Long Past Dawn

God must hate me at this point, is there anything else you can do to f*ck up my life at this point? I push myself up into a sitting position, only flinching once when I put force on my left shoulder. "I'll see her."

Superman nods before he leaves the room, Wonderwoman sighs as the door beeps closed behind him. I have one more question though. "How long was I out for?"

"Three days," Batman says, not looking at me.

Three days? That's plus the four days I was here for until they kidnapped me so that makes a week, not to mention those uncounted days I was at Cadmus... That makes over one week. Wait, so I've missed over one week of school? F*ck!! Ok, not the main focus... For right now let's see how long I was at Cadmus for. "How long was I... there for..."

For a second no one speaks but then Stephen says, "Four days, Jikan was there for two..."

Oh. So I guess that makes eleven days since... since things where normal...

So that means it's Friday the 4th of October... I don't ask any more questions and we just sit in silence until we hear the door open with a beep. In comes Superman, Black Canary and... Jikan.

I'm surprised, I expected Jikan to be looking hurt or something, maybe even needing support to walk, but she looks... lively, like she was never at Cadmus with me or that she should be dead right now.

I feel tears pull at the corner of my eyes, this will probably be the last time I ever see Jikan. I swallow the lump in my throat. I'm not going to cry.

Jikan looks over at me in the bed, I wonder if she sees what I saw that night when she was hooked up to all those machines- something weak and breakable.

I smile and open my arms, she runs over and hugs me until I can't breathe and it hurts to move, but I don't care. I run my fingers through her soft black hair as she buries herself deeper into me. "It's ok now."

I'm not sure who I'm talking to anymore, who I'm reassuring. Myself or Jikan? It doesn't matter who I'm saying it for though, we both need to hear it.

She buries herself deeper still into me, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"What do you have to apologize for?" I say with a slight laugh. Jikan looks up at me and the look in her eyes is unreadable.

She leans in, closer so that she can whisper in my ear without anyone else hearing, "That Dawn has to keep me alive..."

What? I'm keeping her alive? Does she know about the organ failure? She must see the confusion in my face because she then says, "Dawn can keep me alive even though my time to go is here. But I'll have to go when Dawn falls asleep, even Dawn can't stop my end. But it's ok because I met you Dawn."

Oh god, she's at least six and she's ready for death without even shedding a tear? And me keeping her alive? My heart is breaking and tears spring to my eyes, if she dies when I fall asleep then I'll never sleep again.

I hug Jikan to me and bite the inside of my cheek to stop from crying, I got through Cadmus with her, I'm not ready for her to leave me yet. Please Jikan, don't leave me.

Jikan pulls out of the hug and looks me dead in the face, she reaches up a hand and pushes back a strand of my loose hair, "You'll be ok without me, I promise Dawn."

I feel a tear slip down my cheek, why am I acting like such a kid when Jikan's going to die? Jikan smiles and I try to burn it into my memory, this will be the last time I ever see her smile.

More and more tears fall down my face, after a moment Jikan covers my eyes with her hand and makes me lay down on the bed. A few seconds later my eyes start to feel heavy and I slowly close them.

What I know will remember for the rest of my life is that she was smiling. The last thing I hear before sleep takes over me is Jikan's voice, "Goodbye Dawn."

***

I blink open my eyes, I feel like I had a nice dream that I can't quite remember but I also have a feeling that I won't ever be able to forget it either.

I look next to me and see Jikan's still body laying on the bed next to me, a strand of hair covers her angelic face and I almost think she's asleep before I remember.

No one else is in the room, I don't know when they left but I'm alone in the room. I sit up and curl into a ball, all the sadness, fear, confusion, grief and everything else wash over me and I cry into myself.

I cry until the sheets are wet with my tears, until my eyes sting, until my throat burns, until I can't see, until I can't think, until there aren't any tears left, until the pain goes away. But the pain never does.

"I won't ever again get attached to somebody I could lose," I say, my voice raw from crying.

"Trust me, that's a very hard thing to do." I shoot my head up, Batman stands in the doorway and I'm not sure I want to know how long he's been there for.

"How long have you been there for?" I ask, wiping away what's left of my tears. I'm not going to cry in front of people anymore.

"Longer than you would like," Batman says as he walks into the room and picks up the folding chair that Stephen knocked over. "It wasn't your fault you know."

I'm not nesicarily sure what he's talking about, too much sh*t has gone down for me to be sure of anything anymore. I wonder if he's talking about the fact Jikan's dead, the past few years of my life have been a complete lie or if he's talking about being kidnapped and tested on like a lab rat. "Then who's the fault is it?"

Batman pauses for a second before he replies, "A screwed up world's."