Re:Menma A Multiverse Harem Story

It's been a little over a week since Karin was born; safe to say that everyone was absolutely taken with and fawning over her. As soon as Mina was well enough, she requested to cremate her husband. We all consoled her as she apologized to him after she broke down while lighting his pyre. I'm fairly new to the whole feelings thing, so I copied others in hopes of making even the smallest difference.

She still grieved for some time after the funeral, but with help, she was able to start moving on little by little. I didn't need to worry much with everyone lending a hand, shoulder, or words. I received my permit soon after, so I trained, worked, and studied while leaving some time to interact with the others.

The jobs were basic like babysitting, shopping for old folk and disabled people, and other simple tasks. The pay wasn't impressive, but with enough jobs, we can splurge a bit. As for training, I had clones reading energy type scrolls or performing energy skills; the physical ones aren't important until after Naruto's birth.

The training was fairly easy since each of the v2 clones can each create a bunch of regular shadow clones. I also learned what I could about "Heal Bite" and "Adamantine Chains" from Mina and Kushina. I made good progress with the chains, but almost nothing with heal bite; not like I could use it on villagers without drawing attention. I then began trying it on the dummy which surprisingly worked; it's not too efficient, but it is effective. I still need a lot of practice though.

I did manage to learn how to walk and run on walls. Though I still need to lower the amount of chakra use when I do so. Water walking is a bit more complicated since the ocean waves make it impossible to even get a good foothold for practice. I don't really need it anytime soon anyway, if I need to I'll just swim; I have about a decade of relative peace, so I guess that's on the back burner.

I'm at the point where I can use almost every one of my skills to the novice level and freely control how many v2 clones I can summon. On a side note, I learned about the limitations of the v2 clones. No spam summon since it has an absolute limit of 5 for safety reasons, and no way to cheat it. It's probably better this way. Even though Sys assured me that the clones can't betray me, I don't want to risk a clone coup d'etat, so no more clone upgrades.

For most other techniques, I noticed that the most important parts to consider between nearly all my energy skills are the image and intent of the technique as I cast it and the way the energy is molded before the casting is complete.

All of my energy types are linked, so I can substitute one for the other with a tiny penalty if I need to. In simple terms, say a Rasengan costs 100 points of chakra, the penalty if I used magika instead, would bring it up to 110 or so if I'm proficient at it.

It's not bad, but it's still better to stick with the original type to avoid wasting energy if I could. At least I could use the steal spell even if I didn't get the Konosuba world's energy, whatever that is.

My current energy types are Chakra from this world, Haki from One Piece, and Magika from the Elder Scrolls, so I already have my hands full trying to increase my reserves for each one and getting used to their differences. I thought Haki would be linked to stamina or something; I like it better this way though.

For now, I can coat my finger in Armament Haki and sense beings within a 2 or 3-foot dome around me with Observation Haki. I need to focus hard to keep for it up for extended amounts of time; as soon as I'm distracted, it fails. Conquerors Haki needs time to develop and manifest... according to my own assumptions at least.

As for Magika, I have clones weaving it in various ways. The main reason being that a twitch of the finger or flick of the wrist can cause it to literally blow up in my face if I do it wrong. I did learn to at least create a small flame on my finger with it. It might not be worthy enough to be listed in my skills, but I'm proud of my finger lighter. Add this to 1000 years of death and you have a sure-kill move.

Aside from that, Minato and I started doing random things to get back at each other. He started it when he tortured me with that genjutsu, so I wasn't just gonna let him off. It started small with things like a Chinese finger trap, itching powder, a whoopee cushion/stink bomb combo. After a while, everything started getting out of hand and expensive.

Some of the more outrageous schemes took a while to set up, but they were worth it. There were three events that stick out the most, partly because of the grand payoff. It all became much more intricate after the Simpson haired bastard chose to get back at me for convincing Kushina that he lies about how great a cook she is.

Stage one... He agreed to enroll Me, Himawari, and Kaede into the Academy for next year's semester after we asked, but he specifically placed me in the remedial class. In response to this, I used shadow clones to create a diversion while I myself etched a blocky d.i.c.k on the forehead of his sculpture with my physics-defying diamond pickaxe. It wasn't perfect, but a Minecraft style pecker was enough.

Stage two... When he caught me a day later, he used some weird jutsu to stick me onto the entrance of the police headquarters and hung a sign that said criminal around my neck. I spent the whole time cursing him out and towards the end, singing various revenge type songs while plotting my next move.

"~So sleep soundly in your bed tonight, for vengeance falls upon you at first light!!!~" I would have continued, but some random, shit-eating, Uchiha f.u.c.k, smacked a silencing seal over my mouth. All of them walk around like their shit don't stink, giving everyone dirty looks; I took comfort in knowing that he and the rest will all die in the next couple of years...

The very next day, I stole one of Minato's extra Hiraishin kunai and activated it within the women's bath. He was beaten, cursed out, and almost became a eunuch. All of which didn't even phase him, which is acceptable considering Jiraiya being his sensei. Rumors spread like wildfire between the village women and caused the usual complaints filed to his office to multiply manyfold.

Final Stage... He was pissed about that last one, so two days later, he caught me walking around the shopping district and literally kicked my a.s.s up and down the street. I couldn't even land a hit throughout the half-hour a.s.s kicking. After it was over, he threatened me that there would be a worse beating if I did something else...

So I used Sys to take and print pictures of countless women changing in the locker rooms over the span of four days. I then stole all of their u.n.d.e.r.w.e.a.r, stuck the pictures to the matching u.n.d.e.r.w.e.a.r, tossed in the Secretary's upskirt shot for good measure, and when it was ready, I showed Kushina the treasure box I "found" in their room.

At first, I thought that it didn't work since she was calmly going through every picture and garment. But, once she ordered Kakashi to "bring Minato here" and started taking frying pan practice swings, I knew shit was about to go down, so I got Sys to start recording.

Minato flashed right over and glared at me knowing I set something off. He was about to smack me but without warning got beaten relentlessly by Kushina instead.

She just wailed on him for a good five minutes, took a short break, and continued for another ten. As she savagely beat him, she started sarcastically yelling things like, "You sc.u.mmy piece of shit! Am I not good enough now that I'm pregnant with your child."...

