Re:Menma A Multiverse Harem Story

Tsuchinoe and Hinoto are rarely paired on the same mission as their skill sets usually revolve around solo honey trap assassinations and undercover work such as intel gathering through seduction or s.e.x. Konoha no longer accepted prostitution type missions, on the surface at least. Danzo always found value in and dabbles in all of everything. Jiraiya, on the other hand has an information network of civilian women he hired for brothels he built all over the continent. He only has them gather intel rather than risk his spy network by accepting assassination missions for extra income.

Both girls are quite beautiful and thus were trained with that s.e.x work missions in mind. They went through special conditioning to accurately mimic people's emotions similar to what Menma was able to do. Studying various seduction techniques, s.e.x positions, kinks, maintaining their appearance, and finally sterilization as a mandatory requirement. That last one is a favorite amongst shadow organizations that specialize in assassins.

In terms of appearance, Tsuchinoe has a 'tomboyish seductress' demeanor and look with shoulder length dark purple hair, slender body, and just enough curves to get a mans attention at a glance. She tends to play an overly familiar drunk girl role, or the more straightforward horny girl looking to f.u.c.k the target.

Hinoto on the other hand is the 's.e.xy and elegant milf' type with a tendency to say 'Ara Ara', as she was taught. She usually has a calm carefree smile and half lidded eyes on her face to lower the guard of her targets. Her long hair is silky smooth and black which she keeps in a low ponytail dr.a.p.ed over her shoulder. She rarely has to be proactive in attracting her mark, she only needs to lock eyes for a split second before giving him a simple smile.

With them being summoned, they wondered what situation required both of them to be deployed. They won't question it though, regardless of what is asked of them, they will always attempt it without a fuss. Knowing that if they do, they'd end up having to go through 'reprogramming'. According to rumors, it is much worse than the original training they had survived.

"What are our orders Lord Danzo?" - Hinoto

"Keep an eye on the movements of the new Uzumaki brat, report everything back to me. Do not approach him until you have tailed him long enough to get his schedule memorized. The mission is strictly recon so don't strike unless I give you the order. This will be your permanent assignment for the next 8 years. After you leave, send a message out to some of our operatives to verify his group's story. Needless to say, don't get caught" - Danzo

The pair of root kunoichi affirm their orders and disappear, leaving Danzo alone as he stares into the darkness.

'I will not allow any threats to exist within Konoha. However, if he can become an asset, I'll have no problem accepting him into Root. That boy must be hiding other secrets, it won't be long until my agents discover them all. Once they do, he'll be in the palm of my hand, I'll make him suffer for the disrespect he's shown to me and the seat of Hokage.' - Danzo

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Next morning, back to Menma

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I had slept as I s.u.c.k.l.e.d on Tsume's beautiful b.r.e.a.s.ts, her pink n.i.p.p.l.es reminded me of narrow dome gum drops. As I kept getting too bold throughout the night, I was knocked on the head a few times and finally threatened to stop or sleep on the couch. I just stuck to n.i.p.p.l.e-play before I chose to sleep as I had a bunch things to do tomorrow.

Ever since I started reading the Yu Ilhan resting manual, I have found sleeping to be one of the most enjoyable parts of life. It's unranked so I have no idea if that's because it's good, or some other reason. It doesn't matter either way, I can fall asleep at a moments notice, take control of and recall my dreams clearly, and wake up with perfectly rested every time, even my energy reserves get completely refilled too.

This time my dreams were all about b.o.o.b.s, big ones, small ones, of different shapes, shades, and n.i.p.p.l.e types. I bounce around everywhere, fondling, l.i.c.k.i.n.g, s.u.c.k.i.n.g, just enjoying every pair I could. I want to buy the God's tongue ability, just to indulge in them even more, to see if that mellow taste that brings every other milk to shame, will be enhanced to the point of foodgasm.

Oh how I pity those that look down on me for my addiction! How I only wish for all b.r.e.a.s.ts to be immortalized on a wall of b.r.e.a.s.t castings! I will cure cancer in all worlds to protect these god given gifts! A cup to WM Double Ds and beyond, as long as they exist, they shall be cherished! DON'T ANYBODY EVER MENTION MAN B.R.E.A.S.TS! THOSE ARE UNHOLY THINGS CREATED BY THE DEVIL! CUT THEM OFF, SET THEM ON FIRE, LAUNCH THE ASHES INTO A BLACK HOLE!

