Hard Mode Idol

<Attacks are successful in hard mode!>

I, I finally break it!

This is pretty high level. How many days has it been? I did my job steadily while measuring the date with a blank mind. I edited the recorded files, added mechanical sounds, and uploaded the video. People began to comment soon after I posted the boss’s attack points and NuTube links on the bulletin board and refreshed them.

As expected, I have to play a popular game. Looking at the rising number of views, it seemed that this month’s profits could be resolved fairly. 

I’m so tired. I feel sleepy.

I haven’t eaten in days, but I’m not hungry because I haven’t slept. When I wake up, I will pick up something and eat it. I fell on the bed like I was falling down.

I was so tired that I fell asleep instantly, and when I woke up, I was in a small room with an unfamiliar bed that I had never seen before. It was an old semi-basement studio with no furniture to the point of being empty. 

“Where am I?” 

A word that was full of confusion came out of my mouth. At the same time, someone answered. I reflexively raised my head toward the source of the voice.

“Are you awake now?”

A neat young man was standing upright and looking down at me. Of course, the first greeting cut-off was rude, but it didn’t matter.

“I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I’m here, but I didn’t come here on my own—”

I looked at the man’s face.  There was no change in his expression, so I spoke hurriedly.

“I will leave quickly. I apologize.”

Not only did I enter someone else’s house, but I also laid down on the bed and fell asleep there. How ridiculous it must be for the person who owns the house. It was more important just to say sorry and leave than to call the police and be taken away. I had to express that I had no bad intentions on my side.

I’ll think about this absurd situation on my way home. Although, of course, I don’t think I’ll get an answer by thinking about it, but still. 

The house’s owner was silent. I can’t talk if he raises his fists, but he seems to be generous. It’s a relief that we’ve never met before. If I had met him before, I would have been beaten up. 

Let’s get out of here quickly.

I grabbed the handle, and something strange happened. For some reason, there wasn’t that familiar sensation of metal sticking to the skin for some reason. To be exact, my hand went through the handle like a ghost. 

“….?”

I guess it’s true that you can’t even scream if you’re too surprised. Only then did I realize that my hand had turned translucent. Not only my hands, but my entire body was translucent. Seeing things from the other side pass through my body was a disgustingly weird experience.

At the same time, I remembered the man I had talked to a while ago—a person who spoke to me normally. I turned my head, and the man was standing in an elegant position smiled at me.

“Shall we talk now?”

“…I, I don’t know what’s going on right now.”

I instinctively realized that this man was the key. Why did I wake up in an unfamiliar place? Why is my body like this? He was someone who could give me the answer.

Am I dead? To think about it, I just fell asleep after clearing a game. If not, am I dreaming? The senses are too real to be a dream, but it is impossible for the body to become transparent like this if it isn’t a dream.

“It’s a detour from the right answer.”

“What?” 

As I looked into the man’s eyes at the words without context, I realized the meaning of his words.

It was an unrealistic idea, but that man seemed to be able to read my thoughts. That’s why the saying, ‘Detour from the correct answer’ was born. So one of my guesses is that I’m close to the answer—.

If ‘dream’ is a detour, does that mean I’m dead? But if it’s not a dream, isn’t it an impossible event in this situation?

“It’s not even a dream.”

“Then am I dead?”

“That’s right.”

I see. I said that and squinted my eyes as he said something I didn’t understand. 

“How? I don’t think I’ve done anything worth dying for.”

Did the house catch fire while I was sleeping? Or did a robber come in and stab me with a knife?

But I rarely use gas. Most of the time, I used a microwave. And it doesn’t make sense for a robber to come in. First of all, I’m not leaving the house, so all the doors are locked.

In addition, my house was a common studio apartment. About the same size as this house. It’s not a place for robbers to drool.

“Overwork.”

While trying to figure out the reason why I died, the man told me right away. What do you mean when you say that a 27-year-old person who is still young and healthy died from overwork?

“Huh. Overwork? Me?”

There’s nothing I do except play games, right? As a Nutuber, I just worked hard to make money by playing games. But what do you mean by overworked? 

“This is what it looked like after you fell asleep.” 

Right away, a man came up to me. I instinctively took a step back, but the big hand landing on my head was faster. Then, before I could do anything, I saw a clear image in my head that looked like it had been distorted.

