Re:Menma A Multiverse Harem Story

Well maybe I didn't arrive quite yet, I can see the gates distantly though. A minor change that happened was my original 6 person group became 8 a few days back. We made a stop in a crater town, one of the places Naruto visited with Jiraiya. I warped to Eos and summoned both Aisaka Taiga and Himawari to come along with us. I had to pay a bit extra to the guards and carriage driver to allow it. I felt bad keeping them in my inventory even if they have no recollection of being in there.

There might be some reasons not to summon them, but this way I didn't have to explain why someone randomly showed up in the village.

They have some sort of security system that flags chakra signatures or something, I never quite understood it, so summoning them inside the barrier might set it off.

The girls were both near tears after summoning due to their original situations, Taiga was in PE and had just gotten her nose bloodied with a ball, Himawari was visiting her cousin's grave with her mom, and the next moment they are in front of some red haired kid in the middle of nowhere. The shock they felt was normal, so was their urge to scream. That's when the system mind control hits and only Taiga calm down a bit, she took a deep breath after understanding the situation.

Himawari proceeds to cry a while since she's still a toddler and was taken from her mom. Taiga's eyes were still a little watery, but it was because of the pain in her nose. I proceeded to explain a bit of the Naruto world to her while Himawari helped but was a bit off since she's from the future. I had already checked with Kaede and Maria to make sure they had their Identification doc.u.ments on hand, it was one of the things I asked to be given to everyone I summon as a request on the list I gave to the gods.

I was a bit worried because I didn't get any notification about doc.u.ments being added and didn't see the girls carrying anything either. Once Kaede mentioned their personal inventory, I had her confirm she had it stored. The backgrounds that they had were mostly daughters of poor people or orphans who are now engaged to me, Kaede had a look of shock and terror on her face, I made sure to take a picture.

The doc.u.ments Taiga and Himawari had said the same, only Maria's said 'Personal Maid'. I checked my own but it was blank, the system said I had to register my own information. I thought for a while and had my name as Uzumaki D Menma. Deceased parents (died with Mina's Husband), born on a border town between lightning and frost countries. It had s bunch of random bullshit that I asked Sys to randomize.

Fuu and Ajisai both had pretty incriminating doc.u.ments so I had them registered as being adopted by Maria in frost country, I had to pay system $20 to do it. The only reason it even cost money is because it will spawn legitimate doc.u.ments confirming the information listed at the country of origin. My expenses brought me down to $1,052 system bucks, and 113,000 ryo. I hope the ryo is enough to rent a decent house for now, I'll buy a big plot of land when Kurama destroys part of the village. I can't afford to buy a house only for it to be gone so soon... I'm not an asshole, just poor.

A few weeks had gone by since I summoned Taiga and Hima, they were enjoying the sights along the way. By the time we got to Konoha I spent another 2,000 ryo... We are now in line behind a few others waiting to enter. I have to say, this place is way bigger than I expected, I usually just imagine it being the size of the one in games, but damn was I wrong.

The baby duo were being fussy so Maria released the kraken to feed them... I glared at them, those are mine, but I'll share for now. It was finally our turn, we took our doc.u.ments out and stepped off the carriage. The pair of shinobi at the gate aren't the same ones that were always shown, kind of a letdown, but then again they should only be about 12 or so. The process should have been simple but with two of us named Uzumaki, they had someone pass along the information.

We were taken to a holding room I never saw in the anime, it's not for prisoners or anything since they gave us juice and snacks... maybe that's just the juice talking. Himawari got sleepy so she got a l.a.p pillow from Kaede, I got jealous so I asked Taiga for one and got denied. I lay my head on Dogmeat instead, the traitor w.h.i.n.es and I end up just laying on the floor instead.

It's been about 30 minutes since we got here and they are just now calling us out. I thought we were free to go but they are sending us to the hokage building now. They must love to throw curveballs because as I was thinking we were going to the hokage's office, the send us to a conference room. I had to hold back the urge to fanboy out seeing all the people in the room, they either invited every major clan head or were in a meeting already.

I was bummed that Kushina wasn't here though, it's probably protective measures or something. The whole room was quiet, so I put the goofiest smile on my face and greet them, "Yo, I'm Uzumaki D Menma. 3 years old, here to join konoha with my wives to get stronger and get more wives! So that I can be the next Uzukage!".

That eased to mood a bit, even Fugaku smirked, but stick up his a.s.s Hiashi and the mummy just stared at me like an idiot. There were a few I didn't recognize but that must be cuz they died, Hiruzen is here too, his brown hair is kinda balding. "Ho, and why don't you want to be Hokage instead?" Hiruzen Asked.