*cough* Excuse me, now, where was I? Ah yes, when I began waking, I felt my arms wrapped around a bundle of warmth. Though I got into bed with my clothes on, I sneakily removed them with an unequip option I found about 2 weeks ago. I already said I only sleep n.a.k.e.d, who's gonna judge me? This morning was one of the rare days I didn't wake up with morning wood. Good thing too as when I opened my eyes, I found out I was hugging a tomato faced Hana who was wide awake.

I didn't have time to register what was going on when I felt the covers lift off of us and heard a couple of snapshots from the edge of the bed. I turned to towards the source and found Tsume holding a camera with a huge grin plastered on her face. I look back at Hana and how I'm holding her, my arms were wrapped around her head and waist as lien legs were interlocked... Why does this shit always happen, the damn armor is off too.

I'll be shameless, nothing else is acceptable in this situation...

I lean in to Hana's ear, "Did you sleep well my dear wife?"

The effect was immediate, with her passing out. I also heard another *click* inside my head this time with Sys adding {Newlyweds first night together}... I'm ignoring that... I open the menu and equip some of the clothes I bought in one of the villages, a white shirt, black shorts, and sneakers... I'm glad they exists as I don't like the usual sandal-boot mix footwear.

Tsume perked an eyebrow at what just happened, "You're just full of surprises ain't ya?"

"Only my wives are allowed to know specific details of my secrets, you only get a glimpse." I replied with a c.o.c.ky grin.

"Whatever, want some breakfast? I made an egg, bacon, sausage, ham, cheese and steak omelet." Tsume offered as she put the camera away and shook the instant picture.

I was still stunned about that crazy omelet, and now the existence of a Polaroid type camera. I quickly regained my senses and said, "Yes, hell yes, that sounds amazing!"

We headed into the dining room and ate together. The omelet was delicious, I was enjoying the nostalgic taste when there was a knock on the door. A middle aged man with a pencil thin mustache and ratlike face, overall a sketchy looking guy, calls for me saying that he was here to talk about the contract for the land I was given. I had Tsume double check for me, it's not like I knew what the hell all that crap was.

I understood some of it but there were a bunch of technical words that seemed like they were added just to f.u.c.k with people. None of this was ever taught in school, so how was I supposed to figure it out on my own? Tsume looks it over, asks a few questions, changed a part that prohibited setting up privacy seals, and gave me the go ahead to sign. Shitty a.s.s elders probably f.u.c.k.i.n.g with the contract, even the sketchy rat was shitting bricks from being found out.

I signed the papers, and looked through a few schematics that he brought for me to choose from. I thought they were all pretty basic, so I asked Sys if I could buy one. Turns out the are free as long as it's basic, as in no formations like those for cultivators and their qi gathering bullshit. I weighed my options between the Ryōzanpaku estate from Kenichi mightiest disciple versus the Nura house from Nurarihyon no Mago.

The latter was too big to fit within the land I was given so I asked for Ryōzanpaku instead. I pretend to go into the bedroom to get it from my backpack. The size was still a bit off so we had to make the dojo and yard a bit smaller. The plans were altered to not seem out of place in this world, it shows detailed sketches of the dojo, detached building that is basically a dorm with a 8 rooms and 2 toilet/sink only rooms, lastly is the main building which has the kitchen, dining room, separate male/female bathrooms, and master bedroom.

I also reminded them to add bas.e.m.e.nt I was allowed. Only the dojo was a single story, the other buildings had two. Rat face took back all the papers, gave me a time frame of about 2 months. I thought they would take longer but then remembered jutsu and chakra enhancing should speed up the process. The total cost of materials and construction will be 103,000 ryo, that's with the discount and rounded down to the nearest thousand.

I still had 8,000 ryo left, it shouldn't have been so cheap, but this worlds economy is pretty twisted. I'm not complaining in this case, but it'll be a different story if I get paid scraps compared to the work I put in. Rat face said that I could pay it in either installments or all at once, I wanted to 'do the thing' and make it rain on him, but I just paid him off normally. The price would have gotten too high if I paid it off in installments while I have no income.

