Surviving as a Saint in Another World

probation (6)

I laughed with the princess and Celia as we headed towards the carriage, and found a woman seated at the now almost empty memorial service.

“Ronan?”

“Saint Ronan?”

As I was blinded by the woman’s aura and inadvertently moved toward it, the princess called my name as if wondering.

I put my index finger to my mouth for a moment and asked her to be quiet, then I walked back to the woman.

The princess and Celia quietly followed me, as if they thought I had a reason for doing so.

The woman was offering prayers toward the prepared altar in an undisturbed posture.

I approached the woman and silently watched her pray.

She must have been praying before I saw her, but a woman who continues to pray for a long time.

After a long time passed, I spoke quietly to the woman who slowly opened her eyes.

“Did any of the victims have family members?”

At my words, instead of looking back, the woman gazed with a faint gaze somewhere on the list of victims’ names.

“Yes…my husband was the chief of the city guard.”

I pondered for a while about what the widow’s husband’s name was. It was a worry with no answer.

“The Vice President…”

I was about to ask the name of the captain of the guard, but I realized that was an unhelpful question for the current situation.

Because a dead husband can’t come back. It’s probably because it’s a name that will never be called by anyone from now on.

“Did your husband die fighting monsters?”

“Would it have been better if I had died because I lacked ability while fighting?”

The widow’s gaze moved away from the list and toward the statue of Orion.

“There was a group of survivors in a collapsed building at the scene of the incident. They said that while rescuing the survivors, they were surrounded by monsters and took their own bait.”

I couldn’t find anything to say for a moment and just stared at the widow’s back.

“He’s a cruel person. Maybe he valued his subordinates and the poor more than his wife. Or maybe he felt a sense of useless heroism.”

His words were sharp, but his voice was full of longing.

I looked at that scene and calculated whether the widow’s husband would have survived if I had definitely settled the situation in the slums and headed to the church, and it would not be too late to head to the church.

Because it was a long time ago now.

Instead, I turned to the widow and asked the question that had been on my mind for a while.

“Do you hate a saint who is recognized by everyone even though he couldn’t help his wife?”

The sound of swallowing Celia’s breath came from behind.

There was no answer from the widow for a while.

Instead of rushing for an answer, I waited.

“I think it was.”

At last the widow’s mouth opened.

“The saint said he defeated all evil and protected people. So what about my unprotected husband? I think I thought that way.”

I put my hand on Celia’s shoulder to stop her from reflexively stepping out, then continued to listen to the widow.

“I hated Orion-sama, the saint, the guards who said he was a hero, and the people in the slums who were the cause of death.”

A fairly static voice for someone who pours out his hatred for the world.

“I even thought that even if I died, I was being used even after I died, because the victims of the incident and even people who were not related were invited to hold a memorial service.”

He was also seeing through the essence of this memorial service.

So I had no choice but to ask the next question.

“Then why… don’t you hate the saint any more? Your wife deserves it.”

“You say weird things. Like someone who knows I don’t do that anymore.”

Instead of answering my words, the widow slowly turned to look at me.

“The Holy Son said that. What I am afraid of is not being able to reach people who need my help in time. Is that really so?”

I took a moment to choose my words.

Normally, of course, I would have been positive, but my mouth didn’t fall to the point where it was strange.

Actually, that’s definitely not my intention.

Afraid of not being able to go to rescue people? Who the hell would say that sober?

Even I didn’t even know about the leader of the guard who was the widow’s husband, and I didn’t know what kind of story he had. was celebrating

“At the very least, not being able to help her husband must have been painful.”

Remembering all of that, the best sincerity I could say was such an ambiguous answer.

“Then, could he possibly have entered Orion’s world? They say that if he gets involved with a demon worshiper, he will wander around the world even after he dies.”

Personally, I was skeptical about that statement.

I can’t say anything because I don’t know if I can see it or if it’s true if I wander the earth in a state of soul, but at least I don’t think the dead could have gone to the paradise Orion had arranged for Orion not doing his job right now.

That’s what I thought this time too.

“certainly.”

However, the words that seemed to be full of confidence came out of my mouth naturally unlike before.

“That’s enough.”

When the widow heard that, she bowed her head towards me.

“I know that if it wasn’t for the Holy Son, he wouldn’t have received so many sincere tributes from so many people on his way out. Thank you.”

This was also a sincere thanks. So I felt even worse.

“Was that really meaningful to the deceased?”

“Well…at least to me, it was meaningful. Influenced by the saint’s remarks, I felt at ease thinking that he too would be able to leave satisfactorily if a person like this decorated the end.”

I closed my eyes for a moment at those words.

There is no story other than a fairy tale that makes everyone happy in this world.

It was an obvious truth that everyone knew.

I still couldn’t blame myself for her husband’s death. And the widow’s husband wasn’t the only victim in the situation.

The poor people died from the beginning of the incident, so even if I tried to save all the dead guards whose names were written there, I could have been defeated by going to the church and lacking divine power.

Even if he had enough divine power, there was no guarantee that he could save everyone because the slums were so wide.

Considering the seriousness of the situation and the importance of time, my judgment was correct.

But all the rational reasons I came up with didn’t make the widow in front of me have to lose her husband.

I bowed toward the widow as she had just bowed toward me.

“sorry.”

“I know you must have suffered enough. Not even the saint’s fault. So I have nothing to forgive, but I will forgive you anyway.”

The widow naturally accepted my apology without showing any surprise.

“Because if I don’t formally forgive you, you seem like someone who will continue to suffer. Don’t try to handle the world alone like that.”

At that sound, I raised my head again and looked at the widow. To be precise, I looked at the aura of emotions that hadn’t gone away since a while ago.