"That's easy, the Hokage seat is probably the most cursed Kage seat there is. 3 Great shinobi wars, 2 dead Kage so far, the Madara incident, and who knows what else I don't know about. Not only that, but I don't like that squinty eyed mummy, he looks like he'll be alive for a long time and probably fight to keep me from taking the seat." I responded before turning to Danzo and continuing.

"You're crippled, you should step down from whatever position you have... Why do you look like you haven't pooped in weeks? Is your face melted? Do you still have your right eye? Can I see it? What about your arm, is it missing the hand or fingers? How do you wipe your ass? Can you even help during an emergency?... you're really ugly." I speed ranted at him.

Nobody had a chance to even get a word in or stop me. Hiruzen and most of the others were holding back their laughter, but Minato, Tsume and Shikaku couldn't hold back their laughter. Danzo stood up, opened his creepy little eye and glared at me. "Watch how you speak to your elders boy, my body may not be as I used to be, but I still do anything and everything I can for Konoha." He spoke with an angry tone.

"You may be my elder, but why should I show you respect when as soon as you saw me you had that look on your face as if I fed you dog shit?!? I hope you lose your other eye so you finish bandaging up the rest of your ugly face you old creepy geezer!" I barked back.

I would have normally just shut up and let it go but my body was reacting strongly for some reason, I wanted blood, flesh, organs, it was a hunger I couldn't calm. It took everything I had not to start biting people. I take a deep breath and calm my self. I look towards everyone else "I apologize to you all, except him. I'm usually calm, I'm just hungry right now." I bow.

Danzo just scoffed and sat back down, the atmosphere is back to being a bit heavy. At least for a while until the sound of liquid hitting cloth was heard. Dogmeat had snuck away from Hima sometime during the argument. I started recording the glorious moment he lifted his leg and let loose his golden justice.

The only one who payed attention to him the whole time was the Inuzuka clan head, Tsume, she wasn't sure what he was up to, but it seemed pretty smart and seeing him doing a commando crawl meant it was gonna be great. Tsume bursts out in laughter as soon as the leg was lifted, everyone looked at her like she was crazy for doing so since Danzo was pissed... and now literally so.

The sound of piss instantly caused them to find the source. Danzo looked down as he heard and felt it hitting him, Dogmeat looked back up at him with a smug dog smirk on his face. I almost thought he was Iggy from JJBA. Danzo grabs the dog before it could run and chucked it out the window. Nobody could stop him, not like we needed to... I'm still furious though, the yelp he let out as he disappeared in the distance was painful to hear.

"What the hell is your problem? You didn't need to kill the dog dammit!" Yelled Tsume. Hiruzen shocked at his friends actions, "The dog was just playing with you, you went too far this time Danzo."

Danzo not even trying to defend himself sits back down stone faced. I lunged at the old f.u.c.k "YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!". My swift bloodline activates instinctively and I arrived in front of him to unleash my 3 stage Hwechook, which is in essence a triple roundhouse kick to the left, right, and back of the head. Nobody was expecting my speed, especially not Danzo, but he still intercepted it. I spit at his now open eye which managed to connect.

He's still sitting so his movement was slightly restricted, I spun and tried to back hand him but got slammed down into the ground by a pair of Anbu. That should have been the end but a hand on my back made me completely lose my shit, I release my kagune into three tails and stab at Danzo and the pair. Both Anbu jumped away with nothing more than a cut, but Danzo was stabbed through his shoulder. I knew it was a bullshit substitution, which the poof and log confirm, but this was enough to satisfy my anger for now.

The short scuffle started and ended pretty fast so there were no others joining in to stop me, they would have if I attacked with killing intent. I sit down in his seat and speak, "The mighty cripple ran away from a 3 year old boy, so I win right, I have whatever position he did? Hahaha!" I forgot my Kakugan activates every time my RC cells do, so I looked creepy as hell laughing with my tails and eyes as they are. Fugaku had his sharingan activated from the moment I lunged to keep up with my speed so he noticed my eyes before others did.

"Your eyes aren't the sharingan, and you aren't just an Uzumaki, so what clans are you from? Are you a Jinchuuriki?" Fugaku asked. Hiashi had already scanned me with his Byakugan but dismissed the Jinchuuriki idea, he did raise an eyebrow though. Must have been because of the ghoul organ, a kakuhou, which is located near my tailbone.