Food can be stolen or hunted, as for other bills, f.u.c.k 'em, I got a system. I could use my infinite canteen for water, and find a way to use the kart as an energy source. He left and came back about an hour later so I could sign the insurance papers. This time there was no f.u.c.kery hidden in the forms. He left once he gave me copies and an invoice of everything. I then took a quick shower (with permission) before leaving too.

It was still pretty early, so I wander the village looking at the places that were never shown in detail. Discovery number 1, c.o.n.d.o.ms exist. Discovery number 2, video cameras are expensive as f.u.c.k, it must be why there are so few movies and no p.o.r.n. Discovery number 3, judging by my cravings, there are a few bloodlines hidden amongst the civilians, I'll start prowling like a vampire soon enough.

Discovery number 69, some Akimichi women are thick as f.u.c.k... I wonder if Chocho could get like that in the future, she was interesting but won't exist in this world since I'll be going after her mom too hehehehe... I'll probably summon her in the future... I spent 3 hours exploring the shopping district and finally decided to go to Kushina's place.

As I approach the house, I feel a gaze at my back. I try to ignore it but it gets stronger and pisses me off, so I moon them and walk off.

"What are you doing here kid." A dead toned voice spoke, stopping me from knocking on the door.

A white haired teen with a dog type Anbu mask, completely covered up with a hooded robe, creeps out from a corner. I figured I'd meet him sooner or later, I just didn't expect it to be on my second day. Hatake Kakashi, the copycat ninja, best known for his 1000 years of death technique, a move that I will master and improve... I just realized how bad it was to moon him of all people... He is staring at me with his dead fish eyes, seemingly standing still, but I can tell he's ready to strike at the first sign of danger.

"I'm here to meet my wife, Kushina!" I proudly said as I pointed to the house.

"She's already married, and it's definitely not to a snot nosed kid like you." He replied

"Yeah well, when Minato dies, she will be my wife, I already cleared it with him. Can I go now?" I asked

"You're not going in there." He said

"Whatever!" I spat as I go to knock on the door.

I was half expecting him to yell "You shall not pass!", but he kicked me instead. I sat there rubbing my c.h.e.s.t and wheezing since he knocked the wind out of me.

"I said you weren't going in." Kakashi said monotonously.

"F.u.c.k you!" I yell while suppressing the urge to cry. I hate being a damned kid, can't even take a kick before starting to tear up.

"Get out of here, and don't come back." He said as he flickered off to continue his mission.

"I'll make you pay for this, you emo son of a bitch! I will capture you and dye your hair pink before I give you a bowl cut! To top it off, I'll pour honey all over you and leave you tied up next to an anthill!" I yell into the sky with a grand revenge plan formulating in my head.

"Hey, you're back, you really have to work on your threats... So, what where you up to after you ditched us?" - ???

I turned towards the voice and saw Kaede's head poking out a window with a foxlike grin. She must've seen me get kicked, or at least been around before I started ranting.

"I ran for my life, saved the pretty women of konoha from an old guy peeping on them, he became my sensei, ate ramen, went to Tsume's, got married, got a tattoo, drank myself to sleep, signed papers for our house and insurance, the usual... You gonna let me in, or are you gonna keep staring at me?" I asked as I dusted myself off.

"Liar... I need to ask Kushina-nee first, but I want to hear more about your adventure later." Kaede replied as she left to ask permission.

In the meantime I checked my bloodlines, turns out that drinking blood is more beneficial than milk since I had 8% Inuzuka bloodline. I already knew that drinking milk will increase it around 1% every 4 hours, now I have to find out how much flesh, organs, and directly affected body parts like Uchiha eyes will give me. Meh, I'll take find out soon enough.

I didn't wait long for the door to open, weirdly it was Minato who opened up with Kaede giving me shrug.

"What are you doing here homewrecker?" - Me

"It's my house, and I don't exactly trust you. Just because you're an Uzumaki." - Minato

"Why did you leave Kushina alone with my family then?" - Me

"She was never alone, and I kept an eye on her through special surveillance the whole night." - Minato

"Whatever, can I come in now?" - Me

"If you promise to tell the truth about who you are." - Minato

"I'll think about it, I don't really care either way. Did Mina wake up?" - Me

"Yeah, she's actually talking now, but she's usually crying." - Kaede

"She and her husband were being hunted like animals, she watched him die and couldn't take it. Anybody would do the same." - Me

"That is one of the things I want to know about, both Kushina and Mina want to speak to you, so come in." - Minato

Inside, both Taiga and Himawari playing some card game, Hima seems to be winning if Taiga's face is anything to go by. Maria was bringing them a snack, the babies were asleep on a futon that was laid out on the living room floor. Kaede grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into the bedroom... not in that way... She didn't even knock on the door and barged in with me in tow.

