22 – #05. Saint Cecilia (5)

Cecilia told the paladin that I was looking for her, and shortly thereafter she entered my room.

“I heard Seo was looking for me!”

Approaching with a bright voice and a smile.

She seemed too cheerful and friendly on the outside, but I couldn’t accept it as pure favor because I already knew that she had become strange somewhere.

“Cecilia.”

“Yes!”

A very innocent and beautiful woman.

She seems to have just become an adult, and she has the impression that a flower bud is about to bloom. Her lush pink hair, tied in two pigtails, made it look even more so.

“I thought you would finally find me! Sure! I know how much Seo cares for me, and I know how much others love me as well.”

“…… What if I told you to be yours?”

“Yes? What is that…….”

Cecilia looked this way with a blank expression for a moment, then she shook her head vigorously. As she moves, her pink hair flutters from side to side.

“No! How can you do such an embarrassing thing? I just love Seo-nim as much as everyone else. That alone is enough to satisfy me.”

“I can be yours if you want.”

There was still a lot to clear up, but it wasn’t an impossible story.

“Seo is my only… ….”

“There are conditions instead.”

Conditions for discarding all future possibilities.

Cecilia was probably also one of the victims of my fascination, and I saw that I had a considerable influence in the process of preparing her absurd plan.

So I admit that I am becoming her permanent possession.

What she hoped for was atonement.

Of course, she was worried that she couldn’t meet and face other victims, and she kept hearing Neira’s words about moving toward the future.

However, the crusade Cecilia is preparing for happened entirely because of me.

If she had lived a normal life, she would have lived a stable life as a saint of s*xual intercourse, but because she met me, her fascination with faith seemed to be combined and her perception was distorted.

Then, it is also my responsibility to solve it.

“War, quit.”

“Seo?”

“You said you would give me the world. I don’t want that. If you want, I can be yours, and I can only look at you and live. So let’s stop now.”

If this atonement is mine, I can fully bear it.

It was possible to pour water on her affection, and to live entirely for Cecilia. Neira wants me to see the future and live, but she can’t move forward without paying off the karma of the past.

Because karma held me back and gave me no room to move forward.

“Seo Seo.”

Cecilia smiled as she held my hand.

“I just want equal love.”

“Please.”

“Actually, I thought it was strange from before. God will surely lead the world in the right direction, but why is this world always splitting apart, spewing out each other’s desires and conflicting?”

Because that is the instinct of an intelligent body.

Since we cannot share each other’s thoughts, true understanding is impossible. Each person has their own circumstances, and that is why they have desires and goals to achieve.

Understanding everything was just arrogance, so it was an inevitable discrepancy that occurred because they valued themselves more than anything else, judging things from their own perspective rather than understanding each other.

“God said to love and understand everyone. But this world he would have created is not like that.”

“It can’t be helped.”

“Why?”

Cecilia asked as if she really didn’t know why.

“If it goes against God’s will, what is the significance of the creature’s existence? What is the intention of those who disobey the word of God who insists on peace and love?”

“You think that will be solved by me alone?”

“Of course! At least, all women who have seen Seo-nim will open their eyes to the love of God and take refuge, and if that happens, we will be able to unite everyone around s*xual intercourse.”

Talking nonsense.

Religion binds them together? Where do such naive thoughts come from? Could it be that the world will become one if everyone sincerely believes in religion and follows its doctrines?

I realized one thing here.

Cecilia’s trust and faith in her religion were unusually strong, not blind. To the extent that I wondered if my fascination with her faith had mixed with it and developed in this way.

Even if they believe in one religion, they are not one on the inside.

As long as it is an intellectual, it will have its own ideas and values apart from religion, and even those who have the doctrines of religion as their values are in reality confronted or divided due to differences in their understanding.

“That makes no sense.”

“Not really. Or has Seo ever seen such a world? A world in which everyone seeks to understand, share, and love each other in accordance with God’s will.”

Never seen it.

Such a thing did not happen even in modern times, and even in modern times, when war was defined as an evil and a common value throughout society, war broke out.

But that made him even more deny Cecilia’s thoughts.

War has not been eradicated in the end, even in modern times, where there are no fantasy elements such as magic and surnames like in this era, but technically and the basic learning average is far above the average.

There were certain religions that had an impact throughout the world, starting with Christianity, but even those with the same religion were divided into different factions or waged war against each other.

“Let’s end it here.”

“I can’t finish until I see this future.”

“What if I say I don’t want to die?”

At that question, Cecilia smiled brightly.

“It’s okay. Seo-nim must be confused too. It’s a world you’ve never seen before. But I believe that one day Seo-nim will definitely understand!”

I don’t know what to answer because you answered so brightly.

Should we say that violent theories, on the contrary, come from innocence? She seemed to want to save the world with really pure intentions, but her logic was so unconventional that it was devastating.

“I will live only for you. All of my life if you valued me so much. Even if you live in service to everything except the future you desire?”

“Seo’s love has to be equal. To monopolize the love of someone sent by God, isn’t that disrespectful?”

Wouldn’t it be better to dedicate your whole life to it?

Come to think of it, her choice was hers in the first place. She knew that even if she gave her heart to her, she wouldn’t be convinced, but she still did the last deal she tried, was it a failure?

But there is one thing I don’t understand.

Cecilia said that my love should be equal for everyone, but she had never met anyone except her since she was brought here.

She thought at first that she was attracted to the woman and blocking me from giving her room, but with her paladins already all around her, did she worry about that?

At first, there was a bit of a contradiction in her words.

