Re:Menma A Multiverse Harem Story

(A/N - Sorry, for the delay)

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Kushina's house, soon after Menma left

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The first time Mina fainted, seemed to be because of emotional distress. Kushina and Minato planned to take her for a check-up the next day, but she fainted again before they could do so. Uneasy about Mina having fainted a second time, she forced Minato to persuade 'Sarutobi, Biwako' to do a house call.

Without much choice, he returns a short while later with a stern-faced woman in Medic garbs and long brown hair in a high ponytail, the wife of the third Hokage. Having been briefed by Minato, Biwako stared at the pair, shooting them a disapproving stink eye. She shook her head in disapproval and silently walked into the bedroom to give Mina a check-up.

Dogmeat watched as this strange woman came into the room and approached Mina. He leapt off the bed with all his strength to chase her off.

"Awrooo!" (Translation - "F.u.c.k off Hag!")... It would have been a glorious sight, had he stuck the landing, *Bang* *Whimper*...

Biwako glanced at the poor puppy before continuing. He refused to give up though, even in pain, Dogmeat was determined to protect her at all costs. He became attached and protective of all the girls, Mina most of all, with all the time he spent with them when Menma ignored him. His hind legs dragging loosely as he limps towards Biwako. *Bark!* *Bark!* "Take Menma instead you wrinkled old bat!"

Biwako ignored him even as the hem of her dress was pulled "violently". The unconscious pregnant lady required all her attention.

Outside, Kushina paced back and forth as Minato struggled to calm and get her to sit. The babies were playing inside a shared crib, but Taiga, Kaede, Himawari, and Maria are all silently waiting for news. The girls had bonded with Mina throughout the trip even if she wasn't responsive. They felt bad, believing it was something they did wrong.

While on the road, Hima shared her toys, played with Mina's hair, and talked to her about things she found interesting. Kaede fed her and made sure she didn't wander off or eat things she shouldn't. Taiga and Maria worked together to bathe and dress Mina once or twice a day if there were any accidents. Maria tried to do everything on her own but relented when the girls were stubborn in helping out and letting her rest a bit.

That was another reason Menma summoned Taiga and Hima, Maria was working too hard and wouldn't take a break. On top of taking care of two babies, she cooked, cleaned, and washed, but never complained. Taking care of Mina wasn't too much trouble, but she needed help with her workload.

The girls blamed themselves and wondered if they had done something wrong. Hima worried that maybe she shouldn't have given Mina some candy. Maria wondered if the meals she made weren't nutritious enough for a pregnant woman, and felt like a failure of a maid. They all want to help somehow but are helpless in matters concerning medicine. Now they all have no choice but to wait and find out if anything is wrong.

After half an hour, Kushina sat down to get Minato to shut up. Another 30 minutes go by and Biwako finally comes out and stretches while letting out a long sigh. She hates dealing with worried families.

"Is it over?! Was there anything wrong 'ttebane?!" - Kushina

"She's currently stable. From what Minato said, she went through a traumatic event and a taxing journey to get here, and now she's in the last week or two before she goes into labor. Her emotional distress could be the main cause, but I drew some blood to run a few tests to be sure. For now, feed her a pregnancy vitamin pills the Akimichi make, you should have a few weeks worth to spare right?" - Biwako

"Yeah, we went a bit overboard when we were shopping for supplies. I have enough to last me for another 4-5 children dattebane! Well, as long as giving birth doesn't hurt too much... Are there any signs to look out for?" - Kushina

"You don't need to worry, she's in amazing shape, all things considered. When she wakes up, ask her about her plans for giving birth. It's better for the whole family to be on the same page, mostly so you won't be running around like headless chickens when she goes into labor." - Biwako

(A/N - For any medical nitpickers, Chakra is the answer for everything lol)

"Let me know what kinds things we may need to have ready, I'll get them before I head back into the office." - Minato

"I have a list already, Biwako-sama had me prepare and taught me what to expect. We should get a labor bag ready for her 'ttebane." - Kushina

"Not until you find out her plans, we don't know where she wants to give birth, so don't waste your money until you find out." - Biwako

The girls nod affirmatively, and come up with a divide and conquer game plan before heading out to shop. Minato knew the warning signs of a shopping trip, so he hiraishined with Biwako in tow. His defense being that she had hospital work to attend to.