"Fermented bamboo shoot delivery! I don't think it's edible though." - Kaede

Both women turned their head towards the young girl and chuckled at my disheveled appearance. I didn't style my hair, and the foot print on my c.h.e.s.t was still there. Being dragged my Kaede didn't help much either.

"I'll be edible in about a decade or so. At that time, the villagers will be begging the council to demolish the stone faces and carve my image into it shirtless, laying on my side, looking seductive as I eat a strawberry hehehe." - Me

Kushina walked over without a word and stood in front of me. *clonk*

"Ow, the hell was that for?" I rubbed my head in pain and confusion.

"For speaking like a perverted old man, dattebane!" Yelled Kushina before giving me a hug, "and this is for saving my cousin. Thank you."

This was the first real hug I've received in who knows how long. I might have hugged Mina after she lost he husband and slept while holding and feeding from her, or this morning with Hana, but those weren't genuine hugs. I didn't know that you can feel other people's feelings through this kind of contact, the heartfelt feelings of being thankful are clear as day. I don't know how to feel, or what I feel about it, but it's nice... Is this what my girls were trying to convey on an almost daily basis before I died?

Just when I feel like I have a handle on these damned things, something else comes along and gets me from a different angle... F.u.c.k you tears, it's not your turn...

"Mina, I'm sorry I didn't save your husband... I shouldn't have taken so long to make up my mind on whether or not I should do something, I'm sorry." I apologize as I fight back my tears.

"You don't have to apologize, I wanted to thank you too. My husband would have done the same has he been here, the only thing that mattered to him was our unborn child and me. So don't blame yourself, you're just a child and chose to risk your life to save us. You even took care of me afterwards and reunited me with Kushina... We thank you." Mina said as she came over to hug me as well.

I felt the pit in my stomach disappear as if it never existed, the feeling of dread, the fear of being blamed and hated by someone I came to care about. She was the first person I interacted with besides those gods and the system, even if she just repeated my words. The fact that I was no longer alone was all that mattered, she mattered.

We spent a while just hugging as Mina and I sobbed... f.u.c.k you guys, empathy sucks... Kushina patted our backs as she ditched us with words of comfort.

Mina continued to cry and muttered, "I didn't even get to bury him! He's out there, all alone, with the men that killed him! All while I cry in a warm house, into the shoulder of my cousin and my savior!" She then began pounding her fist onto the floor.

I grabbed hold of her hands and said, "Mina stop, calm down. I stored his body since I figured you would want to bury him, I just didn't know when to bring it up."

Mina began shaking me, "Really, you really have him?" *I nod* "Thank god... I don't know how I'll ever repay you. You've done so much and I don't have anything to give."

I didn't know how to respond and stayed quiet. Luckily or unluckily enough, she started to get light headed and got carried back into bed by Minato, who like a creep, continues to keep an eye on me to make sure I don't harm Kushina. Mina fell asleep with a relieved smile as part of her survivors guilt was eased a bit.

Led by Minato, we head into his study and take a seat. There are a bunch of books and scrolls everywhere, no way Naruto would have had such a shitty childhood if there wasn't some f.u.c.kery from Danzo and the other old bastards scheming him out of his inheritance... or Kurama destroying it, who knows...

"Mina might not have anything to pay you back with, but is there anything you want? Maybe we can get it for you." - Kushina

"Marry me!" - Me

"Again with this?" - Minato

"What?!?" - Kushina

"Minato already declared it in front of all the clan heads. If he dies, you'll be my wife!" - Me

"MI-NA-TO!!! You married me off to a toddler? Really?!? Without asking me?" - Kushina

"I, uh, he, um... I'm sorry!" Minato dogezas.

I think to myself, 'Magnificent, perfect form, 10 points.'