A messenger sent by God who locked me here? It’s nice to call her a saint, but as a result, I’m stuck here and have no choice but to follow her words.

It’s a contradiction.

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Does she really know that everything is out of sync?

“I said love should be equal.”

“Yes, of course!”

“…… Then you will be nothing more than a woman everywhere to me?”

Isn’t that what it means to love everyone equally?

I don’t have the confidence to love a woman I don’t even know, but if I have fair love for anyone, doesn’t that mean I have to treat them all as if I don’t even know their face?

“Seo Seo.”

“That’s right. I’m sorry but I don’t even love people I don’t even know. But, isn’t that what it means to be treated equally?”

“God’s love extends to everyone. I believe that Seo-nim will surely love this world and all those who bear the pitiful karma of mortality…….”

“That is sophistry.”

What I am saying may be sophistry.

However, wasn’t Cecilia herself the one who logically revealed the biggest contradiction?

I don’t want my undivided love, but I won’t let you date other women. Even so, he locked me up and said that all he needed was equal love.

All of that was a contradiction.

“Are you really satisfied with equal love? In my opinion….”

“I want to be someone special?”

At that moment, her voice fell flat.

It’s not a lively voice like it was a moment ago, but it’s so low that it feels like it’s sticky as it sweeps around my ear.

After that answer, Cecilia had no way to check her expression by lowering her head slightly, but the slight trembling of her body felt somehow awkward.

“You say the same thing.”

“What?”

“That girl and Seo-sama have the same idea. Say the same thing I didn’t understand at all, and I didn’t even try to understand. Do you already share all of her thoughts with the white girl?”

What are you talking about?

When you say white girl, do you mean Lenny?

“What did you hear?”

“Me!!”

A voice that broke the stillness.

“I just wanted to change this world infested with desire. I hated the world where someone sacrificed, and I wanted to save the world where people were just greedy because they couldn’t understand their own self-interest, and those who didn’t even try to understand God’s words and just entrusted themselves to their instincts.”

She shouted with her head down.

I couldn’t believe that she was the usual bright person, and even if she was a saint who cared for everyone with kindness, I couldn’t believe it. With a voice like that.

“There are so many disgusting things in this world. It just feels to me like a snobbish corpse prowling around with no empathy, no faith, no faith, no charity, no even responsibility.”

God who sings love.

She couldn’t understand that a saintess who worshiped a god in the highest place who encouraged us to cherish and respect each other would say this.

Usually, she always only showed a bright side, and she only said that she believed in others. She never dreamed that she was thinking this way.

“Everyone is greedy without taking responsibility for their actions. That is why those who claim to be intelligent are bound to be torn to pieces, and there are too many ignorant people who mistake themselves for being smart and just eat them like piglets.”

So, did you want to unite the entire world with the main axis of s*xual intercourse?

For that, did you need the power to forcibly subjugate the emotions of others?

“I have seen many tragedies in the world, and right now there is no sign that the tragedies will end. I wanted to change that world, and I believed Seo would understand that.”

“Cecilia.”

“Why are you saying the same thing as a girl like that?”

Cecilia called Lenny a girl and frowned.

I don’t know what happened between them, but she wasn’t feeling too well.

She seemed to have exploded emotionally, and the ups and downs were so severe, and above all, her tears welled up in her eyes as if they were about to pour out.

Time passed just like that.

I couldn’t answer her words. She just stared at me with a blank expression and pursed her lips without speaking.

“Yes.”

Cecilia was the first to break the curtain.

“That girl was the problem.”

“Cecilia?”

“That white little boy bewitched Seo. Otherwise, there is no way Seo-nim wouldn’t understand me. There is no way that you, who had all of us with kindness, would not understand me.”

Putting aside the word benevolent, first of all, Cecilia’s mood was strange.

As if right now…….

“Don’t worry. I will deal with that demon.”

“Wait, Cecilia. At there.”

“That was the whole problem. It must have been the devil’s whisper that left us, right? The fact that Seo doesn’t look after me, and the fact that he lost his love for the world.”

She turned her back without even listening.

She instinctively reached out her hand and tried to grab her shoulder, but her hand couldn’t keep up with her sudden movement and just stirred the air around her.

“Cecilia! Wait, listen to me!”

At that moment, a paladin who was guarding Cecilia’s back grabbed me by the scruff of my neck, and I moved to shake off him, shouting her name continuously, but without stopping, I left her room.

“Don’t touch Lenny! Me, Cecilia! Stand there!!”

A cry echoes through the room.

A place where there is no one to tell.

Then the paladin also saw that her saintess had completely left, sat me in her chair, and left the room. In the end, I was left alone again.

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Did you make a mistake?

I know something is wrong, but what am I supposed to do here?

“…… Cecilia.”

The curse of fascination ruined everything.

None of this would have happened if I hadn’t met Cecilia. Neira had told me not to beat myself up, but going through these incidents made me hate myself again.

But Lenny was truly an irrelevant child.

She was just a child I reaped through my greed, and since fascination didn’t work, I just took care of her impulsively.

If you don’t even allow that.

If my sins were to attack even the innocent Lenny, I had no choice but to act in order not to add to the guilt.

Because my shoulders are already too heavy with the mistakes of the past.

If you add Lenny’s life to this, it seemed that at that time she really couldn’t stand it and would slowly crumble from her knees.

She turned her head slightly.

A small knife for cutting meat.

I didn’t think of it as a weapon because I knew I couldn’t beat a paladin with just that little thing, but in this situation, for the first time, it seemed like something completely different.

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