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Menma POV

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After dodging pots and pans, I decided to check out more of the villages to fill in my system map. Just walking by a building won't register what it is, I gotta know whether it's a house, shop, or whatever. If I had just walked past Ichiraku's without acknowledging it, it would have a question mark until I learn the name, or someone recommends and gives me directions.

There are a few more features, one of which is extra info I learned if I highlight the building, as in its inhabitants, working hours, and other details. Another function is the 'interior map' that records the layout of caves, buildings, etc. Traps or hidden doors and such are not marked until I discover them or am warned.

After about 2 hours of exploration, I decided to call it a day and start training. I ducked around a corner and went to Eos. No matter how many times I come here, I am still struck with the beauty of my world. Huge silver sun with golden veins, blue grass, and a beach near my house. Most of which appeared along the way to Konoha.

The water, according to Sys, is capable of supporting all kinds of marine life regardless of fresh or saltwater needs. It's color is crystal clear with a bluish tint, it has a slightly sweet taste and is constantly at a cool temperature. The world itself continues to grow, there are stars light up a beautiful night sky, but there are no other planets. Not that I mind, I don't want to deal with alien invasion bullshit.

The sapling that was near my house is no longer there; instead, there is a flower-lined walkway that leads from my front door to a field of even more flowers. At the furthest end of the field is a hill with the sapling that now grew into a gigantic tree; majestically standing alone, with nothing but flowers around it. Reminds me of a baby-sized Yggdrasil, not that I've ever seen it, but a huge white tree with golden leaves isn't exactly mundane. I just hope it doesn't grow anymore.

I didn't ask for it, but it's nice and gives off a calming aura, I and the girls appreciate it either way. According to Sys, there are many of these trees on Eos, one for every couple of fully expanded zones to act as fast travel posts. Each tree acts as an access hub for other trees and any world I travel to. Once I set up an entry and exit point, anybody I mark is allowed to travel to and fro as they please until I revoke that privilege.

The mark cannot be faked, copied or tricked. Should someone take over the marked body, it will instantly deactivate until the original is back in control. Anyone that I or Sys have registered as my "Family" can come in and out of Eos directly, they also have the same body snatch or mind control protection I do.

Behind the (one tree) hill is a forest with a ton of different types of fruit trees and berry shrubs. Opposite the field, is an area with rough 'Mars-like' ground, it looks like a dead zone, it stuck out quite a lot against all the green. Further away, beyond the dead zone, I can see the beginnings of a desert, luckily I requested for every region to have its own climate, separated by a barrier.

The area my house is located is always just right, cool enough to snuggle up in a blanket, yet warm enough to take a dip in the ocean/pool. If I or my girls ever want to experience a different season, I can just ask for it, but only in the 'homezone'. Other places have it locked-in to whatever temperature is best. There are no animals here yet; I have to buy or manually bring the animals here to randomly spawn them in the world.

Aside from that, there's a function I learned about a week ago; if I completely take over a world, or just a continent, I can absorb it into Eos. If I do end up absorbing a world, I'll need to set up teleportation nodes in every major city. As for the energy in this world; any type that my body has, is a naturally occurring one here. No conflicting energies, and as a bonus, it gives a decent boost to your reserves while training here. Hehehe Eos is truly a goldmine.

Back to business, I head into the dead zone that I decided to use as a training field. It's time put to use the things I learned about chakra from Kaede, Jiraiya, and reading to use. It's not much, but it's enough to not cripple myself like an idiot destroying his chakra system. I wouldn't want to be like Rock Lee, not being able to use chakra.

I have read the multi-shadow clone scroll quite a few times. Kaede told me it was similar to her own, so we took bits from both to make a modified version. It doesn't require as much chakra now, but it limits the max amount to about 5 of these types of clones. Later I'll try other experiments like if I can make more, but I'm not risking it so early.

The amount is good enough for now, Sys and Kaede confirmed that the only change was the clone limit while making them sturdier, and longer-lasting. They can take even more of a beating depending on how much energy I put into them. However, there is a bit of pain transference if the clones suffer before they pop.