“You don’t have to try to handle the world alone, Mrs.”

“Am I?”

“You can continue to hate me, if that gives you a will to live.”

“…”

The widow stopped talking. Without waiting for an answer, I spoke one after another.

“It is a great sin to take one’s own life. You may never be reunited with your husband.”

“…That’s a very sad story.”

“Your husband wouldn’t want you to make that choice either.”

“I didn’t want him to make that choice either.”

For a while, a strange confrontation ensued.

It was the widow who turned her attention first.

The widow, who had packed her belongings, gave me a small bow.

“It was an honor to be able to talk. Holy Son.”

The widow passing by me at the end of that greeting.

In the end, I thought it was excessive meddling, so I brought out the words that I hadn’t said.

“Then what are you going to do with the child in your belly?

At that, the widow looked at me as if she had heard something unexpected.

“There’s…his baby in my stomach?”

I nodded. I guess I didn’t know yet.

It wasn’t a lie to escape the situation. My eyes saw that the widow was pregnant.

“Yes… the child…”

The widow, who was stroking her belly, finally couldn’t hold back and began to weep.

To be honest, I couldn’t decide whether it was good to know that I was pregnant even now. My husband was already dead.

Would the leader of the guards have changed his judgment if he had known that his wife had a baby in her belly?

“He loved children so much that he couldn’t even see his own child…”

“If your wife takes her life now, you will erase the last traces of the person who becomes your husband.”

The widow’s eyes trembled slightly.

“You seem to be able to say quite harsh things to the saint.”

I also momentarily looked back at what I had said and couldn’t hide my embarrassment because I thought it was too much. I realized that I was more immersed in this situation than I thought.

“You look very different from how I felt at the memorial service.”

Before I knew it, I noticed that the dreaded color had disappeared from the widow’s aura.

“The Holy Son’s words are right. I shouldn’t erase the last traces of him with my own hands.”

The widow’s eyes began to grow willful, and she turned to me.

“I owe you several things today. Shamefully, can I ask you one favor?”

“Anything I can do.”

“Could you name the child by any chance?”

I was expecting financial support, but my head was blank for a moment at the widow’s request that completely missed my expectations.

Naming a child was such an unfamiliar act to me.

Embarrassed, I inadvertently looked around, but Celia and the princess avoided my gaze.

these traitors.

I shook my head and tried to remember the child’s name.

With a name that wouldn’t be strange to a man or a woman…

“Leaf. How are you?”

“Leaf…Leaf…”

After pronouncing the words I said several times, the widow soon showed a satisfied smile.

“That’s a nice name.”

I quickly even prayed for the child’s safety so that the widow would not have a strange mind again.

“Why do you do this to me?”

After I finished praying, the widow asked me like she couldn’t understand.

Why…

In fact, there was no rational reason.

Judging by the aura of suicidal thoughts? This widow was not the first to wear such an aura.

Because I felt guilty about my dead husband? As I said before, I still don’t think that the reason he died was my fault.

Wanting to save the child in her belly? In the first place, she didn’t even know she was pregnant until she got close to the widow.

There was no clear reason whatsoever.

So, the answer to that is…

“Just.”

There is no better word to describe my current feelings than that.

It wasn’t logical or cool at all.

However, as if that was enough for the widow, she bowed her head to me once again with a light smile.

“Thank you very much. Just as the Holy Son prayed for my child, I will also pray for the Holy Son. When the child is born, I will tell the story about the Holy Son to the child. Someday, I will pray for the Holy Son with my child. .”

I don’t want that, so I just wish I didn’t die.

The widow, who finished her thanks, went out of the building completely this time.

I stood there, staring blankly at the widow as she walked away.

“Ronan-sama…at least you saved him and the child. Don’t be too heartbroken.”

“I’m not saying saints don’t feel responsible. But there are things you can’t help.”

As if they were worried about my appearance, Celia and the princess said so.

It makes sense. I’m not the kind of person with a flower garden on my head who thinks I can save the world.

In front of my eyes, within my reach, I have no desire to save unless it is the person I want to save.

It’s just that this time in front of my eyes, within my reach, there was someone I wanted to save.

I stood there for a while, feeling the body temperature of Celia holding my hand and the princess putting her hand on my shoulder.

Suddenly, he remembered that Celia was also the daughter of a ruined noble family and had a sufficiently heartfelt story, and that the princess also had unspeakable circumstances related to the imperial family.

I debated several times whether or not to ask about the story, but finally swallowed the question.

Just hearing about someone else’s tragedy that I had no idea about just now makes me feel so strange.

It was the reason I didn’t want to stick my head into other people’s stories.

Most of the hidden stories are like that. It’s annoying, difficult, and painful. There’s nothing much to gain from finding out.

If I hadn’t met the widow right now, I would have been able to go back in a happy mood.

I sighed and raised the corners of my mouth.

“I’ve caused you concern. I’m fine.”

It was true. Anyway, I prevented the widow from committing suicide, just as I wanted.

“Go back and rest.”

The princess only looked at me with pity.

It doesn’t seem to have been conveyed properly at all.

This time, as I moved to the carriage, I saw a large number of people still gathering around the church, sharing food and making a fuss.

After eating, drinking, and making a fuss all night, most people will go back to their normal lives. This is the purpose of the memorial service.

Then, I will also go back to my daily life from tomorrow. Today, I, who is in a state of needlessly filled with emotions, sometimes sheds tears, leaving me with a dark history sensibility.

It is fortunate that there is no SNS in this world.

After getting on the carriage back to the academy, I looked out the window for the widow’s image.

Of course I didn’t see it.

So the memorial service was over.