The Miserable World

Chapter 90 Part One (89)
The mother dies；the child becomes what it can；that is what will take place，if I denounce myself.If I do not denounce myself？come，let us see how it will be if I do not denounce myself.'
After putting this question to himself，he paused；he seemed to undergo a momentary hesitation and trepidation；but it did not last long，and he answered himself calmly：——

'Well，this man is going to the galleys；it is true，but what the deuce！he has stolen！

There is no use in my saying that he has not been guilty of theft，for he has！

I remain here；I go on：in ten years I shall have made ten millions；I scatter them over the country；I have nothing of my own；what is that to me？It is not for myself that I am doing it；the prosperity of all goes on augmenting；industries are aroused and animated；factories and shops are multiplied；families，a hundred families，a thousand families，are happy；the district becomes populated；villages spring up where there were only farms before；farms rise where there was nothing；wretchedness disappears，and with wretchedness debauchery，prostitution，theft，murder；all vices disappear，all crimes：

and this poor mother rears her child；and behold a whole country rich and honest！

Ah!

I was a fool！I was absurd！what was that I was saying about denouncing myself？I really must pay attention and not be precipitate about anything.What！because it would have pleased me to play the grand and generous；this is melodrama，after all；because I should have thought of no one but myself，the idea！for the sake of saving from a punishment，a trifle exaggerated，perhaps，but just at bottom，no one knows whom，a thief，a good-for-nothing，evidently，a whole country-side must perish！a poor woman must die in the hospital！a poor little girl must die in the street！like dogs；ah，this is abominable！And without the mother even having seen her child once more，almost without the child's having known her mother；and all that for the sake of an old wretch of an apple-thief who，most assuredly，has deserved the galleys for something else，if not for that；fine scruples，indeed，which save a guilty man and sacrifice the innocent，which save an old vagabond who has only a few years to live at most，and who will not be more unhappy in the galleys than in his hovel，and which sacrifice a whole population，mothers，wives，children.This poor little Cosette who has no one in the world but me，and who is，no doubt，blue with cold at this moment in the den of those Thenardiers；those peoples are rascals；and I was going to neglect my duty towards all these poor creatures；and I was going off to denounce myself；and I was about to commit that unspeakable folly！Let us put it at the worst：

suppose that there is a wrong action on my part in this，and that my conscience will reproach me for it some day，to accept，for the good of others，these reproaches which weigh only on myself；this evil action which compromises my soul alone；in that lies self-sacrifice；in that alone there is virtue.'
He rose and resumed his march；this time，he seemed to be content.
Diamonds are found only in the dark places of the earth；truths are found only in the depths of thought.
It seemed to him，that，after having descended into these depths，after having long groped among the darkest of these shadows，he had at last found one of these diamonds，one of these truths，and that he now held it in his hand，and he was dazzled as he gazed upon it.
'Yes，'he thought，'this is right；I am on the right road；I have the solution；I must end by holding fast to something；my resolve is taken；let things take their course；let us no longer vacillate；let us no longer hang back；this is for the interest of all，not for my own；I am Madeleine，and Madeleine I remain.
Woe to the man who is Jean Valjean！

I am no longer he；I do not know that man；I no longer know anything；it turns out that some one is Jean Valjean at the present moment；let him look out for himself；that does not concern me；it is a fatal name which was floating abroad in the night；if it halts and descends on a head，so much the worse for that head.'
He looked into the little mirror which hung above his chimney-piece，and said：——

'Hold！it has relieved me to come to a decision；I am quite another man now.'
He proceeded a few paces further，then he stopped short.
'Come！'he said，'I must not flinch before any of the consequences of the resolution which I have once adopted；there are still threads which attach me to that Jean Valjean；they must be broken；in this very room there are objects which would betray me，dumb things which would bear witness against me；it is settled；all these things must disappear.'
He fumbled in his pocket，drew out his purse，opened it，and took out a small key；he inserted the key in a lock whose aperture could hardly be seen，so hidden was it in the most sombre tones of the design which covered the wall-paper；a secret receptacle opened，a sort of false cupboard constructed in the angle between the wall and the chimney-piece；in this hiding-place there were some rags——a blue linen blouse，an old pair of trousers，an old knapsack，and a huge thorn cudgel shod with iron at both ends.
Those who had seen Jean Valjean at the epoch when he passed through D——in October，1815，could easily have recognized all the pieces of this miserable outfit.
He had preserved them as he had preserved the silver candlesticks，in order to remind himself continually of his starting-point，but he had concealed all that came from the galleys，and he had allowed the candlesticks which came from the Bishop to be seen.
He cast a furtive glance towards the door，as though he feared that it would open in spite of the bolt which fastened it；then，with a quick and abrupt movement，he took the whole in his arms at once，without bestowing so much as a glance on the things which he had so religiously and so perilously preserved for so many years，and flung them all，rags，cudgel，knapsack，into the fire.
(End of this chapter)