As a bonus, they can last as long as they don't get hurt or run out of chakra. As long as they meditate, their chakra will refill. It's not good to keep them active for too long though, the toll it will take on my mind when they poof would be immense. About 12 hours is the recommended limit until Kaede's and my mind can withstand more. According to Sys at least...

I could have tried to start with the academy jutsu, but shadow clones are cheats. If I learn to use it, I can boost my training speed by a lot depending on how many I summon. I'll need to work on my physique myself, but I can have the clones work on energy control and jutsu while doing so.

Thanks to my modified scroll, I only need a single hand ram seal to activate it. In the future, I should be able to do it with any seals. I slowly channel my chakra and follow the instructions as closely as I can.

With a shit-eating grin, I am about to fulfill one of my dreams, "Kage bunshin no jutsu (v2)!", I yell at the top of my lungs.

*Poof* *Poof*

Here I stand, a man amongst men, a realizer of dreams, staring at two perfectly identical clones of myself. Now to see how close their personalities match my own...

"Sharkbait!" - Me

"Hoo Ha Ha!!" - 1 & 2

Perfect! Truly wonderful! The world will know fear, they will all bow befo... F.u.c.k.i.n.g chuuni disease!!! You will never have me dammit!!! *deep breath* I can feel a connection to the clones, I can manually control them slightly. The more I try to control them, the more it tires me out mentally.

It's should be similar to the original technique, so I'm guessing Naruto gave simple orders like "kick his ass" or "train this" to the hundreds and thousands of clones he made without assuming (direct) control. It's the only thing that makes sense... no, wait, there's always the plot armor... ignore my original theory.

I start barking orders, "1, you're in charge of training energy manipulation and jutsu! 2, you are in charge of training Magika and the healing spells! I'll take care of the physical stuff; I want you to train until you burst like a damned balloon! No rest, no bullshit! Let's do this!"

They quickly respond with "F.u.c.k you boss!", and get to work. I brought the training dummy out for them to practice on.

I have to get accustomed to my body. There are a bunch of inhuman changes, The Tenshi bloodline gave me wings, Ghoul race gave me a kagune in the form of tails, Swift bloodline gave me crazy speed, Hantagan bloodline gave me enhanced sight, etc... I am essentially an abomination, and I love it. Hell, even the Hanma bloodline is forcing me to train and want to fight strong people, I feel like a battle junkie Saiyan.

'Sys, just making sure, but training this early isn't gonna stunt my growth right? I want to be able to look like an a.d.u.l.t in this life.' - Me

{Wrong, however you need not worry. From Kat-B320, you have inherited the "Spartan-III Augmentation", which grants you nearly unbreakable bones, stronger organs, enhanced sight (night-vision), enhanced strength, speed, and memory. The drugs will alter your muscle and bone development, which in turn makes you taller. Even with stunted growth, it is estimated that you will be well over 6 feet tall. The augmentation will only activate when you turn 13, beware of extreme growing pains.} - Sys

Damn, okay, I wasn't expecting that... I still have a decade before it activates, but it's good to know ahead of time. I might need to find a way to decrease my height at this rate, an over 6 foot ninja isn't exactly a ninja. It might work in worlds like one piece where I wouldn't stand out too much, but I'll still stick out if I try to be stealthy. Whatever, I'll be noticeable regardless, my crimson hair and golden eyes guarantee it.

Before I get to work I stare at my clones standing next to the deactivated dummy, I look on with a bit of disappointment since they look like a pair of twin brats as they poke at it with a stick. I can't wait to get older and not deal with this shit.

I summon my Tenshi wings, proud as they no longer droop to the floor. When I had checked them for the first time in the hideout, they not only dropped to the floor without strength to support their own weight, but they were completely featherless... they looked like a f.u.c.k.i.n.g nut sack... completely crushed my mental image of what angel wings look like.

Now that they are fully feathered, they have a mostly snow white color with a smoky black streak across the lower end of the wings, similar to that of a red crowned crane. The feathers on the ends are sharp and sturdy, so much so that they can be used as weapons. Finally, the wine red trim on the tips looked like they were lightly dipped in red paint, according to Sys, are toxic.