"Too late, everybody heard it, a Hokage decree can't be taken back so easily. Even if it was said to get a kid to shut up. Kushina-nee, I want a kiss as an early engagement gift!" - Me

"I'll deal with you later dattebane! As for you, I'll give you a kiss, but only on the cheek, as thanks for Mina." Said Kushina as she shook her fist at Minato.

She must not take the engagement seriously either... let this be a lesson to everyone, be careful, you never know who has a system and is planning to trap you with it...

"Okay, but once Minato dies, no matter when it is, you'll automatically be my wife! Deal?" I reply while mentally chanting 'accept it!'

"Sure, deal." She said, leaning over to kiss me on the cheek.

I was not gonna let my only chance slip by, just as she was about to make contact, I turned my head faster than anybody could react... I almost broke my neck in the process, thanks swift... Our lips made contact, I wasn't about to risk going any further at this point... Shit, a thought just hit me... I don't know if she gives head... shaking off the thoughts with mantras of 'it's for the greater good' and 'she's a mouth v.i.r.g.i.n' I finally get what I was waiting for.

{*Ding* Marriage contract has been formed. Condition set, current husband Namikaze Minato must die before marriage is valid. No time limit.} - Sys

I had to do this as a form of insurance, I doubt that I could save them both, at least this way I could save Kushina. One of the benefits of being my wife, lover, or family, is that they are sent to Eos if they are in danger, and if they die, I can use system bucks so they won't be banned from returning to the world the died in. Too bad they can't do the same for me, I get perma banned from worlds if I die, only way back is if that world has something like the dragonballs or I just reset it to a "new game" state.

*clonk* *smack* *thump* I was literally knocked out of my thoughts by Kushina. I was clocked on the head, but she figured it wasn't enough so she slapped me, which knocked me to the ground... I saved her life, ungrateful woman...

"YOU. YOU. AARGH!!!" Kushina yelled in frustration and stormed out of the room muttering unintelligible words the whole way.

"Any reason why you kissed my wife in front of me?" Minato asked through his clenched teeth with his forehead vein pulsing... It's so weird swing that in person.

"Just saving her life... So what did you want to ask me? I'll answer what I can, but hurry up cuz I have a date (playdate)." - Me

"I can tell that you don't have any devious plans or pose a danger to the village, which is why I'm questioning you here, rather than sending you to get aquatinted with the T&I department. You're also my junior brother now since Jiraiya sensei accepted you as his disciple. I have many questions but I'll cut them down to 6, sounds good?" - Minato

"The room is sealed right, privacy and sound?" - Me

Minato closes the door and does some hand seals, "Done, nobody else is listening in, the seals also destroy any bugs that may have been planted. Shall we begin?" He asked

"Go ahead, I'll answer as truthfully as I can. No promises on the full truth though." - Me

"That should be fine. First question, How accurate are your doc.u.ments?" - Minato

"As accurate as possible, my circ.u.mstances are too complicated to explain and I can't tell you too much. The doc.u.ments are official, you could verify it if you need to, we're just here to live since it's the only place that I know wasn't involved in the Uzumaki massacre, at least not directly, who knows what some people do behind the curtains." - Me

Brushing off my answer, Minato continues, "How did you kill those 3 men to save Mina?"

"A special weapon that I was given when I set out to come here, I would rather not explain too deeply about it as it's something I don't want widespread, it's one of a kind and too dangerous to be mass produced." - Me

"That's fine, just don't use it within the village, or let it fall into the wrong hands. Question number 3, are you really engaged to all those girls?" - Minato

"Yup, something like that... I even got married yesterday too, Inuzuka Hana inadvertently got me with the clan law. What can I say, girls love Menma hahaha!" - Me

"Whatever you say... 4, Are you really an Uzumaki?" - Minato

"Among other things, it's all too complicated... Hmmm, let's just say I'm a bit of everything, it's just that Uzumaki is the one I'll be claiming first and foremost." - Me

"That explains the weird tails that were not made of chakra... 5, where did the 'Tablet of 1000 dreams' come from?" Minato asked with a slightly blushing face.