"Eyes?... Oh, yeah, it's called Kakugan, it doesn't really do much but signify that I'm using my tails, or that I'm insanely hungry... in this case it's both. I'm not a Jinchuuriki, the tails and eyes are a Kekkai Genkai I guess. As for what I'm mixed with, there's a bunch of crap so let's not get into that. Let's talk about what official position I just won?" I replied, I lost myself a moment so I need to act my part.

"Interesting, can I get a sample of your blood?" Creepy a.s.s Orochimaru was here? F.u.c.k!

"No, I hate males, needles and medicine... and squinty eyed mummies now too." I responded with a shiver going down my spine as I turned towards his pale a.s.s creeping out the shadows next to Danzo on the other side of the room.

"I'm sorry about what happened to your dog, maybe Tsume can let you get one of the civilian puppies they sell." Minato says as he looks to Tsume for confirmation.

"There's no need cuz Dogmeat isn't dead, he's special. He should be back here soon." I replied. As if on cue there was a scratching at the door, Himawari opened it and picked the puppy up, "Told ya".

"Then why did you attack Danzo even though you knew he was fine?" A random clan head asked.

"Cuz he didn't know, he threw my dog out the window to kill it, fully believing that it would die, and didn't you hear his yelp as he flew away? Even though he would survive, he still feels pain." I reply and turn to Minato, "I won his job right?".

I kept changing the subject to delay them and find out why I feel an unbearable hunger. "No, but maybe we can give you something else as an apology. I must admit, while impulsive, you were impressive nonetheless. Besides his job, what would you like?" Hiruzen asked in place of Minato. Perfect, now I can pretend to think about it.

'Sys, what the hell happened? Why do I feel so starved even after that snack, I thought the ghoul side effects were gone?' I asked

{That is a side effect of your Evo ability having been upgraded. You never felt it too much on earth, but you must have had a few times you wanted to eat a human as soon as you met, even if the urge wasn't as bad. That was your ability smelling an ability or bloodline nearby to consume. With it now upgraded, the urge is much more pronounced, your nose is much more s.e.n.s.i.t.i.v.e now so the fact that you are in a room packed with so many bloodlines made it go haywire.} Answered Sys

Damn, luckily I controlled myself otherwise I would have been killed. At least this doubled as a test to see if I could remove his arm and eye before he resets with izanagi. Sure I might not know any jutsu but I had crazy speed. I underestimated how strong he really is... I still hate him, not cuz of the story but as a person, I will respect that strength a bit though... Now what should I ask for?

"I want Danzo's house... no wait, his house probably smells like old dry a.s.s and mold. I want a different house instead, a big one so I can have a big family, my mom told me to have lots of wives and kids so I'm gonna do that. Oh, I want some milk too!" I replied with a smile. The Hanma bloodline sharpened and strengthened my teeth a bit so they are kind of chilling to see on a toddler.

Danzo was about to yell when he heard I wanted his house but stayed quiet and took the insults like a champ when I changed my mind. Tsume nods her head in agreement as she probably smelled the same thing I did.

"We can't just gift you a house for free, maybe we can give you a discount though." Said Haruno Mebuki, Sakura's mom. I have no idea why she's here.

"Does it come with insurance?" I ask knowing that this might draw attention to me when the kyuubi rampage happens but I'm risking it for a cheaper house, it might survive if I'm lucky enough. Mebuki raises an eyebrow at that, so I add "My dad always said to make sure I have insurance when I buy stuff in case something goes wrong, so I want insurance. I don't trust the cyclops to not destroy my house."

Danzo has been gritting and grinding his teeth ever since he had to use a substitution jutsu. Utatane Koharu just agreed with the insurance request by saying "I'll contact the realtors later to make an appointment for you to look at a few of the houses".

I have no idea who told the secretary to bring me a glass of milk. She set it down in front of me, and I just stared at it. "Is there something wrong with it?" The secretary asked.

"I don't want this..." I look up and point at Tsume, "I want her milk, I could smell her since I came into the room. Her milk smells so good, I want some." I finish saying.

The room got quiet, Tsume stared at me and I stared back with pleading puppy eyes, every Inuzuka woman's weakness. We stared for a few minutes in complete silence, "Fine, but only because my pup isn't due for another month and my b.r.e.a.s.ts hurt." She said... she's pretty blunt.