The toxin is in a dormant state until I feel I'm in danger. It's not deadly, but is twice as painful as a bullet ant sting. The pain lasts anywhere between 48 to 72 hours of constantly pulsing waves of agony that cannot be suppressed by natural means. If I eat other poisons, toxins and venoms, I'll be able to make my own much more potent. As an added bonus I'm able to secrete it into a container to have a supply of torture juice hehehe.

My wingspan seems to be about 8 feet, a little more than double my height. Just walking around with these things throws my balance out of whack, so I take my time getting used to them. Spread out, retracted, and half open, whether it be walking, running, or jumping, I trained until I felt it was enough.

The weirdest part was trying to move the wings themselves. I didn't have new muscles to flex, and it wasn't moved mentally either. It was in some weird halfway point, the muscles were in the wings, not my back. The sense of touch was intact, slightly lowered, but I could still feel contact. The wings are connected to my back when summoned, but no evidence or mark when not.

I flexed every wing muscle, getting a feel for how they move. Thought about how birds and other winged creatures look when they fly, and started copying the motions slowly. After going through the motions for about an hour, I figured it's time to take flight.

First attempt, I learned that the wings were way stronger than expected. I flapped once with all the strength I could muster, launching myself about 5 or 6 feet into the air and land on my a.s.s.

Second attempt, I tried taking flight like an airplane by using my swift bloodline to take off in a sprint. The problems I faced had to do with the up or down tilting of my wings. Too much or too little would either cause drag or make me nosedive.

Third attempt, I stood on a tall boulder. Either I fly, or clone 2 is gonna have a new patient to practice on. I jumped, flapped, and flapped again, I would have been fine if I kept a steady pace... I panic flapped, and continued to do so a few more times, picking up speed far too quickly... It was at this point, I knew, I f.u.c.k.e.d up...

I felt my stomach sinking when I began to drop, and it hit me hard. I then remembered that I had no idea how birds slowed down. If my mind was clear I might have thought to stop flapping, but alas, I went full retard...

I struggled and barely managed to turn towards the direction of my clone and descended until my feet could touch the ground. I bought out my tails and dug in to slow myself as I try to land...

I was already moving my legs at the fastest speed I could with swift on. This, in turn, caused my wings to be boosted as well, which I didn't account for. I hit the ground hard, skid and bounced as if I was a skipping stone, leaving behind a crater trail and a single shoe in my path.

In the end, one wing was broken, the other had scr.a.p.es and general road rash. I couldn't retract the broken one, so I left it as is, at least I learned something new. My little toe was broken, left elbow and shoulder dislocated, while my right hand had minor scratches, all in all, I think I got off lightly. That knowledge didn't help with the pain though...

"HELP! IM DYING!!!" I scream as I try to get 2's attention. I can already see 2 on his way, the asshole is walking towards me practically dragging his feet... I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch...

'Sys, how long is my threshold for pain gonna be this low?'

{It is estimated that your will have to endure for another 5-7 years. You can cut the time by another 2-4 years if you go through assassin's torture and interrogation training like you did in the past.} - Sys

F.u.c.k that, I'd rather wait; another round of that and I'll end up a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t. I just lay here, waiting for 2 to finish healing me so I can kill him. When he arrived and said, "It smells like 100% bitch over here, stop being such a p.u.s.s.y."... That's when I knew, he had to die...

It took half an hour to heal me, my wing wasn't fully recovered but I was able to unsummon it. I thought they would reset once I resummoned them, but I was wrong. I'm glad I can't feel the pain anymore, but at least I can sense them healing quickly. While all this was going on, I decided to take stock of the doc.u.ments and scrolls from the lab.

There were a ton of different jutsus, however all were damaged, the passage of time had done a number on the parchment and/or ink to the point it was almost unintelligible. Luckily there were quite a few duplicates, so I might be able to get a few complete ones after copying them down. Some of the newer scrolls were 'kekkei genkai' exclusive, like "explosion style: landmine fist" or "mud style: landslide".

Others had basic academy standard taijutsu from different countries, and clan specific taijutsu scrolls, none of which I knew from the series. There is nothing truly useful for me at the moment, even the medical ninjutsu scrolls are scraps. I read the last dated lab reports which mentioned that all the bloodline specimens were packed and shipped to another unspecified location.