It was my room. And there’s me lying on the bed. Then, as if it had been fast-forwarded, the sunlight coming through the window quickly darkened, brightened, and then darkened again and again.

‘As time goes by, my body gradually—’

“Wow, I don’t want to see it anymore!”

I turned my head to remove his hand from my head. It was very unpleasant to see me rotting. I endured several times of nausea that came up, and this time my head throbbed, and I complained of pain.

“Oh, you said I was dead. Why do I feel sick?”

“The body is still alive.”

“But it’s transparent?”

“It’s just temporary.”

I don’t know. I just gave up understanding and decided to accept it. It’s already beyond the realm of understanding.

“Then, who are you?”

“My name is Deus. My rank is God. You can call me Deus or God as you like.”

“Are you really a God? Aren’t you the devil?”

A God named Deus raised the corners of his mouth.

“Where in the world is the devil?”

But I heard you’re a God? 

“It’s true that I’m a God, and there’s no devil. It’s only in your imagination.”

“Then is there no such thing as hell or something like heaven?”

“No. What do I do with souls? It’s just annoying. It’s better to reincarnate quickly. How many souls do I have to manage?” 

What should I say? If I believed in God, I would feel incredibly betrayed.

“Then why am I here? Am I reincarnating too?”

Is it a pre-reincarnation interview or something like that? What do I want to be in my next life? Something like this?

“No, you’re the last soul that’s worn out. Arrived at the end of the eternal cycle of birth.”

“I can’t believe I’m worn out… That’s too much.”

“No one loved you, and you couldn’t do anything. It would have been better to ignore it, but you were subjected to unknown rejection and attacks.”

“….”

I was heartbroken by the God who poked at other people’s painful memories. I didn’t want to spend my life struggling with money while running a NuTube channel in the corner of my room that didn’t make much money.

But people hated me. That is why I once dreamed of becoming an idol. Because they looked really dazzling like they were shining through someone’s love. To be loved, to give love back. Moreover, they have friends who are fond of each other. I was envious of such a relationship. I thought there would be at least one person who would accept me if I exposed myself to many people. 

Thinking about it now, it may have been a kind of madness. I pushed myself too far and made a stupid and irrational choice.

I got eliminated twice after being accepted as a trainee. I just barely made my debut as a male idol group at a new agency I joined for the third time, but I spent a short time in my dreams. 

The group was disbanded after 3 years, and I had to suffer from the members’ abusive language saying that I was the reason they were ruined. 

The only people in a small fandom who showed interest in me were the other members’ vicious individual fans and antis. 

There were times when I received a pretty fan letter by chance, but the only thing written in it was a voice that hated me. Sometimes pictures of dead animals and cursed dolls came, too. The small company even delivered it to me without censorship. After some time had passed, I wondered if they did that on purpose.

I failed, and I couldn’t lead a normal life, so I started the game NuTube channel to make a living. The money I made wasn’t much, but I enjoyed playing the game. A world where I can be rewarded for my efforts, an NPC who doesn’t hate me for no reason. That alone was satisfying. I didn’t know the ending would be overworked. 

Come to think of it, it was unclear when I fell asleep or ate it recently. It was a miserable life without achieving anything. Of course, it’s a shame that it had to end this way, but what else can I do when he says that I died? I’ve seen my body become like that.

Those who will find my body will have my deepest condolences. They might not find it until it’s white bone, but it still stinks, so won’t the neighbor’s house notice? 

God intervened as unhelpful thoughts rushed out.

“All souls who can no longer enter the reincarnation are in a situation similar to yours.”

“Why? Why do they hate me?”

It was the most curious question in my life, and it was a question that no one answered.

“Because it is a soul that will perish. No wonder living things fear extinction. Humans are also animals, so they have an instinct. They bark because they are scared. The end of other souls is also the same, so it should be considered fair. It is only after you enjoy all that your soul can enjoy.” 

It was just that I was born that way. It’s just that the turn has returned. Deus shrugged his shoulders. Then he said in a stern tone. 

“Okay, that’s enough of the explanation. Shall we talk about my business now?”

“Ah, yes.”

Honestly, I don’t care. The reason my life was lonely was because it was empty. I didn’t do anything wrong. So even if it’s fair and I enjoy it, it’s not mine because I don’t remember it, right? Well, I don’t care if he’s the real God or not.