Oh hell yeah, I'm beaming like someone who won the lottery. Tsume is s.e.xy, I don't give a damn what anyone says. I couldn't help but jump on the table and dance like FamousAmos in his ambulance skit. Sys playing the same song "I bet U won't" made me get further immersed in it. I even "Put em in a coffin" in front of Danzo... My childish side is way too random and gives me a headache.

Everyone stared at me as I danced while a few laughed and clapped to my skills. My elation was under control when the song ended. I felt embarrassed for the first time, I don't like it. I pushed it to the side eventually and ask "Why did we need to wait in a holding area then brought here instead of being free to roam?"

Everyone looked at Minato with varying gazes of approval or apprehension in the case of Danzo. Minato looked at each of them before closing his eyes a moment, he opens his eyes and says, "Since Uzushiogakure was utterly destroyed, we heard almost no news about survivors. The news we did hear were about most becoming bandits to get some kind of revenge on other villages by targeting genins.

We assumed others escaped and abandoned their names to live as farmers or hunters out in the country sides, but we don't know for sure. We didn't have any Uzumaki come here since, so with two arriving made us quite relieved. We were prepared to help you rebuild your clan and cement a permanent place here in Konoha for you to thrive. We also have one Uzumaki here that will be quite ecstatic to meet you."

I guessed their original intent but wasn't expecting the offer help rebuild the clan. I look at him, "There's 3 or technically 4 Uzumaki here though, Mina is an Uzumaki, she was one of the survivors that abandoned their names. She's been with me since day 1 and recently lost her husband so she became unresponsive ever since. She's pregnant so that's another one, besides Hima and yours truly." I say while gesturing to the girls.

Minato was in an even better mood until I mentioned her husband. He lightly bowed his head, "I'm sorry for your loss." The others followed his lead. He looked back up "How about you join konoha instead of trying to rebuild Uzushio? Though we are allies, we wouldn't be able to provide support fast enough if you were attacked again." He said genuinely concerned.

"Hmmm, can I build my clan manor on top of the Hokage mountain? This way I can pretend to be the Uzukage looking down at my village? If I can then ok we'll stay, I'm not gonna be Hokage though, not even if there's a fire." I say stifling a chuckle, too bad nobody got it.

Minato looks towards Hiruzen and the other elders, the old people whisper amongst themselves before Mitokado Homura the only one of the elders that hadn't said anything aloud thus far speaks, "We can grant you a plot of land to start, but only enough to build a main house, small branch house or courtyard, and underground area as long as it does not breach the emergency shelters."

This was far more than I expected, I attack a freaking elder council member in front of the heads of each clan and the hokage, but get rewarded a plot of land and drink Tsume's milk? I'm not gonna turn it down but I gotta make sure of something, 'Sys is the plot armor still active?' I ask

{Yes, the harem protagonist plot armor is still active until you sleep in the village for the first time. Should you try to cheat and stay awake, it will still be removed within 24 hours of having arrived.} Responded Sys... what the f.u.c.k...

'What the f.u.c.k?! Why is the plot armor I have meant for harem protagonists?' I asked. Sure I want a harem but what the hell is with that logic behind that?

{You were granted the harem armor because this is a dangerous world, had you received the one like most shonen protagonists, you would have suffered a lot along the way. Strong enemy encounters, curses, torture, and various other dangers, you would survive it all but the scars left on your psyche would linger and change who you are on a deeper level. With the Harem armor, you met Mina in your first day and saved her, if you had something else she would be dead.

You have even benefited quite a bit when you got rewarded hero summons, hero summons are actually uncommon rather than what you experienced. The only one that gives you 1 or more guaranteed heroes is the new world pack or character pack, instead of the random and rare chances in other packs. You would have received more skills, weapons, and other items with an shonen type armor, but you would have scarred.} Replied Sys...

Well shit, the harem armor was actually the best choice in this situation. I'm glad the gods thought about that aspect rather than just toss me here to suffer. 'Thank you' I hope they get the message. Now where was I... oh yeah agreeing to the plot of land.

"Yeah, that sounds awesome! Where can I find people to build the house? I don't need to buy that other house now so can I get a discount on materials and insurance on the house I want built?" I replied while making myself bounce in excitement.

"We'll leave that for later, I'll send someone to contact the lumberyard, the architect and the building companies to help you plan it out tomorrow. So aside from that, are you up to meeting the other Uzumaki here?" Said Minato

"Yes, my grandpa told me to come here so I can marry Ku-something and rebuild the clan with her. He also told me that all the major clans in konoha are distantly related so in a sense we are all family. Senju, Uchiha, Hyuga, and Uzumaki, we are all related to a pair of brothers from a long time ago!" I spout bullshit from another nonexistent family member.