I guess I won't be getting more bloodlines without hunting for them myself. I continue to scroll through the doc.u.ments, hoping for any information on the kid I basically took over. I'm glad I didn't have to wave my hands around to use the system, and that there is a digital copy of the items as long as they are stored. I noticed a book in my inventory that is sealed shut, and another that is locked.

Sys won't let me see the contents of either one until I get them opened, or pay to open it. They look too worn out anyway, so I'll hold off for now. I continue browsing, considering how many limbs and experiment notes I had found, I knew some items would be heartbreaking.

'Knocked-up kunoichi', a pregnancy guide book like 'What to expect when expecting', plus the babies and fetuses in jars meant that pregnant women were clearly test subjects. Not to mention the tons of diaries and records of the victims and the scientist that did all this shit.

That same scientist later forced some of his captives to write in a diary or interviewed them every single day until their eventual death. His intention being to try and find a way to keep them sane for as long as possible, or at least learn their thought process as they descend into madness.

Picture books, nursery books, bedtime story books, book on lullabies, civilian school books, there was an inordinate amount of children's books in my inventory. I don't know how long this guy was at it, but given the fact that the lab I woke up in wasn't his only one, I can only imagine how many bodies he piled up. Not a single clue as to his name, gender, or village origins were left behind.

He was quite meticulous in keeping his note ramblings strictly about the tests and ideas for new experiments and such. I could spend all week looking through these notes, but it isn't useful for now. Besides training, I need to earn money and system bucks, so I only have one thing I can do...

'Sys, are there any missions available?" - Me

{No} - Sys

...

'Really?' - Me

{None that you can complete at the moment. There are missions for killing people who were vital to the story, or saving others from the lives they would have had or lost. You can get rewarded for making a difference in important events, your role and contribution will be taken into account for your final grade and rewards. If you can convince the Hokage to allow you to take on E-Rank or D-Rank missions, you can system rewards as well.} - Sys

'E-Rank? Isn't D-Rank the lowest mission rank?' - Me

{D-Rank is the lowest that a shinobi can put on file, but E-Rank is available for any villager who applies for an odd job permit at the head office. That is part of the reason the Hokage gets so much paperwork, any and all issues, complaints, suggestions, and applications, are all handled by the Hokage. The previous Hokage never thought to delegate some of the workload to their subordinates. At most they would have a secretary keeping track of a schedule someone designating certain doc.u.ments as important or urgent.} - Sys

... Idiots... The f.u.c.k were they thinking? I get that they went into war after war with nearly no peace period, but how the hell do they come to the conclusion that the Hokage has to handle every issue? I'm glad I don't have such an idiotic ambition.

'Would I get rewarded if I give Minato suggestions on the paperwork issue?' - Me

{Only if something truly important changes as a result of your input. There are also secret missions. However, the requirements are obviously hidden.} - Sys

I wonder what kind of secret objectives they are... As for important changes, I imagine something like the capture or death of someone like Orochimaru or his little b.u.t.t buddy, Kabuto. The fall of a village might work too, but it'll f.u.c.k up my plans too much. Even if I know a lot about the 'Naruto' world when compared to other worlds, that's only if I stick to cannon.

...Thinking about it a little more, Danzo would have probably corrupted it within the week. That god damned cyclops ruins everything, if something bad happened, odds are he caused it somehow. It's not worth the risk changing anything with him still in play... 'For the good of the village' my a.s.s.

First thing first, get a job... son of a bitch. There are two more things that I want to try before I go. As 2 is playing doctor with the dummy, I take aim with 'Baby' and pull the trigger.

*BANG*, the recoil increased far more than expected; it almost made me fall.

The bullet hits his back, leaving a huge hole straight through his belly button. I thought he would disappear instantly, but he kneels and clutches his stomach in agony. It's weird seeing myself like this, so I go for the head this time.

*BANG*... a second later, *POOF*... even the blood vanished.

"!?! AHHHH, FUUCK!!!" I was expecting a headache and information, but not part of the pain from the bullet wounds. It's not that bad, I just wasn't ready. Now I know what to expect if they poof again. 1 is glaring and flipping me off, I guess he wasn't expecting it either.