That was just until the rest of the kids went outside to give them space. Maria and Mina went into the next room with the babies as I hid behind the couch grinning. Once the coast was completely clear, she just started ripping him apart with insults and beatings.

"You wouldn't even be able to satisfy them with your limp d.i.c.k", "I never came", "Find someone else to wash your shit-stained drawers", and "Mikoto was right"... Not sure how much of that was true, but it's all gold material and I have it recorded.

She ended her lesson for the day and just left him shivering on the floor apologizing. I go up to him to take a few closeups before going into the nursery room to speak with Mina for a bit. Seeing her gave me two ideas, something like an insurance policy.

I thought up a couple ideas, but only two were worth doing. The first idea was to register select girls as unofficial lovers, kind of like Mina. I personally don't like the term, but if it's to save a life, who gives a shit?

The biggest catch of the hack is that I myself have to kiss the girl on the lips for it to come into effect... I can't exactly do what I did with Mina; going around s.u.c.k.i.n.g on random girls' c.h.e.s.ts... Nor did I want to...

With a slight chill running up and down my back, I began putting my loverboy scheme into motion. I gave the Karin, Ajisai, and Fuu a quick peck and left while coming up with a gameplan to steal the other girls' first kiss... I'm not a pervert, well not in that way; I just think that whatever natural plot armor they may have can only do so much.

I already changed the course of the future by existing, my requests from the gods, and interactions with people, not to mention stealing babies and bringing Mina and Karin to Konoha. Who's to say that I didn't set things in motion for any of them to die here? I might have started a ripple that'll cause the death of someone like Rock Lee or Konohamaru.

F.u.c.k it, the what-ifs are endless, I'll deal with random shit if they come... At least this way, if the girls die, they end up on Eos rather than whatever afterlife shit they have here. Once I get enough money, I'll be able the revive them back into the world...

After saving the babies with a kiss, I played with Hima, Kaede, and Taiga in the yard just outside. Taiga is technically the oldest among us so she was kind of our guardian for the moment. We played hopscotch, tag, and ninjas. In the end, Hima dragged us back inside to draw. At night, I went right back to Tsume's house.

Things continued as they had for a while. Kiba was born July 7th which meant that I now had to share a n.i.p.p.l.e with this brat. On top of that, I was no longer allowed to sleep with Tsume and instead forced to sleep with my "wife" Hana.

We had a few mishaps since I'm a clinger and tend to strip myself b.a.r.e while sleeping, but eventually, it became our new normal... Even if I want to, I can't change something that I've done virtually my whole life.

I did try to sneak back into Tsume's bed again once, but after getting launched across the room and viciously growled at, I accepted my new sleeping arrangement. Everyone warned me repeatedly that Inuzukas get territorial after giving birth but I wasn't expecting that.

More time passed, and soon, my new Uzumaki clan's main and side houses were mostly built and nearly every notable kid of Naruto's class was born. The utilities still weren't ready, so we stayed as we were. I spent a lot of time talking to and building bonds with various people, mostly women, and stealing kisses from the ones I want to keep alive.

All that "s.e.x.u.a.l assault" got me into quite a bit of trouble and made the village label me an S Rank danger to all females. Ino was one of my first victims before I got a reputation; I thought it would be tough, but I had no idea how dangerous a target she would be.

I had caught sight of her family as they shopped around; time was running out so I risked it and went in. I appeared before them as a curious toddler fascinated by the baby. I asked about her name to make sure it was her, and random small talk. Before they left, I convinced the mom to lower her so I can have a good look, that's when I did it... F.u.c.k, this is so weird, but at least she'll live right?

Her dad, Inoichi, saw me kiss his daughter and immediately caused the temperature around me to drop to below freezing. His wife had to hold him back as he tried to rush me after my claim. He began promising that he wouldn't kill me, he'll just put me in a coma for a few years.

I ran away in Swiftmode and hid. If he'd actually chased me, I would have sprouted my wings and flew away. All this over a quick peck...

The most dangerous so far was Ayame. She was one of the last targets since I already had a run-in with her dad. I made sure to keep my original promise and bought her a pair of dresses in yellow, her favorite color, from one of the fancier shops in the village. I also added two pairs of shoes to match the outfit; I didn't buy her u.n.d.e.r.w.e.a.r though... that'd be way too weird.

A casual one-piece dress; similar to what the Powerpuff girls wear, and a pleated skirt dress with embroidery for more important events. It was pretty expensive, big not as much as the BS brand names on earth. Her beaming smile and sparkly-eyed reaction when she saw them could melt even the coldest hearts.

I knew Teuchi was watching us the whole time, rumors had already spread about a boy going around kissing girls of various ages... Plus the old fart just didn't trust me. He acted as if he was busy cooking, but he rarely took his eyes off us. I couldn't take her somewhere else at the moment, so I decided to just go with it.

I asked her, "Do you remember how I told you that this was supposed to be an engagement present?"

She turned back to me from the dresses and nodded. I continued in a whispered tone, "If you agree to be my wife, I'll buy you more pretty things"...

...Don't call the cops, I'm 3... Really I am...

She looked at the dresses then back to me, taking no longer than a second before whispering back in response, "Okay, but you gotta pinky promise first."

We linked pinkies and pressed our thumbs together. "Sealed with a kiss" we chanted, which urged Teuchi to snap his head in our direction.

I waited until the old man turned back around before leaning in. He tried to fake me out but turned back just in time to see me plant a quick kiss on his little girl and runoff while yelling, "Now we're husband and wife!" and laughing in victory as he chased me the rest of the day...

The pissed-off Akimichi were the main danger though; most of them go for barbecue and such, but there are still some die-hard Ichiraku fans... They threw kunai and shuriken at me on sight for a little over a week. I had to use shadow clones to scout the streets for me during that time...

I kept doing the same to a few other females, regardless of age. I targeted pretty much any female that I had a good impression of from the series... and Sakura. Anko was already wary against me, but distract her with Dango and her guard drops for a moment, which is all I need. Hana is my wife, I guess, so she was one of the first I crossed off after I kissed the babies. The others were just an issue of finding them and doing the deed.

Within a few days, Teuchi had started writing tons of complaints and rallying other fathers, who were either pissed or worried about their daughters interacting with me, to do the same. Minato confronted me about it a few times once his paperwork increased by an extreme amount. Apparently, there was an anonymous petition started to kick me out of the village...