My ramblings stunned most of them, but didn't really believe it. "Ah, you can't marry her, she's already married to someone." Said Minato

"Who is the limp d.i.c.k bastard that stole my fiancé?!? DOGMEAT, you're gonna be eating a tiny sausage and eggs soon!" I yell out

The room bursts out in laughter even Danzo smirked while thinking something along the lines of "now you got a taste of his medicine". Tsume bursts out, "Yeah Minato, who is the limp d.i.c.k home wrecker than stole his fiancée?Hahaha!" Minato goes a bit red in the face as he waits for the laughter to die down.

"I'm the one that married her. So she's off the market, find somebody else to marry." He said

"I was starting to like you too... Now I find out you stole my girl? I'll just wait, like I said, the hokage seat is cursed, you are young so maybe it hasn't hit you yet. Once it does I'll marry her and you can't stop me." I reply as I give him the stink eye.

"Fine, if I die, you can marry her." He replied jokingly.

"You all heard it, this is the hokage decree! If he doesn't die from the curse by the time I graduate from the academy, I'll fight him for her instead!" I loudly said to everyone in the room. I was gonna do everything I could think of to make sure Kushina survives. It was heartless of me to let her go through what I knew was going to happen, but it had to happen as close to the canon as possible.

The future of this world is too dependent on Naruto and his destiny for me to change the timeline as I please, even his plot armor should have its limits in course correcting. Most of the things I asked for were basic and shouldn't really affect the way it progresses much.

They laugh while agreeing that they heard it me ranting. Fugaku a bit bothered asks "What did you mean by the clans being related?" Hiashi, and Orochimaru perk their ears up a bit.

"Exactly What I said, the relation go like this, Senju and Uzumaki are the most closely related due to being descendant from Otsutsuki Ashura who is the brother of Otsutsuki Indra, the Uchiha Ancestor. Both of them are children of Otsutsuki Hagoromo who is the Sage of Six Paths. He is the twin brother of Otsutsuki Homura, the equally distant ancestor of the Hyuga. That about as simple as I can make it." I replied as I fix my imaginary glasses.

"That's quite a story you grandpa told you, but that's all it is, a story. Had it been real more people should have known about it." Hiashi speaks, what a surprise.

"i don't care whether you believe it or not, it's the truth, grandpa Kishimoto was never wrong so if he said it is, then it is... psst, your a Hyuga right, can you peek at the ladies with your Byakugan?" I whispered the last part trying to get some kind of comical reaction.

...I was completely disgusted, he blushed like hinata does in the anime. Tsume had heard my question so she paid just as much attention, I wonder if she's the type to spread rumors. He didn't reply directly and just changed subjects to hide what I assume is shame.

"When are we gonna go meet my stolen fiancée?" I ask Minato

"Oh, I almost forgot. Haha, we can go right now if you want." He replied

"Alright, cuz I want to go to the bathhouse, maybe I can find more pretty girls to marry me... speaking of pretty girls, can I go sleep at your house tonight?" I said before asking Tsume

She growled a bit, not in a s.e.xy way but it was still s.e.xy to me. "Fine as long as you're not loud. I'll tag along with you then I'll bring you to my den." She agreed, HAREM ARMOR FTW!!!!

There were a few other formalities that needed to be taken care of but we decided to leave it for tomorrow. The meeting was dismissed and everyone eventually dispersed. Danzo tried to stay behind to cause trouble but Minato instantly shot him down with a glare. Minato, Tsume and my group walk through town as they show us the best places along the way.

Ichiraku's is bustling even now, I don't know if it's just Teuchi working the stall or if his wife is there too. Along the way I was conversing with Sys about a few things that I can work into my plans, as for what, it doesn't matter too much at the moment. A few minutes later we arrive at a small apartment, it wasn't shabby, but rather cozy instead. I had already talked to the girls especially Himawari to not let them know she is their grandchild.

We walk into the apartment and go to the living room were the sound of a tv was heard. Sitting on a recliner was Kushina laughing at the some shinobi prank show, it looked pretty interesting to be honest. She was so focused on the show that she didn't realize we entered. Minato chuckled, "Honey, we have company."