*POOF* I cancel him too.

There was only information this time. I summon another clone, teleport back, and cancel the jutsu. The information and unused chakra came back. I couldn't tell before because my own chakra had refilled fully while I was training, but I do get back a good portion of it after canceling.

I summoned one more clone to train while I get my work permit thing. I take off towards the Hokage building, weaving through the crowds. As I neared the destination, I stealthily walked the rest of the way. The secretary was busy looking through a magazine, so I just let myself into the office.

Inside the office was Minato looking like an idiot. Five neatly stacked 2 foot high towers of papers that need to be approved or denied. I suddenly get the irresistible urge to start up a bit of trouble...

Grinning, I charge at him and tell, "Your reign ends here old man! I'll defeat you and become Hokage! Prepare yourself! Menma style: Mercer boot jutsu!"

I summoned Alex Mercer's boots from my inventory and throw them perfectly in his direction. Minato looks up at the flying boots and dodges them both. I bring up both hands into a ram seal and summon two clones. We start zigzagging as we run. "Menma style: F.u.c.k yo couch!"

I led the charge with a flying kick and yelled out, "Dynamic Entry!", the other two followed soon after. Minato brought a finger up to parry my foot, ignoring the two shadow clones. The clones soon arrived with their own kick, but Minato noticed that they are actually physical. He used his other hand to stop them both with a surprised look on his face.

"You can used the shadow clone jutsu?" He asked.

"Yup, but like I said... F.u.c.k. Yo. Couch" Me, Myself, & I stood on his desk and said with a devilish smile.

*Poof Poof* *Rustle*

Dispelling the clones caused enough wind to burst out to scatter all his papers. Mission accomplished.

"What. Did. You. Do!?!?" He yelled

"Oh, Shit!"... May the spirit of Joseph Joestar protect me in my time of need. "Nigerundayo!" my original intention can go f.u.c.k itself. I take off with swift activated. In my attempt to emulate Konohamaru, I left the door wide open.

Time seemed to move slower; my bloodline and danger made sure of that. The office feels so much bigger now, the door seems so far away. As I pass through the doorframe, I spot the secretary trying to find out what had just occurred. She was in the way, so I slipped past between her legs. Looking up, pink lace...

*Snap* {Image Saved} - Sys

I head down the hallway to the staircase, but before I can even take another step, I was blinded by a big white wall with a crack in it. Apparently, Minato knows genjutsu, it was a nightmare. A man-faced, misshapen woman in a full-body white jumpsuit was dancing in a "seductive" manner... trying to twerk... with no a.s.s...

"AHHHHHHH! WHAT THE F.U.C.K IS THAT! YOU SICK F.U.C.K! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS YOU CROOKED SON OF A BITCH!" I yell as I try everything I could come up with to not see this hideous creature any longer. I looked away, but it follows my line of sight. I closed my eyes, but I can see it even clearer in the darkness.

In the end, I try running away, but the creature is always ahead of me. The jumpsuit digging deeper into its a.s.s crack with every pelvic thrust. My prank definitely wasn't worth it. The unborn Konohamaru will answer for this; as will Minato. He's more than likely gonna die when Naruto is born, but it doesn't excuse him from the hell I'm going to bring into his life.

...30 minutes... That's how long I had to sit through that god-awful personal twerk show... I've had time to concoct a surefire plan to f.u.c.k up the rest of his life... All I need to do now is set the dominoes up without getting caught.

When I came to, I was hanging upside down from the ceiling. The main culprit of my rage is sitting on his desk, staring daggers at me. He was about to say something but a knock on the door interrupted him.

He glances between and the door before speaking, "*sigh* Come on in".

I would have cursed him out, but my mouth had a silence tag taped over it. So I wriggled like a worm and huffed in frustration.

The door opened up and in walks in creepy-ass Orochimaru. Seeing this I struggled even more. That girly faced freak looks at me and smiles... I'll say this now, if that son of a bitch even glances at my a.s.s, I'll spill the beans. I'll spit out everything from his ties to Danzo, his creepy a.s.s experiments, and all future events I remember... F.u.c.k the future, my a.s.s is more important! I dare anyone to say differently!

