

Ceresea is Alex’s wife, who has a Western body shape even among Western body shapes.

She attracted attention with her beauty and good personality in various ways.

Her volume was so great that you could even hear vulgar comments about her.

“Most people would be the same compared to Ceresea.”

“Hmm… You’re right.”

We exchanged trivial jokes, and colorful dishes began to enter the room one by one.

There were dishes that I had never seen before in my life, or I had only seen in photos.

Thanks to that, we enjoyed our meal, had pleasant conversations, and filled our stomachs.

“Oh, you said we should meet again in a week?”

As the flow of eating came to an end and time passed.

Alex drank the strong alcohol in a small glass without changing his complexion.

“Yes.”

“We’ll meet?”

With a loud noise, Alex put down his empty glass and his eyes sparkled.

It was clear that he was curious about what answer I would give.

“Yes. I want to meet first.”

“Oh, really? I thought you’d hate to see my face.”

“I’m not holding a grudge against you. We haven’t fought.”

I’m still upset and resentful that those people don’t trust me.

Still, as I mentioned earlier, I wasn’t so angry that I wanted to kill them.

“Oh, really? So you’d be willing to forgive them?”

“That’s not it. It’s only been a day since I was released.”

If it had been 10 years since my release, I might not know, but not now.

The most painful emotions are the largest, and I couldn’t free myself from those feelings because I’m only human.

“Oh, really? If it were me, I’d be willing to forgive.”

“Really?”

When Alex showed a generous attitude, I was taken aback.

Even though he had become much gentler, if I didn’t like something, I had a tendency to pick at even the smallest things.

“Then, if you show enough sincerity, I can consider it.”

“For example?”

“Well… let me think.”

Alex picked up a piece of perfectly white raw fish in front of him and slowly chewed on it as if savoring the texture.

It was obvious that he was playing hard to get, so I was even more anxious.

I wondered what answer he would come up with.

Finally, Alex put down the chopsticks in his hand and opened his mouth.

“First, as a gesture of apology, surrender all your assets, and sign a slave contract. That’s the basic requirement. Then, strip naked like an animal and pray on your knees. Some people dress their pets in clothes, but most just leave them be.”

“… “

I couldn’t say a word. I had to shut my mouth.

It occurred to me that he seemed more lenient than I had expected.

“Isn’t it such a big crime? In the first place, it’s not even a crime.”

“Is it because it upsets you? Then, that’s a big crime.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

Alex downed a shot and then cleared his throat, as if he wanted me to listen.

It seemed that he quite liked the taste of soju.

“Of course, this is just my perspective. You probably see it differently, right?”

“Of course.”

“Well, do as you wish. Consider my opinion as a reference.”

It was a surprisingly considerate statement, not in line with what I usually expect from him.

I was so taken aback by what I heard.

Perhaps the Helix people across the sea might raise their eyebrows if they saw such a sight.

It felt like Alex might actually be right, which was quite surprising.

I gazed at the empty glass, made of pottery, and reached for it.

I didn’t particularly like alcohol, but I felt like having one more drink.

A week later.

I meticulously cleaned the remaining dust around the house while waiting for her to come home.

It was partly because she mentioned wanting to meet in a quiet place, but there was also a question of whether she would come even if she found moving to be a bother.

The answer was ultimately that she would come.

Alex happened to have left on a plane two days ago, so the house was empty with only me in it.

Ding-dong. I lay on the floor, looking up at the ceiling, when a loud doorbell rang in my ears.

It was probably Se Ha-Neul.

“Um… Excuse me. Thank you very much for seeing me.”

As I opened the front door, Se Ha-Neul greeted me politely in a neat outfit.

There was nothing particularly surprising about that, but standing next to her was Lee Yoo-Rim, who also lowered her head.

It caught me off guard for a moment, but I quickly regained my composure and let them into the house.

“I’m really… sorry.”

The two of them nervously bent their waists, sitting face to face with me in the living room, both of them touching the floor with their hands.

I was so perplexed that I lost my words and could barely manage to speak.

“For now, please sit up.”

When I told them to sit up, the two of them finally straightened their backs.

Guilty expressions.

A look of not knowing what to do.

And even a gaze filled with self-blame.

He seemed like someone who had committed a great sin and was regretful.

“Didn’t I already give you my answer before?”

Even if I were to ask for forgiveness, his heart wouldn’t be willing to accept it.

Clearly, I had answered Seo Haneul in that way before.

Seo Haneul nodded obediently, as if he knew that.

“Yes. That’s right.”

“But why did you come again?”

“That… “

As I asked in a slightly reproachful tone, Seo Haneul’s pupils, which had shown no expression, began to flicker.

It was a startled look as I treated him even more coldly.

“I have one thing… that I want your permission for. That’s why I came.”