Kushina was surprised by the voice behind her and spilled her bag of ch.i.p.s all over herself. "No!! My limited edition peanut butter and pickle flavored ch.i.p.s! I had to fight Chōza's cousin for these, do you know how hard it is to get ch.i.p.s before an Akimichi? I had to pull the pregnant lady card and fake tears saying that I would complain to you Dattebane!" She yelled at Minato

"Ah, sorry, I'll buy you a box full tomorrow. For now come here, meet the new Uzumakis of Konoha. Menma, Mina, and Himawari, the others aren't Uzumaki but they are in the family, Kaede, Maria, Taiga, Fuu, and Ajisai..." Dogmeat wanted to be included so he let out a bark, "and this little guy is Dogmeat. Everyone this is Uzumaki-Namikaze Kushina, my wife."

Kushina had been busy staring at the scattered ch.i.p.s, but once she heard Minato mention Uzumaki she turned around. Ah began tearing up when she saw us and ran over to the group. "Mina...Mina! I'm so glad you're alive! Where have you been? I've missed you so much!" She hugged Mina and cried into her shirt collar.

For the first time since she lost her husband, Mina finally had a reaction. Her brows scrunch up as tears began to well up, she lets out a heart wrenching wail as she hugs Kushina back clinging to her shirt with tightly clenched fists. We all just let them cry it out, well we would have if Mina didn't start to collapse, both Minato and I rush to hold her up... I felt as useful as Kurenai looked when the jonins kept Neji from landing a final blow on Hinata during the chunin exams.

Minato takes her to the bedroom and lays her down. I guess I can't exactly speak to Kushina at the moment, cuz she is staying in bed with Mina until she wakes up. I have Maria and the babies stay back so she could take care of them and any emergencies. Minato had to head back to hokage hell, signing doc.u.ments, so we had Tsume lead the way to the hot spring bathhouse.

Me, Taiga, Kaede, Hima, and Tsume continue our journey, Dogmeat had chosen to stay with Mina. I am skipping my a.s.s off in excitement, I'm still 3 so I can enter with the girls hehehe. "Hey, your name is Tsume right? Can I call you Tsume-nee?" I ask, but she just replied with "Whatever".

We eventually arrive and enter the building. Tsume paid after getting Taiga to pass as a 10 year old, the rest of us were free to enter since we were so young and with an a.d.u.l.t. We head to the changing room and dress down into a towel. Taiga was the most reserved as she was almost an a.d.u.l.t in age and knew I was originally about the same age (the years in limbo don't count dammit).

I burst through the curtains into the holy land... I almost went blind as a group of shamelessly n.a.k.e.d elderly ladies were on their way out. They didn't just walk past me in my stupor, they began to fawn over me and pinch my cheeks. They saw the scar on my shoulder and assumed it was just a playground injury, saying things like "oh poor baby, that must have hurt". Kaede and Hima giggled but didn't escape the handsy old ladies once they took notice.

After a few minutes they leave us alone and almost all the remaining women are a young to middle age. I will lock that image away to use as a genjutsu against Jiraiya or Hiruzen. Tsume and already gone to rinse her body in the shower before soaking in the water. I rinsed myself and kept going up to different girls to ask them to marry me. They all turned me down so I just continued having fun.

After getting tired of swimming, I sat down next to Tsume, "Tsume-nee, you're really pretty, are you married, do want to marry me?" I ask, the girls just shake their heads seeing me scheming again. She stared at me in an amused way and chose to indulge me.

"No I'm not married, not anymore, he couldn't handle being dominated during mating season so he ran off to be with a civilian outside the village. Why do you even want to marry so many girls, let alone me, can you even handle them?" She mocked

I stood up, drag a couple boxes from the corner of the room. I climb to the very top and stand like a super hero, "My grandma always said that I would be the ideal lover! That I had something special that would bring all girls to their knees with a single pump! Blessed by the heavens since birth! Women of Konoha! I am here! Behold, my great dragon!" My yells attracted everyone's attention.

I rip the towel off from my waist, and stay in my hero stance. The women were shocked at my brazen flashing, but the bombshell was the a.d.u.l.t python hanging from hairless toddler. It was just too conflicting with the norm that they couldn't look away. I might have went too far, since I exposed myself and forgot about the children. If the system could award titles, I would probably be given "Innocent Corruptor".

I quickly climbed down and sit back down next to Tsume as Kaede and Himawari confusedly stare at me, Taiga on the other hand is madly blushing from seeing her first p.e.n.i.s. Tsume laughs at the reactions we all showed, "That was quite a scene you caused hahaha! Fine, if you're serious about marrying me, you have to beat me in a fight first. I have already married a weakling because of clan elders. I will only marry an alpha that can make me submit. Are you up for the challenge?" She said

I'm really gonna miss this armor, or maybe that's just how she is. "Just you wait! I'll beat you even if I take so long you get wrinkly! I'll just find a way to make you young!" I say and look at her with pure determination.