While I was distracted by keeping an eye on the shotacon bandit, I failed to notice another person enter behind him. By the time I finally noticed, the other person was already in front of me staring eye to eye. My little kissing buddy from the bathhouse, Anko...

Orochimaru begins his pitch to borrow a forbidden scroll and experiment on death row inmates, and/or brain dead hospital patients. Minato just listens on to the pretty decent sales pitch. In the meantime, Anko and I haven't stopped staring at each other. She decided this was going nowhere so she ripped the tag off my mouth.

Before I could even take a deep breath, she asks, "Have anything to say to me?"

"Um, it's been a while?" - Me

"...Hokage-sama, can I borrow him?" - Anko

"Why?" - Minato

"We have some issues to iron out, I'll bring him back in 10 or 20 minutes." - Anko

"No! Minato, don't do it! I can still forgive your transgressions against me, but not if you do this... Don't condemn me, you limp-d.i.c.ked, ball-less bastard!" - Me

"SHUT UP!" - Minato

"SUCK A TOADS CHODE OLD MAN!" - Me

"He's all yours." - Minato

"Thank you Hokage-sama." Anko said as she taped my mouth again and cut the rope I hung from.

I landed on my back since I was wriggling. I coming to the conclusion that either the majority of people in the village are assholes, or I'm an asshole... The world may never know.

I won't go through the details of what she did to me, or the questions she asked, so let's just say I was beaten up... Exactly 20 minutes later, she drags me back to Minato and leaves with Orochimaru. Needless to say, his proposals were all rejected.

"How was your date?" Minato asked after removing the silence tag.

"You'll find out soon enough..." I reply in a barely audible voice.

After a moment of awkward silence because of my glaring, Minato asks, "So what did you come here for? I doubt you were just planning to mess with me."

"I want an E and D rank work permit." - Me

"Why?" - Minato

"Do you want to pay for all my and my family's expenses? Just sign off on my permit so I can leave." - Me

"I can't give you a permit until we verify your doc.u.ments." - Minato

"So what am I supposed to do until then? We are broke, basically penniless." - Me

"I'll give your family a month's allowance; it's not enough to splurge but still a little more than enough to cover basic necessities. Only until the verification completes within the next week." - Minato

"Fine, but you better have the permit ready... You know you can use shadow clones to get done quicker right?" - Me (A/N: yeah it's cliched, but it's obvious and needed for my plans)

"... Shut up." - Minato

"Can you untie me so I can leave? Oh, and give the money to Maria; I'll probably end up spending it all." - Me

He did, then more or less kicked me out. I left, dropped by Kushina's, convinced Mina to live in the Uzumaki compound with me when it's built, then slept at Tsume's. Even if Kushina wanted her to stay, her pregnancy would force us away sooner or later.

It became a fairly normal schedule of meeting with the girls, exploring the village, having clones train energy stuff while I train bloodline and racial traits, finally sleeping at Tsume's. There may be a little variation, but I normally did the same thing for the next 11 1/2 days...

Mina's water broke and was taken to give birth at the hospital. With the process being too much for kids to witness, I and the girls were left waiting while Kushina was there the whole time. She was in labor until early the very next day; Uzumaki Karin born June 20 at 2:22 am.

When I heard her name from Kushina, who came out looking like she just received a death sentence, I was stunned. Karin, Sasuke's other groupie; I actually liked her and was planning to save her in place of sauce gay since that prick annoyed me... Don't defend him to me, he literally has Uke in his name...

As for Mina, I don't know if she had the same tragic experience or worse in 'Naruto' since she wasn't a fleshed-out character. However, I do know that she ended up used as a human health kit to death and Karin took her place until she fell in love with duck b.u.t.t, then the snakeman took her in. At least my existence caused something good right?

...Wait, does this mean that I have that human health kit ability too? I checked my bloodline abilities and saw both "Adamantine Chains" & "Heal Bite" listed under Uzumaki. Not that I'm mad, but it's just more things to train now. The chains are a priority since they are good against tailed beasts, and we'll be meeting one in person soon. As for Heal Bite, it should be a good addition to Healing hands.

(BIG CLIFFHANGER) lol