I promised him I would stop going after young girls as long as he is the Hokage if he agreed to make me a copy of his Hiraishin scroll. He didn't want to but I played the junior disciple and senior disciple card, saying that he hasn't given me a gift. It's not like he agreed instantly, I spent a ton of time convincing him and I told him I'll tell him the reason I caused such a ruckus and some other stuff.

Later that same day, he had Teuchi brought in to assure him that "Konoha's Red Devil" will stop his 'assault' on village girls. Teuchi was the only known member of that group, so he's Minato's only choice to stop the petitions.

There was nothing more Teuchi could do besides agree to tell the others; he swore to himself to continue sending complaints on his own if he had to.

I spent the rest of the day in Hana's room c.a.r.e.s.sing and trying to read the Hiraishin scroll, but this shit looked like nonsensical hieroglyphs. Minato's side notes we're just as bad, not the writing itself, but the explanations being crap like "do it like this *insert stick figure* and then you'll feel your stomach going whoosh then pyuu!"... Sys confirmed it to be the real deal, so I just stored it for a later time and brought out the scroll Jiraiya had given me.

Inside was what he had promised me and more. I had checked it before, but never too deeply. There were a ton of manuscripts, scrapped projects, and first editions, but what made me get up and dance were three scrolls that were mixed into the pile of random crap.

A scroll on basic medical ninjutsu, which teaches basic diagnostic procedures and techniques like chakra scalpel and pain relief. The other two were scrolls on seals, basic and intermediate levels which I later found out we're expensive as hell. Even the basic one looked like chicken scratch, so I knew I wasn't gonna be a master anytime soon. I gave up and went to sleep at the Inuzukas again.

When I woke up the next day, I felt an irresistible craving for a ramen breakfast. Being bold, I went to Ichiraku's as soon as it opened and ordered some chashu pork belly ramen with extra meat and veggies... I know I talked shit before, but this stuff grows on you; I still want more variety like burgers, Mexican and Chinese though.

All Teuchi said was, "coming right up" and kept cooking without facing me directly. I kept an eye on him to make sure he didn't spit in my food or toss in a booger or whatever. He finished making my bowl and slammed it down in front of me with a *Bam*.

I should have expected something was wrong, but I didn't spare it a thought with all the stuff I was planning. He gave me a special deluxe plate as a bonus, with meat stacked, forming a leaning tower of pork belly. Digging in, I took in the delicious broth, springy noodles, and perfectly seasoned meat...

Sys interrupted it by letting me know that the poison production in my wings was getting stronger... Thanks to the Ramen that old man Teuchi made especially for me, my poison has the added options for effects such as strong laxative, projectile vomit, explosive flatulence, itching, and mild paralytic...

This son of a bitch wanted me to vomit and shart myself while having an itch that I can't scratch due to being paralyzed...

I continued eating until only a few noodles, one piece of meat and a bit of broth were left. I looked up innocently with a wide grin on my face and pat my belly while saying, "That was the best bowl of ramen you have her made me! And you gave me extra meat? You finally accept me as your son in law, I'm glad! Oh yeah, where's Ayame? I want to let her taste this too."

He was stunned and looked like he was about to say something; I didn't give him the chance and yelled out, "Ayame-chan! Come out for a bit!"

I was half expecting her to be at the Academy or asleep. As I was about to finish off the bowl, I heard the sound of small flip flops hitting the wooden floorboards at a fast pace. She soon appeared from behind the curtained doorway, visibly excited due to being one of her only friends. I did introduce her to Hana, Kaede, and Himawari, but I was still her number one.

"Ayame, your dad gave me the more delicious ramen ever! Here, try it." I said as I pretend to hand her the bowl. 'Come on old man, dig your grave...' I hoped internally.

Ayame didn't even question me and reached out her hands. Teuchi, as expected, couldn't take it anymore and snatched it before anyone could react. I thought he would throw it out or something, but he hoovered it all up in the next moment.

I just stood there, imagining Shang Tsung yelling out, "IT HAS BEGUN!"

Ayame got angry and began beating on her dad's leg. Tears welled up in her eyes and she started wailing, "Big, dumb, stupid, spaghetti jerk! That was my ramen! Menma was giving it to me, not you! I HATE YOU!!!". She ran back to her room after that outburst.

I stood there looking at the old man, not sure if the face he made was from his daughter's declaration, or from the fast-acting effects of the ramen. It's probably both, he slowly turned to me with a face of utter misery and struggle.

Giving another wide smile I tell him, "I wasn't actually gonna give her the leftovers, I knew you put poison or something in it. I'm kinda immune, in case you were wondering; hell, if anything, you made me stronger. So yeah, thanks... See ya!"

His face grew a different shade of color over the course of my revelation; mostly due to the effects of whatever he put in the ramen. I then turned and headed out to make things worse.

Stopping by at a neighboring shop just across, I tell the owner lady that Teuchi might need help getting to the hospital... You see, Teuchi has a bit of a crush, I noticed the way he looked at her every time she swept the entrance or came in for a meal... Hehehe

She went inside, grabbed her bag, and locked up the shop. Not sure if she likes him too, but she ran into his restaurant like she did. I was right behind her the entire time. From the very moment, she ran inside and found Teuchi on the ground, to the point where he looked up, saw her, went pale, and eventually crapped his pants. I recorded everything...

Judging by the look he gave me, I'm sure my devilish grin caused him to hallucinate horns on my head and hellfire blazing around me.

This older woman didn't mind any of that. She may be a shorter, slightly plump older lady, but she is apparently strong enough to princess carry him onto a wheelbarrow she asked me to fetch from the back room. She saw the dread in his eyes and began soothing him with a calming tone and encouraging words... From the looks they were sharing, I might have inadvertently cemented a pair's unspoken love for one another...

I left, not sure what the hell just happened... All I knew was that I did something... and didn't want to think about it anymore...

Clearing my mind, I walk to Minato's office. I greet some people along the way; most of the village know or have heard of me by now. I piece together what I want to say and how much I should reveal. I had no idea what part of Konoha the Kyuubi would destroy, and there is now a part of me that worries about the villagers I knew might not make it.