"It's a deal, I'll be waiting then. Just don't let me get too wrinkly hahaha." She joked, but I will come knocking sooner or later.

We spent a good while soaking and joking around, I was about to suggest we leave when I noticed a new arrival. I go up to her and run my hand through my hair as I say in a smooth tone "Hey baby, you come here often? How would you like to go on a date with me on the swing set? I'll buy you sweets, maybe we can even be a little naughty and hold hands."

The girl was confused about how to respond, she just ignored me and tried to walk past. I couldn't just let her go so I grab her hand, the harem armor instantly activated, which led to a bar of soap suddenly appearing under her foot. She slips and brings me down with her, I'm lucky it wasn't a Yuuki Rito style fall or I would probably be killed. She was gonna hit her head on the hard floor so I cradle her head. As we crashed, her head bounced off my arms and we ended up kissing.

This shouldn't have been too bad of a problem but after being stuck in limbo for so long and getting this kind of stimulation was a bit too much for me. The girl I kissed is Mitarashi Anko, she should be 11-12 right now. I had gone so long without a kiss, and instantly being tossed into kissing Anko, in nothing but towels, in a bathhouse with a bunch of other n.a.k.e.d women all staring at us...Simply put, I got hard as f.u.c.k...

I get up and can't even try to explain, my ever so defiant rogue soldier was trying to pierce the heavens again. I don't think Anko will ever look at snakes the same way judging by her eyes zoned in on the monster. Tsume who was watching the whole thing decides to tease us, *Whistle* "Get a room you two, there are children here, or can it be that you like having an audience?" Her teasing riled up the other ladies soon who began hooting and cheering.

I ran off, I was not gonna risk getting beaten up for that. I grab my clothes and run down the street n.a.k.e.d before I realized that I didn't know the way to the Inuzuka compound. I have an internal debate until I decide to go back and hide somewhere while keeping the entrance in sight. It took me longer to return as I kept sneaking around corners with an eye peeled for sightings of Anko.

My attention span is pretty short when I'm not actively doing anything so I start walking l.a.p.s around the building. Halfway through my first l.a.p I hear a scratching sound and chuckling.

"Damn, that kid was a goldmine of inspiration! He is the perfect person to base my spin-off protagonist on... Hoohoo, As always, Konoha is filled with such soft bodied women that I hate having to leave. The only other place that even comes close is Kumo with the variety of flavors." A very iconic voice spoke in a goofy tone.

Super pervert Jiraiya is in Konoha!?! I have to f.u.c.k with him hehehe. "Hey! My wives are in there you pervert! You like looking at n.a.k.e.d kids?!? POLICE, HELP!!!" I yell out in a serious manner.

I heard screams coming from the other side of the wall. Jiraiya seemed pretty experienced as he hid his notebook in the blink of an eye. He turned to look at me, "Dammit brat! You ruined my research gathering, not only that, but what the hell do you mean liking n.a.k.e.d kids? You trying to get me killed, ruin my reputation, or both? I look at s.e.xy ladies with bon kyu bon figures exclusively!" He yelled aloud as if pained by injustice.

"All the ladies in there are my wife candidates, so you can't see them! Let's get out of here first, there should be someone showing up soon. Hurry up, I'm still hiding from someone in there." Then continued, "Tsume-nee, I'll meet you at your house!" Calling out as I begin to run down the street once again. Jiraiya had snapped out of it once I was halfway down the street.

I was jealous since he took to the rooftops rather than dodging the people on the street. We ended up in an alley a short distance away from Ichiraku ramen. "Brat, you better give me compensation for disrupting my research!" Demanded Jiraiya.

"Pfft, why should I? What do I get out of it? I could just walk away right now and I wouldn't be losing a single thing." I bluffed, I still need him to guide me to the Inuzuka compound or I'll need to find another way there.

"Ruin my fun and ask for a reward? Pretty ballsy of you, fine I'll play along, what do you want then?" He asked

"I want two copies of every book you ever wrote, autographed. I also want to be regarded as your disciple, if you do this, I'll give you a treasure trove of 'research', the likes of which this world has never seen." I reply with a devilish smile.

"Fine, but only if this treasure really exists." He thought I was bluffing. Hell, I would too if a kid told me the same thing.

'Sys, I want to buy a tablet fully loaded with gravure and p.o.r.n. It should only play videos, have it be waterproof, nearly unbreakable and chargeable with chakra.' This was best thing I could think of, it should be more than enough.