Maybe it was difficult to see that appearance, so Yiyeoreum answered cautiously.

“Permission? What is it? Do you want me to forgive you?”

“How can you say that? I have been so shameless.”

It’s not that I want you to forgive me.

When I heard those words, my head instinctively shook.

Although the atmosphere looked like he had come to seek forgiveness, he answered as if it wasn’t true.

Yiyeoreum looked at me as if she was truly sorry and answered.

She was much calmer than when she came to find me in a hurry.

“First… I want to apologize for the way I spoke critically a week ago. I’m really sorry.”

She lowered her head once again, then looked straight into my eyes and opened her mouth.

“And it’s not forgiveness… I hope I can have a chance to ask for forgiveness. That’s why I came.”

“Not forgiveness?”

“Yes.”

This time, Seo Haneul, who had been silent, spoke, and Yiyeoreum closed her mouth.

“I didn’t trust you till the end. I never showed my face in the prison. I also made a lot of mistakes. I didn’t keep the last courtesy that I should have as a teammate.”

As I listened attentively to her words, she poured out all the words she had kept inside.

I calmly listened to those words.

Although I still felt hurt, I tried my best to empty my heart.

The circumstances were different, but even in the prison, there were many people who confessed their sins.

There were people who had been living in the same room, as well as people they happened to encounter by chance.

Their sins ranged from light to heavy, all sorts of sins.

I contemplated deeply while listening to their stories.

Considering the victims who suffered due to the offenders, it would be worth receiving a lifetime of curses.

Perhaps, due to the sins they committed, they would also receive a lifetime of curses.

In that case, why would we need a correctional facility?

Why would we set the goal of reforming the guilty and turning them into respectable people?

If the victims cannot forgive them for a lifetime.

Or if they suffer because of it, wouldn’t it be better off without it?

No matter how light the sin, wouldn’t it be right to execute them all?

I even had such extreme thoughts.

Then, suddenly, I gained a small realization.

It is that every human can commit wrongdoings.

Not being able to forgive the guilty until the end is also human, but ironically, giving them a chance is also human.

Of course, it would be impossible for the directly affected victims.

Because they would have resentment deep in their hearts.

But.

It seemed like they wouldn’t have looked down on the work done in the correctional facility until they themselves had suffered firsthand.

Otherwise, there would have been an abundance of execution facilities and corpse treatment facilities instead of correctional facilities.

While others may not know, I want to believe that.

Furthermore, there may be people among those who have suffered some kind of harm who think that prisoners should pay for their sins.

In the end, it was solely up to oneself to make a judgment.

Just as forgiveness cannot be forced, it is also inappropriate to insist on hating unconditionally.

I woke up from the past while listening to Seo Haneul’s voice and occasionally engaging in conversation with Yeorum.

Instead of asking for forgiveness, they begged for a chance for forgiveness, and that judgment was up to me.

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“You asked for a chance for forgiveness, right?”

I asked calmly, and the two people sitting across from me nodded cautiously.

They were still afraid, still desperate.

“What will happen if I never forgive you?”

“It’s okay. Please… just give me a chance for forgiveness.”

“Of course, it would be nice if you could forgive me, but… that’s just our desire. In reality, we’re still being selfish even now, causing harm.”

Although our ways of expressing it were different, the conclusion was the same.

Even if I don’t forgive, it means they’ll keep seeking forgiveness until the end.

“For the rest of my life?”

“Yes. Until my last breath.”

A lifetime of seeking forgiveness.

Though I could sense the sincerity, my heart wasn’t wide enough to fully accept it.

I had accepted the sins of others as mere sins, and it was quite foolish of me to only let go of this one act of negligence.

They claimed that the debris growing under my fingernails hurt more than the blade that had pierced another’s stomach…

“So… will you listen to whatever I say?”

“Of course.”

Both of them nodded as if they had been waiting for my question.

Their lack of hesitation was almost intimidating.

I remained silent for a moment, recalling Alex’s words.

There were proposals optimized for crushing people like a tyrant.

“Even if I ask you to live as a slave for the rest of your life?”

“Yes.”

“If I ask you to give up all your possessions?”

“I will give them all.”

“If I tell you to wear a dog collar, walk barefoot, and bark on all fours?”

“Well… I’ll do it.”

For a moment, I almost blurted out that it wasn’t necessary.

It was quite an old internet meme, so why was it coming to mind now…

If I had asked for forgiveness, I could have refused more firmly, but the request for a chance to seek forgiveness was too desperate.

Moreover, it seemed like they were willing to give up everything, no matter how ridiculous it was.

Resentment and bitterness remained, but there was a slight sense of diminishment.

So I decided to give them a chance and see how they would make use of the opportunity to seek forgiveness.