I also had no idea what kind of butterfly effect I'll have on that day. Whether or not some minor yet memorable people might die like Ebisu, the pair of gate guards, or even Teuchi. There are way too many what-ifs, this type of shit almost makes me regret coming here before Naruto is born...

Strolling passed the secretary who doesn't even try to stop me anymore, I enter the office and see Minato slaving away behind messy piles of papers.

"You busy?" I ask.

"That depends on what you want... But I know you won't leave, so will this take long?" He asks while reading through more doc.u.ments.

I shrug, "Maybe... I'm here to fulfill my half of the deal. Just make some clones, have them do the work. We gotta talk."

As I speak, he looks me in the eyes to see if I'm trolling him or being honest. Seeing that he is wary, I give him the agreed-upon truce signal, I put my thumb to the tip of my nose and pull up like a piggy... Nodding, he summons a few clones and says, "Let's go" before walking up to me and reaching his hand out.

I look at it in disgust...Though I've made little progress, I can, at the very least, make physical contact with another male if can I see the exact point of contact, otherwise, it's Usir all over again... But just because I can, doesn't mean I have to like it though...

I reach out too, as soon as our hands made contact he flashed us to one of his marks. As disorienting as running in swift mode is, Hiraishin, AKA Flying Thunder God, is a lot worse. Further messing up my stance was the fact that the ground was uneven as her we're standing on his stone head.

I keep hand contact with Minato and take a quick look around before saying, "Alright... You better not attack me..."

"Wha--" Minato got cut off as I shifted us to Eos.

With the sudden shift, the sound of my clones working hard rang out from every direction. Whether they are fine-tuning their chakra flow, and Haki strength, or testing to see if calling out techniques really makes it stronger, they are doing it all.

Near my house are a group of four clones doing endurance training by walking on the pillars made of the blocks I broke off the Kage mountain and stacked here. Due to Minecraft logic, these blocks perfectly connected to each other and the ground as if it were naturally formed rock formations.

Minato was awestruck and trying to cancel the genjutsu he thought I put him in as he took in all the sights. Shifting here is much more comfortable than his Hiraishin so it's no surprise he didn't believe it... F.u.c.k.i.n.g Naruto pun...

"Welcome to Eos, my own personal world. I won't explain how or why since it doesn't matter. The only reason I brought you here is that some of my revelations would be way too troublesome if overheard... So where should we start?" I ask the dumbstruck Kage.

Showing experience in taking control of himself, he shuts his mouth and thinks for a moment before replying, "I'm not even sure what to ask right now. For now, how about you tell me how you made it to Konoha from the borders of Taki in such a short time?"

I look at him with a confused look on my face, "Really? Of all the things you could have asked you chose this? Whatever, it's easier to just show you." I respond as I navigate my inventory to summon my kart.

The kart appeared without warning, causing Minato to go into a battle stance. Ignoring him, I walk towards the driver's seat and hop in. I turn to him, "Get in... You're not a girl, so don't even think of asking me to open the door for you, figure it out."

Warily approaching the Kart, Minato eventually gets in after giving it a quick once-over. I instruct him on how to put on his seatbelt as I put my own on. Once that was done, I switched off the radio, floored the pedal and we were off towards the dead zone.

On the ride, I decided to give him the half-truth reason for me acting how I do by saying the gods literally gave me too much random and incomplete knowledge.

I then began to explain some things, "There is a bunch of crap that I can't tell you, so I'll just highlight some of the main points that I can. You are going to die soon, within the year, Kushina would too if I hadn't intervened. I can't explain the circ.u.mstances surrounding your death, but I can say the reason I know is that I am something like a prophet.

Knowing that the future can change, I stole kisses to protect those girls since I don't know if they will be put in harm's way due to some ripple effect from my actions... My reason for picking them is that I know what they'll look like in the future and I would be committing a crime against my future self if these beauties died."

Minato sits there quietly, taking in all the information as I continued, "I will do everything I can to keep you alive, but if I have to choose between you and Kushina, she wins. I took precautions to keep her alive, but the last bit of insurance I have is if her marriage to you is broken. I doubt that she would divorce you willingly, and it's too risky to break her heart with her being pregnant; the only option left is for you to die...

I'm not strong enough to stop what's about to happen, and even though I want to warn you, I can't... We wouldn't even have enough time to come up with a countermeasure for it if I did... So even though it feels heartless to say, you should get your affairs in order; there are always people higher up that would tale advantage of something like your death to gain more power. I'm sure you can figure out what I mean."

Minato looked as if his world was crumbling. He didn't believe what I was saying, but with my sincere face and tone, reality slowly crept in. I kept driving towards my target as he silently came to terms with my tales of the future. I could sense his doubt, hell, I get it; I'm a toddler speaking like an old fortune-telling scam artist.

A couple of minutes later he looks up at the sky, a solemn smile slowly appearing as his eyes moisten. "God I hope you're wrong, I haven't done much as Hokage, as a husband, and a father. I have so much I still want to do... Why the hell would you tell me this?!?"

"Because I need your help, I have a lot of secrets, and I'm gonna need help to hide them from people like cyclops. And I figured you should get to make use of the time you have left and spend it with Kushina. I can't just let you push papers in ignorance and wait for you to die, it feels wrong. I don't like you, but I respect you... kinda... But mostly, I don't want her to hate me when she finds out..." I tell him, keeping my eyes on the road.

Minato goes silent for a moment and muttered a barely audible "Thank you."

Dreading the silence I felt coming on, I decided to keep the chat going, "There are a few things I hope you can help me with asap. First, due to bloodline reasons, I feel a strong need to consume certain people's blood. I've been able to suppress it for now, but it gets stronger every day. What happened during our first meeting was a product of that urge.

I need your help to get access to blood packs from the hospital so that I don't end up attacking someone on the street. It's just, I'm not sure how much I'll need to drink."

Minato turned to look at me with a 'what the f.u.c.k' face of reluctant acceptance and replied, "If you had asked me without bringing me here, I would have thought you were crazy. I might be crazy for actually agreeing... Okay, I can accompany you in four days to get some, but you must drink it inside the hospital. I can't have people asking what you want blood for or why I took you to get it."