"Stop blushing you creep! You're freaking me out! As for the tablet, it is from a distant land, a place lost due to war and the passing of time. It was called the lost city of limewire. The tablet was a relic from such a place, I paid good money for it, trading it to become Jiraiya's disciple seemed pretty fair." - Me

"I don't believe half of that, but I won't hound you on it... I actually ran out of questions since you answered two of them at the same time... Got it, 6, why did you say you were saving Kushina?" - Minato

"Damn, why'd you have to ask that? Let me think... Let's put it this way, you know how there's the child of prophecy and stuff right?" - Me

"Yeah, Jiraiya sensei explained it to me, how do you know about it?" - Minato

"Forget how I know, just know I know... Anyways, I know a few shitty details of the prophecy that I would rather avoid, I won't explain anything beyond that since I'm sure there are ways for someone to get past your seals... So I kinda formed a contract with her since I will need Kushina's help in the future, and if for some reason you die, I will be able to at least protect her." - Me

"I'm not even sure if I should believe you, secret prophecy details, a contract formed through a kiss, and all the random crap you spouted about the tablet. I have half a mind to get a Yamanaka here to search your mind. The only real reason I won't is because Jiraiya said to just let you be, so that's what I'll do. If you ever want to fill me in on whatever it is that you're hiding, I'll be waiting." - Minato

"We'll see, can I go now? Ayame might think I forgot about her." - Me

"Need advice?" - Minato

"I need money and good locations." - Me

"Take this," Minato hands over a small bag of coins, "I don't know about locations since Kushina only ever wanted to go to Ichiraku's, how about you take her shopping?"

"You trying to kill me?!? I know what a death trap that is, I'll get you back for even bringing it up like it's a good idea! I'll figure something out." I say as I start walking out, I stop at the door and look back to scoff, "Shopping, Ha!"

I told the girls I'll see them later as I ran out the door before I get delayed more. I thought about using the agent 47 suit but I have a feeling I'll be overdressed for any place she might want to go, so I just change my shirt to a plain grey one I had, and kept my black shorts and sneakers. I slick my hair back with my hand and left the two locks of hair shaped like sharp fangs, which refuse to be styled in any way.

The distance between Kushina's and Ichiraku's was unsurprisingly short. No doubt Kushina picked it with how far it was in mind. So here I am, standing under the scrutinizing gaze of an overprotective father, waiting for my date to come out.

"....Where are you going to take my little girl? What are your plans for the future? There better not be a baby by the end of the day...", Teuchi has taken this to a new level, I didn't manage to say anything besides 'I'm here to play with Ayame'. He called for her once and hasn't stopped grilling me for answers without letting me speak.

Jesus Christ, I've met my fair share of Dads, but this is insane... She's not even old enough to land within my eyesight to consider half the crap he's spouting. He accused me of having half a dozen children throughout the elemental nations... He's not completely wrong about that though, it's the details that are off... He doesn't even know my name, we didn't get that far.

"I'm Uzumaki D. Menma, recently joined the village as the head of my clan. Ayame was just gonna show me around the village, and I was gonna treat her to a meal and enjoy ourselves along the way. In the future, who knows what'll happen." I reply as I give my best trustworthy you man impression. I'm not gonna smile since my teeth are pretty feral and scared the shit out of me when I smiled in the mirror.

"Hmph, I expect her back before the lunch rush!" - Teuchi

"When is that?" - Me

"Around noon." - Teuchi

"What?!? That's like 10 minutes from now, we won't even make it to the park! Come on, give us 3 hours to have fun." - Me

After a bunch of back and forth exchanges, I managed to convince him to give me an hour and a half. He was adamant about that to the point of threatening to contact the military police force. What the hell is he gonna do if or when she gets pregnant?!? Place me in the bingo book?

Ayame showed up before he got to the point of opening his eyes fully, she leaned in to my ear and whispered "Run." She grabbed my hand and we just hightailed it as she yelled back "I'll be back later papa!"

It has me wondering how many more anime dads have this reaction... Oh god, what the hell am I gonna deal with in the future?!? I'm gonna need to be sure I have enough self control to not lash out violently... That's for another time though, right now I am gonna have fun.

As Ayame and I kept running, many over the villagers greeted her. She's obviously very popular with her bubbly and energetic personality. Boys are giving me the stink eye though, the little pricks. We arrive at a toy shop, I guess I'm gonna end up shopping with her anyway, f.u.c.k...

