Chapter 23 - A Doubt

“It’s not about me but about you, Rhema. Regardless of my life, are you okay if you don’t get anything in return?” Azriel disputed despite herself. 

Rhema’s still face was broken. An embarrassed look. It felt like he had no idea how to react. Since it did not feel creepy as before, Azriel plucked up her courage. “Why do you say that I’ll be miserable when I get close to you? Is it because you’re such a strong wizard?”

“…”

‘The distant time of a thousand years, the powerful magic that pauses time and manipulates memory, the being that neither ages nor dies,’ She could vaguely guess what becoming miserable meant when getting intertwined with him. The fact that he had closed her memory gave her chills just a moment ago. The more she thought about it, the scarier it got. Their time of life would be different, too. There was no way that a person who did not age or die could live a normal life with a normal person. Moreover, the suggestions he just made had a possibility to make them miserable in a different sense. ‘He will make any of my wishes come true if I wanted? That’s like a fairy tale. Those tales usually don’t have a happy ending, whether it’s greed or devil’s trick.’

His eyes lowered, Rhema was silent. Azriel was waiting for his reply but suddenly realized something. If she could become a wizard like him, all her questions would be meaningless. A wizard. The word had a charming echo to it. She had never imagined that she could become a wizard, both before and after becoming a slave. But there was no reason to reject it if she could become one, especially if she could become a great wizard like ‘the Wizard of the Horizon.’

‘Maybe I’ll be able to use magic right away once my lost memory comes back. I probably learned magic from Rhema during that time. That’s why I could read Lemm.’ The group of stars she saw for a moment by the well was still vivid. She fell in love as soon as she saw it. It was a mesmerizingly splendid and familiar scene as if it was originally her own. Rhema said it was mana. The source that enabled wizards to perform miracles was called magic. She wanted to make that scene her own. She wanted to become a wizard. Her heart pounded. Azriel spoke in a slightly excited tone. “Rhema, you said I can become a wizard like you. You taught me magic so that I could…”

“That’s not true.”

“What? You just said it’s possible.”

“I didn’t deny your potential. The reason why I taught you magic…” Rhema left his statement vague. There was a look of reluctance on his face, and soon, he became calm and continued. “Azriel, I hope you don’t learn magic as much as possible.”

“…Please explain your reason.”

“…”

“Rhema, you said you’d be happy if I learned magic. It doesn’t make sense, why are you…” 

“Azriel.” Rhema interrupted her. He softly picked her up and laid her on the bed, covering her with a blanket. Looking down at her blinking golden eyes, he quietly whispered. “If you become a wizard.” His gentle touch stroked her forehead. “I will have to kill you someday.”

“What?” She thought she heard it wrong. Bewildered, Azriel looked up at him. He closed his mouth and got up. “You will slowly start remembering things that you’ve forgotten. Wish you a sweet dream.” He called the spirit that was taking care of Maylie with his hand gesture and grabbed it. At the same time its appearance vanished like it was being erased, the light was turned off. ‘He’s going to… kill me if I become a wizard?’ ‘The one who said he would grant any wish, said he would kill me if I learned magic? Did I hear it right?’ She felt cold. Azriel curled up under the blanket. Things were mixed up in her head. Everything was doubtful. She tried recalling the conversation they just had. However, her exhausted body did not give her the leisure to think more. Not long after she was buried in the blanket, she fell asleep. When she was asleep, things she had forgotten in darkness began to unfold.

Act 2 – Recollection and Memory

***

“You filthy thing!”

It was what she commonly heard. The girl was thrown down on the cold stone floor. Her whole body that crashed into the hard stone hurt. With a splash, filth was poured on her head. It smelled awful.

“Beat it!”

The door was shut with a loud noise. The sweet scent of bread disappeared with it. Only the stink and coldness left. The girl staggeringly got up from the spot. Her red, scratched knees and elbows were bleeding. The sticky thing dripped from her head. She searched her head. She brought the thing that got in her grip to her eye level. It was a piece of half-rotten, moldy apple peel. She hurriedly took it to her mouth. It smelled terrible, yet she chewed and swallowed it. Something cold landed on her huddled shoulder. She looked up at the sky. From the grey sky, white snow was falling.

Suddenly she became terribly frightened. Snow was scary. It was freezing and it took away breaths. When it fell, death came without fail. Whenever she saw bodies frozen to death, she was relieved that she did not end up like them and at the same time, felt fear that she could end up like them at any time. Clenching the collar of her ragged clothes, she tried her best to wrap her body.