"Alright, next I need you to train me in everything you can about seals and all types of jutsu. I also want to learn about medical ninjutsu, maybe you can speak to grandma Biwako about it?" I ask, catching sight of our stop.

"I can speak to Biwako when we get back and spare a clone or two for you every day, but as you said, I should spend what time I have left with Kushina." He replied

"That's fine. We're here." - Me

Stepping out, we walk over to a small square structure made of more stone blocks, inside was a staircase leading underground. At the bottom of the stairs was a locked door that only I had access to. I built this place with the Sims, Ark and Minecraft technology. This is my prison, workshop, and lab. I needed someplace to do the unsavory, dangerous, and loud things that must be done in private.

I had made a good amount of money with the village missions, about 5 to 20 system bucks each not to mention the roulette/gacha tokens for doing a certain amount. I kept the tokens but spent quite a bit of money on things I felt I needed. Most of the items I needed to build this place were in the F to D ranks so it was quite cheap. There were a couple of half dug-out corridors and 3 fully equipped ones.

The walls and ceiling of the central room were the same mars red earth while the floors were birch wood. The hallways kept the same color scheme up to the other rooms where the floors became a white tile for the lab, plain concrete for the workshop, the last room is a shooting range, I kept it with the original red dirt floors.

The lab was huge, I stocked it up with the leftover supplies from the secret bunker I woke up in. There was a shelf groove around the entire room filled with organ jars and lab notes. I had a few clones start taking stock of everything earlier in the day and still weren't done yet. I just know I'll get a headache later.

There was another hallway on the northern wall leading to some half-built prison cells. In the southwest corner of the room were five more of my clones huddled around a table as they each perform different surgeries on the dummy. Eyes, brain, heart, lungs, and limbs; each one using half-assed tv knowledge and untrained medical ninjutsu techniques.

The dummy itself is pretty creepy looking, he looks like an a.d.u.l.t Caillou with an unfading robotic grin, internal organs, and skin. It's just not real, and never will be; there won't be an AI dummy uprising or guilt trip about the abuse it endured.

Minato was about to go apeshit witnessing this mad science experiment, but stopped once I stepped up and popped the clones.

"Medical training simulation end, go on standby." I ordered while enduring the information rush.

Minato was confused about who I was talking to until the dummy sat up with his grin and said, "Affirmative" in a synthetic voice. There were a bunch of voice choices to sort through, but I don't really care so I just left it as is.

The dummy stood up and walked off with the surgical incisions healing almost instantly. Every piece of flesh and organs that were cut off began morphing into a mercury-like matter and moving towards it before seeping back in.

"What the hell is that thing?!?" Minato asked with his mouth agape.

"A training dummy, something I use as a training partner and to test how lethal techniques and weapons are. It's pretty much indestructible; hit it with your best move, don't worry, it won't feel pain since it's not alive at all." I respond then order the dummy to stand still.

"Are you sure?" He asks

I walk up to the dummy and stab it with a kunai, "Yeah, I'm sure, just do it."

"I can't say it's my best move, but it is one of my own creations." Minato holds a hand out, palm up and begins rotating his chakra to form a self-contained spinning orb of destruction.

Moving away from the dummy, "You gotta teach me that, I want to do some experiments with it." I point back at it and say, "Go ahead."

Minato disappears in a blur. The only thing I heard was the wind and a loud boom along with his voice and yelling out, "RASENGAN!!"

The dummy went flying through the corridor into one of the empty cells. It laid there momentarily before getting up and trying to rush back to give a damage assessment. I didn't want to hear it, so I shut it down then walked back over to move the dissection table.

While Minato was coming to terms with the immortal dummy, I opened up the mini-fridge to get what I needed. It was stocked with some Med-X, one regular Stimpak and a small box of expired Stimpaks I bought from the Fallout section. I bought the expired ones in bulk since they were a lot cheaper and still healed well enough.

I still had quite a few in my inventory for emergency situations like the upcoming Kyuubi thing. I took out the regular Stimpak and a Med-X syringe before getting Minato's attention once again.

"One of the most important things I need your help with is making sure no one close to me can be approached or recruited by Danzo. I don't like him, I don't want to like him, and absolutely nothing would change my mind. Secondly, I'm not sure if the feudal lord or other officials have this tendency, but make sure they don't try to forcefully take my girls..." I turn to look Minato in his eyes.

"I will never forgive anyone that tries to do that to me... Whether it be kidnapping, blackmail, ****, whatever; I will hunt and slaughter them and anyone remotely involved, no matter how long it takes... Nothing will stop me, and none will be spared... I don't care what I'm called... I won't allow anyone I care about to be taken from me... NOT AGAIN!!!" I began feeling my eyes heat up and change into the Kakugan.

Minato looks at me warily; I get it, a kid saying disturbing shit like that and his eyes suddenly becoming blood red with veiny black sclera, anyone would be on edge. I kinda lost myself in hunger, something in the room caused my instincts to flare-up, heightening my emotions. I take a deep breath and calm myself to deactivate my eyes.

"*Cough* F.u.c.k... like I mentioned earlier, I need that blood, fast. I'm still new to the whole emotions and bloodline thing so it's hard to control, but my point still stands. I'll be fine with almost anything else, just make sure no one comes for my family. Especially that shit stain Danzo, if he tries to enlist anyone in my family for whatever reason, we're gonna have a big problem.

Back to the issues at hand though; after you die, Hiruzen takes back the Hokage mantle, so I need you to convince him that he can trust me before that happens. I don't need to know village secrets, I just need help with certain things. One of which I'm about to show you." I tell him while trying to keep myself in check. I don't want to mess up and say more than I should... I'm pretty sure it's too late though, he's looking at me like I said I would blow up a national monument.

"You know you just caused my trust in you to plummet, right?" Minato asked

"Yeah, yeah, I kinda guessed that... Tell you what, I'll tell you a way you might survive your death, but if I do, y- ahh f.u.c.k it... This is bullshit... Listen, find a way to split the Kyuubi's chakra in half without the Reaper death seal shit, if you do, you should be able to live, I don't know... This 'trying to be cryptic' shit is way too annoying." I gave up and just let the truth flow out.