The first half hour was just her dragging me to places and shops that she wanted to go. I'm glad Minato gave me some money otherwise I'd really be broke. She had me buy candy, toys, a stuffed rabbit, an apron for some reason, and a compilation book on various ingredients and recipes from around the world.

The next twenty minutes was spent with me pushing her on a swing, spinning the merry go round, and her trying to impress me with her somersaults. The yells of 'harder, faster and like that' are just heartwarming and sweet in this instance... I think I have diabetes now. After that she finally settled down and had me take her to a tea shop and bakery.

I gave her the money and she ordered for us, the sight of her having to stand on her tippy toes to pay was adorable. 'Sys, take a picture' *click*. She came back and sat down, so we now had a chance to actually talk.

"Thanks for playing with me today, other boys say they don't want to be my friend after coming to my house. I think it's because they don't like ramen." Ayame said a bit downcast.

"It's better this way, only weird people hate ramen." I reply, no way I'll say that her dad was the most likely cause.

"That's right! Hmph, ramen haters should just eat worms!" Ayame loudly agreed, which got quite a few disgusted looks from others.

"Are there any girls that you play with?" - Me

"Um, I played with Hana-chan and Izumi-chan over at the playground but other girls don't like me because I'm always talking about ramen." She said getting more and more downcast as she speaks.

I almost couldn't take it anymore, and I feel like asking about her mom would cause her to break down. Our order arrives as I figure out what to say.

"What do you like besides ramen?" I ask hoping it doesn't blow up in my face.

"I like sweets, and toys, and pretty dresses!" She said as her eyes lit up.

"We already got sweets and toys, but I guess an apron doesn't count right? I'll get you a pretty dress as a birthday present... When is that?" - Me

"It already passed, it's Febyury 14." She said, adorably butchering the month.

"It's fine, I'll give it to you next time we meet, think of it as an engagement gift." I said, this is mostly to mess with Teuchi. He said a bunch of stuff, but never mentioned proposing hehe.

"I don't know what that is, but okay! I'll make you a special bowl of ramen as a gagement gift too!" She happily replied, damn near turning my heart into mush.

"Make sure you tell your dad the we're engaged, okay?" - Me

"Kay!" - Ayame

I didn't trap her like I did to Kushina as I'd rather her fall for me naturally. We talk a bit more, but it somehow keeps coming back to ramen regardless of the topic. I have to get her some more hobbies, maybe have Hima and Kaede be her friend. We ate and drank everything, the tea and sweets we ordered were really delicious, 'my sweet tooth thanks you for your sacrifice'.

It was going good until I seen a familiar violet, fanned out spiky ponytail on the other side of the room. Anko has entered the fray! I wasn't expecting to meet her so soon after the bathhouse incident. I whispered to Ayame that we should go back since the curfew set by her dad was almost up, she agreed and we escaped out the backdoor without being spotted.

I had to store the shopping bags before we went to eat, which Ayame got excited seeing, seems like I dug my own grave... I took the bags out as we arrived. Once we were outside the shop, within Teuchi's sight, I sneakily kissed her forehead as I dropped the bags and ran off to the sound of Teuchi's threats.

"HAHAHAHA, SEE YOU LATER FATHER!!!" I laugh as I dodge flying kitchen utensils.

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3rd person-san

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Teuchi watched on as the red headed demon disappeared after kissing his daughter. He swore he would have his revenge, maybe feed him the forbidden 'dragon breath' ramen on his secret menu. He continued planning his vengeance as he picked up his tools. Once back at the shop, he decides to try to convince his daughter to stay away from that kid.

"Ayame, where are you?" He called

"Over here papa! Look, Menma bought me this book and apron so I can help you cook!" The young girl proudly spoke, showing her father the things she brought back.

"That's nice, but I already told you that you need to worry about school first and maybe I'll let you wash the dishes." Teuchi replied, hiding his dislike for the kid that bought her things.

"Menma also said that he was gonna get me a pretty dress and bring it for me next time. He said it was a gagement gift." Ayame said as she continued looking through the bags, completely oblivious to the bomb that went off in her fathers brain.

Teuchi couldn't speak, tears streaming down his face without an end in sight. He walked out the shop and just stood there... all night... from that day on, rumors of a crying statue in front of Ichiraku's spread and became an urban myth of Konoha...