{A tablet with your specifications will be discounted and cost $232. Since almost all other features were removed, the tablet now has over 2 terabytes of videos installed. Would you like to confirm the purchase?} - Sys

Holy shit, I kinda want one for myself now... I lol wait for now. I'm glad I had Sys ask for confirmation ever since Mina's expensive a.s.s clothes incident. I complete the purchase and pretend to pull the tablet from my jacket. "As promised, the greatest treasure trove unknown to man, THE TABLET OF 1000 DREAMS!" I yell as I hold up a candy painted red tablet with a black pineapple logo.

"Shitty brat, you want to bribe me with a red painted wooden tablet?!? I'm leaving, there's another good place to peep from." He said turning to leave.

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong, this isn't made of wood, and it's true worth lies in what it has stored within." I turn it on, "Take a look, does wood light up like this?" It was pretty fast in booting up, I selected a video with someone cosplaying as Tsunade. "Though it's not the original, it's as close as you'll ever get." His eyes glued to the screen.

The video started with the girl drinking sake in a bar. She eventually got drunk and stumbled outside. The scene changes to a couple guys standing outside a building, the girl shows up and gets surrounded by the men. She gets dragged into a nearby alley where she starts getting groped. In typical p.o.r.n fashion she quickly begins to enjoy it and starts losing herself in l.u.s.t. As her robes are ripped open, she is fully exposed to the men who grope her even more fiercely, "Come on boys, who's gonna fill up this hot, dripping wet c.u.n.t with their hard c.o.c.ks?"... I paused the video as she spreads her lips in an inviting way.

I hold up the perfectly paused screen towards Jiraya, "I guess you really don't want it, maybe I'll give it to Hiruzen, he should appreciate it right." I said as I turn to leave.

The bluff was obviously super effective, his eyes looked like they were about to pop out of socket. "F.U.C.K! Come back! I accept! This is truly a treasure worthy of praise! Where did you get this, in all my travels I have never seen anything close to this level of technology?!? You know what, I don't care where it came from, just give it here!" He said and began groveling towards the end.

"Here" I toss it, I had to record his figure as he leapt towards the flying tablet. He yelled out while in the air "Are you insane?!?"... I wanted to roll on the floor and laugh but I fought the urge since I had just bathed. "Don't worry, it's water proof, and nearly unbreakable. As to how much I have no idea. I gave him the wireless earbuds that came included, this is so you can hear it more clearly... Now, don't you think you need to give me something as your disciple?" I said as I chuckled at his Gollum-like antics.

"Fine, I'll treat you to a meal and you teach me how to use this tablet of 1000 dreams. This scroll has a dozen copies of each book, all of them pre-signed, and a few of my failed or incomplete manuscripts. From now on you are my disciple, but I won't teach you until you learn to walk on water and use 3 jutsu other than the academy jutsu." He was trying to delay teaching me anything until so I might forget.

"Make sure you tell people. Gotta make it official, or I'll find a way to take the tablet back" I threaten as we walk to Ichiraku ramen. I hit on Ayane and asked her out, but since she was close to my age she accepted what could be considered a play date... we set it for a few days later. I can say the ramen was pretty good, but kind of a let down after the way it was hyped up all over the place. It could also be because human flesh tastes better than pork... not gonna say that aloud though.

Jiraiya instantly mastered use of the tablet, motivation and limited features helped a ton. He explained a few extra things about chakra to me and gave me a manual on the basics like the leaf technique and directing the flow. Some of what he said differed slightly from what Kaede taught me, but the general idea was mostly the same. Jiraiya paid Teuchi and led me to the Inuzuka's place.

Along the way he was telling me about different things like the cycle of hatred, the child of destiny that he taught, and the different types of women throughout the different countries. It took so much not to tell him about what happened to his original trio of disciples. I might tell him at a later date, I still haven't decided... I'll make my decision after checking what kind of impact I make on the original flow.

The compound was close to the gates due to having so many dogs. According to Jiraiya, they moved there because random kids kept feeding the dogs junk food and snacks which made them either fat or sick. Even though the Ninken know better, they tend to eat whatever is given to them as it's usually delicious...

Jiraiya only led me to the general area and body flickered away without pointing out the correct house. Rather than wandering, I ask a random Inuzuka for directions and continue over to the house. I'm all giddy thinking about tonight, Tsume's scent is absolutely mouth watering... I hope she tastes as good as her smells.