"One of the main reasons you die is that you get stabbed in the gut by the fox. The second is the reaper seal thing, so don't get stabbed and find a new seal to split a tailed beast, then you should be good. This all happens on the birth of your kid, so you don't have much time. Before you start complaining that I wasted a bunch of time f.u.c.k.i.n.g around instead of telling you, keep in mind that I don't really like you.

On top of that, I want to keep my knowledge of what happens in the future fairly intact... If I had it my way, Kushina would be mine, and you would be dead... Or just out of the picture. There was no real reason for me to tell you about your death in the first place, but I did it anyway, for her." I say, measuring the space I made.

Minato, visibly holding in the disbelief and slight anger from the wasted time, turns back to me and asks "Can't Kushina give birth here? This place seems far more secure than the village, we could avoid all our problems like this right?"

"I thought about that too, but if we did that, there's a very good chance that everything would end up much worse. The fox doesn't break out on its own, it has help. The person that intends to release and control it can come in and out of the village without setting off any kind of alarms. It's practically guaranteed that he would show up afterward and simply take Kushina without anyone being able to do anything to stop him.

That guy has some weird abilities, he can make his body shift through things like walls, jutsu, and people. On top of that, if he wanted to, he could transport others to a personal dimension sort or like mine, except ugly, and just leave. You should be fast enough to hit him as he makes himself solid. There's other stuff, but my memory isn't perfect so you're on your own with that." I tell him, still holding back the other guy's identity since if he knew, he might hold back against Obito.

We argue about it a while longer before he reluctantly agrees with me. There were a few questions he asked that I couldn't answer since they go far above my head, but I did tell him that his son has to have the fox sealed inside him. That started another argument, but with the 'Child of Prophecy' defense, I won yet again.

"We'll talk more about future stuff later, right now I need your full attention." I summon two items from my inventory and show Minato.

"What the hell is this?!?" - Minato

"People... The reason I need an introduction to Hiruzen is this. I can summon girls and animals from other worlds and timelines; aside from Mina, Ajisai, Fuu, and obviously Karin, everyone else was summoned, dogmeat included. All our doc.u.ments are authentic, which can be verified, it's just that they were provided by the gods... I don't question it, I just roll with it." - Me

"But why does this one have Rin?!?" - Minato

"Cuz it is, I never said that I couldn't summon someone from this world. Rin is basically frozen in time from when Kakashit stabbed her. Her real body was swapped out for a double by the gods just before she breathed her last breath.

She is technically alive, but about to die. From the damage listed on the card, I won't be able to save her without someone like Tsunade or if I get some sort of resurrection tool." - Me

I continue, "As for the second one, I wasn't able to summon her before since my medical skills were complete shit and it being hard to explain to others what happened. She's from another world, there is no chakra and all that, but they have technology like nothing you have ever seen.

I figured I should summon and heal her as evidence to prove I am who I say, and have you agree to help me so I can bring more people into my family without too much hassle... Plus I feel guilty keeping her in a state of limbo."

"All this is too much, you are giving me a headache." Minato says after a few moments.

"F.u.c.k you, I gave myself a headache trying to be cryptic with details. I'm pretty sure I suck at that." - Me

"You do." - Minato

"Go eat the a.s.s of the toad sage." - Me

We were getting too sidetracked so I put away Rin's card and got ready to heal Kat. There's almost no difference between summoning her or the others besides the loud boom from her falling. The card reports state that the power armor she wore is damaged and weighs about 705 lbs or 320 kg.

Minato looked at me wondering what kind of monster I summoned. That crash made even me think that the room was gonna cave in. As the dust settles, I notice the tile was broken and spread out pretty far in a spider web pattern. I heard a cough coming from the downed Spartan which snapped me out of my trance.

I immediately run up and try to calm her since she has a f.u.c.k.i.n.g nuke in her hands. The info transfer seemed to have started as I reached her. Slowly reaching for the nuke to not spook her, she hands it over and continues to lay there groaning in pain. Putting it away, I call Minato over to help me remove Kat's helmet.

"Hey, Kat. Can you tell or show us how to remove this thing?" Immediately after I ask, she lifts her left arm and deactivates the safety latch on the helmet to allow us to remove it.

"Wait a minute, what kind of language is that?!?" - Minato

"A different one... it's called English, now shut up and do what I say. I'm sure you can see her arm, I'm trying to save it." - Me

The right side of her face is a little cut up from the visor shards that broke off, but her head appears relatively fine. Her blue eyes almost perfectly matching her light blue armor. Black hair, lightly tanned skin, and a couple of battle scars; she's f.u.c.k.i.n.g beautiful! Halo: Reach did her no justice, she reminds me of a taller Sci-Fi version of Casca from berserk.

Coming out of my mesmerized state, I had Minato grab her right hand and hold it in place as I spoke to Kat, "Hey, listen. This is gonna hurt pretty bad, but you should get your arm back to full functionality. It's also gonna hurt me, so at least you won't be alone right?"

"But the battlecruiser, *gasp* we have to destroy it. *gasp* The covenant must be-" Kat tries to continue but I interrupt her gasping pleas.

"Don't worry about that right now, just let me heal you first, then we can discuss aliens." I then turn to Minato and hand over the fallout world syringes, "Take this and this, inject them both into her arm, as close to the shoulder as you can. The purple one first since it's a pain killer, then the red to help the body heal and make sure the arm isn't crippled when I start healing her."

I put my forearm out in front of her mouth and tell her, "Bite my arm hard enough to draw blood and hold on... don't take a chunk out alright?"

Kat gives me an airy "Understood", so I give Minato the signal to start. He didn't ask any more questions and did as I asked. Most of her arm is mangled and would normally require amputation, but thankfully, I'm not normal. She still has all her fingers too, so I guess she's lucky in that sense.

As the Med-X is applied, she chomps down on my arm. I get the urge to yelp like an old cartoon character, but I hold back by covering my mouth. Once the Stimpak is in, I start letting my chakra flow into her and let the healing take place. Kat soon started kicking her heel into the ground in pain.

*Thump* *Crack* *Thump* *Crack*

I look into her eyes as my own tear up in pain, "I know this sucks, but stick with it. The worse part is just beginning."... My bedside manner could use some work seeing as how her eyebrows shot up in worry and shock.

She's a badass though, from what little I know about the military and knowledge about the Haloverse Spartan program, she can take this, but just barely.

It is pretty disturbing seeing the arm wriggling and setting itself back in place. It took about 7 minutes before the arm was mostly healed. By the end of it, Kat had passed out, so I had to resort to using Magika and healing hands. All that was left was basically closing up the cuts. I summoned a clone to finish up while I wait for my chakra to replenish.

Minato looked exhausted as well, once Kat was able to move her arm, he had to use every ounce of strength he had to hold the Spartan's limb down. I bring out my canteen, switch it to orange juice, pour a cup for Minato and start chugging.

He doesn't even care where I brought the canteen and cup out from at this point and just drinks it. After another cup full, he finally asks, "That last thing you did, what kind of healing jutsu was that? It seems similar to the 'Mystical Palm' technique but the chakra was weird."

"It's a different world's healing technique, it doesn't use chakra, it's something else. I can't teach it to anyone else since it'll be useless; that's what you were thinking right, a kid can learn it, so why not make it an academy jutsu or something?" - Me

"It would have been great, so many promising children died in action whether it be wars or missions. If this technique was available, so many people would still be here." - Minato

"It's not really easy to learn, it's cuz of the shadow clones that I'm even in one piece. The energy it uses tends to explode in your face until you get it right. So, you would be better off having someone come up with a much more basic healing jutsu instead." - Me

Putting the canteen away, I summon a scroll and hand it to Minato, "Check this for me, is this the same as the Nara clans shadow stitch jutsu?"

Alarmed, Minato begins reading it over. About a quarter of the way through, he no longer looked like he was making sure I didn't commit a crime. Instead, he looked at the scroll filled with intrigue and inspiration.

I got tired of waiting for him so I decided to find what was causing my hunger. I popped in my watermelon lollipop to hold it off. Sniffing every jar is a pain, but it should pay off. Seeing how Minato kept doing hand signs, rereading, and giggling like a schoolgirl, I figured I had time.

The clones couldn't notice the smell, so I guess they're free from the bloodthirst. I found it eventually by making Tucan Sam proud. I came across a jar with four eyeballs floating in it. Due to their cataracts, I couldn't see if there was a tomoe or other distinct features, but I'm pretty sure it has to be a visual type clan,

A dojutsu bloodline, two whole f.u.c.k.i.n.g pairs and I had them the whole f.u.c.k.i.n.g time! I don't care how old these things are, or that Minato is here; I'm eating them! Cackling like a maniac as I twist open the jar, I freeze... This f.u.c.k.i.n.g thing is vacuum-sealed or something. I put my lollipop away and continue trying to force it with all my strength. Getting more and more frustrated, I couldn't stand it in anymore.

I put the jar on the ground and shoot it *BOOOM*, "F.u.c.k you, jar! F.u.c.k you, scientist! You wanna f.u.c.k with me?!? You don't f.u.c.k.i.n.g know me!!! You think glass is gonna keep me from eating?!? I'll eat the glass too, I don't give a F.U.C.K!!!"

I'm sure I have Minato's attention now, but I don't care; I'm too hungry to care... Grabbing up all four eyes, I immediately popped them in my mouth one by one. The sickening crunch of the eyes wasn't something I expected, neither was the feeling of bliss as the different textures now filled my mouth. The glass was irrelevant to me if there even was any.

I felt my body absorb the eyes as I continue to chew, and gulp these things down. As a ghoul, I need to eat humans to produce the RC cells that my body uses to boost my natural abilities. As I get through the last eye, my sanity slowly recovers and I lay on the floor.

"Why was that so f.u.c.k.i.n.g good?" - Me

"I thought you only needed blood; what the hell was that?!?" - Minato

"Blood is the best alternative... You would never agree to give me dead bodies right? I'll get those outside the village if I need to. I have these jars here as emergency rations. It's also why I didn't check if the guys that attacked Mina had a bounty on them... Speaking of which, I don't need them now, do they have bounties?" I ask, dropping the bodies nearby.

Minato, visibly put off by my previous actions, begins looking over the corpses... None of them have faces... It doesn't phase him though, the only issue now was identifying them through a different method.

"It was somewhere in the outskirts of the land of iron. Does that help?" - Me

"Their faces would help more... That booming sound thing you did, it did this?" - Minato

"Yeah, it's stronger now though... And it's not exactly the sound, but something like the air bullet jutsu; a projectile weapon... Don't try to have someone make it, or something similar; humans are too stupid to own guns freely... You already have jutsu, imagine if everyone had access to something like this. Bandits, rival villages, rogue ninjas, and civilians, it'll start an arms race of who can create the best gun... I'm sure you can figure out how bad things can get." - Me

Minato nods his head and gets back to the original question, "I'm not going to be able to say for sure whether or not these bandits had a bounty until we get back to the village. I'll seal them in a scroll for now. I'll let you know in a few days. If they were as vicious as you and Mina mentioned, odds are at least one of them has one."

"And what about the shadow stitch?" - Me

"I can tell it's different, even the chakra molding method is something I've never seen before. It came off as a fake sold in the poorer villages to those desperate to protect their loved ones. However, once I got to the minute details, I could tell it was either authentic or really well made. That was until I tried it out; I was about to notify you but you went crazy and ate some old eyeballs." - Minato

"You think they would share their jutsu if we shared this?" - Me

"I can ask. If anything, they might share their own shadow stitch jutsu as an exchange of techniques." - Minato

"That's fine, show them the scroll, it's a copy anyway." - Me

I opened my status screen to check on my bloodlines. There were almost no changes besides the Inuzuka bloodline which was now complete. Looking for the newly added bloodline, I noticed the name Chinoike... What the f.u.c.k is the Chinoike clan?!? It has the word "Ketsuryugan" which means blood dragon eye or something...

It does have a cool name though, and it comes with the ability to manipulate blood and genjutsu on the level of the sharingan. I can find out how good it is later, it might come in handy during medical emergencies.

Turning my head towards Kat, I see her staring at me in disgust. She might have knowledge of my need to feed on humans, but seeing it in person is a different matter altogether. I'm not gonna smile at her, it'll make things worse...

"How's the arm?" - Me

"Sore." - Kat

"You understand the situation?" - Me

"More or less." - Kat

"Any questions?" - Me

"No." - Kat

"Not much of a talker huh?" - Me

"Not at the moment." - Kat

"That's fine. Can you access your inventory and change out of the armor into some civilian clothes? Bring out your new identification papers too." - Me

When I equip new clothes, it doesn't bother me, but see if it on another person makes it look like a glitch to me. One second, armor; the next, tracksuit... She stood up and stuck her right arm in the jacket pocket. Towering over me, she hands me the doc.u.ments.

I take a quick look at its contents. It says that she is our family's guard; recruited from a young age and raised to protect the family against all threats. That's fine I guess, she can learn how to mold chakra later to cover up that slight plot hole.

"You have a gun right?" - Me

"A couple." - Kat

"Don't show them unless it's an emergency. Oh, and there are some people that can avoid the bullet anyway, so be careful." - Me

"I'm always careful." - Kat

"I wasn't saying you weren't, just keep in mind that there are people out there far stronger than anything the covenant had. You'll find out soon enough... It says here that you are our bodyguard; any problems?" - Me

"No, I just want to know, did we win?" - Kat

"The war or the battle? I don't know either way; you can ask Sys in your head later on, she should have answers for you." - Me

I hand Minato her papers and remember something. I summon the samurai helmet I kept and gave it to Kat.

"You should take this; it might not match your armor colors, but it should be better than the one you have for now." - Me

"Thank you." - Kat

We walk out to the Kart, I store it, pay an extra $40 to get the 4 seat maximum, and bring it back out. I summon another clone to continue taking stock before getting into the kart with Minato and Kat. On the road, I figured I should use up all my roulette tokens. I had used 21 tokens, for every 10 used in bulk I get 1 free spin that guarantees a D-rank minimum.

There was a bunch of random, seemingly useless, unranked shit... The guitar from Beck "Lucille", a karaoke machine, slippers, and a soccer ball to name a few...

There were some decent items too like 5 creature spawns for Eos... E-rank Pidgey from Pokemon, D-rank Milk Whale from Toriko, F-rank Ragout Rabbit from SAO, F-rank generic slime, and lastly, some disgusting f.u.c.k.i.n.g thing called "Seaman" from the Dreamcast, I traded that shit for unranked bluefin tuna and krill.

I was mostly excited due to 4 things, a locket with the photo of my goddess (nunya), 1 D-rank Pokemon of choice, D-rank spear serpent from the mortal kombat movie, and a D-rank skill of choice; I'll save that last one. The spear serpent is basically Scorpion's trademark skill, it's just that it comes out of the palms and lives inside the body... Sounds gross, but it's so cool.

As for my goddess, I'll keep her around my neck at all times. There were some other items that I never heard of, I'll check those before I go to bed.

Arriving at the house, we step inside. Minato looking around at the paintings, and family photos that littered the house. I'm glad Sys replaced the originals with photos of me instead of the original family, but it's so weird and lonely that it's only me in the pictures...

Taking Kat upstairs, I let her pick one of the rooms in the house for her to stay in until the utilities are on at the new place. She's a big girl and Kushina's house is already packed as it is... Plus she needs to learn Japanese; her Spartan augmentation should help with that. I bought her some learning materials and let her know she'll be staying there temporarily.

Minato and I headed back to the village, parted ways, and went off to do our own thing. Over the next week, Minato wrote his will, introduced me to Hiruzen and Biwako, had Orochimaru teach me a few times when he couldn't, and spent time with his wife.

The days flew by quickly. Utilities we're finally on so we all moved into the Uzumaki household. I tried to give Mina the biggest room but she refused and chose a smaller one. I shared the bed with Maria now so the kidnapped babies we're nearby; Himawari and Kaede had a habit of climbing in bed with us too. Kat took the room closest to the entrance, while Taiga took the one furthest from it.

Kaede and I sparred in the yard regularly, sometimes I would get some tips from Kat and teach her about chakra. Like I thought, she picked up Japanese pretty quickly and was perfectly fluent within a few days. She was pretty restless not having a battle to participate in which prompted her to want to learn jutsu and go on missions.

I told her to wait about a year to start going out on missions since something was gonna happen soon and likely cause other villages to test our weaknesses afterward. She agreed but only after I got her a VR helmet to keep her battle senses sharp.

Finally, the day was upon us. Minato came to me in the afternoon to give me the heads up. I shook his hand and wished him good luck. After he left, I went to tell the girls not to go out today at all and to stay away from the windows; they knew something was wrong but didn't ask and just accepted it. I then gave Kat instructions on where to go when it was time and told her she'd know when.

I go to Eos to set a few things up quickly, then head back. Walking out the house I head over to my favorite spot; the house was built closest to the First Hokage's head, but I liked sitting over the Second's better. Why? Because he was pretty underrated all things considered. Sure he might have been a racist, but I feel like his genius should outshine that.

Wondering to myself if I did all I could do, I summoned my guitar. I could only sit and wait for the inevitable as my chakra refilled. Strumming and tuning the guitar, I take a second to admire its morbid beauty.

A 1958 Gibson Les Paul Standard, a s.e.xy guitar in general, but the 7 bullet holes add an extra layer of personality to the guitar. The story behind it being that it belonged to some guitarist named Sunnyboy Walters who got shot during a fight over some woman while he was playing. The woman was named Lucille, which is how the guitar her name.

I finished and decided to plug into the amp that came with it to play some Metallica. At this moment, nothing else mattered; this was my meditation ritual. Halfway through the song, I started singing at the top of my lungs.

"~Take a look to the sky just before you die,

It is the last time you will!

Blackened roar massive roar fills the crumbling sky! Shattered goal fills his soul with a ruthless cry!

Stranger now, are his eyes, to this mystery; He hears the silence so loud!

Crack of dawn, all is gone except the will to be! Now they see what will be, blinded eyes to see!

For whom the bell tolls!

Time marches on!

For whom the bell tolls.~"

I put my stuff away and calmly wait for the fox to show up. Double-checking my inventory, making sure I have the items I need at the ready as I looked over the village.

*BOOOOM*

*GROOOAAARRR*

The back to back sound waves hit me like a sledgehammer to the c.h.e.s.t. I couldn't tell what it was, but I felt a grin slowly creeping onto my face. My eyes change and become blood red, "That hurt, you son of a bitch! But I have something special in store just for you... We're gonna have some fun! HAHAHA!!!"